3 Ways Princeton Prepared Me for Motherhood

1.  I am my best comparison 

    I attended Princeton during the era of grade deflation. This meant that no matter how well you think you did in a class, your grade was based on that of your peers. A certain percentage of students were allotted an “A”, no matter if 100% of turned-in material was “A” quality. So if everyone began acing papers in your small seminar class, the bottom percentage of those A’s were given B’s and C’s in order to proportion out the grades.

   Thankfully, Princeton no longer has grade deflation, but during my time there, I and my peers dealt with this unnecessary stress. Learning for the sake of learning often took a backseat. Creatively expressing one’s own thoughts and ideas, often shadowed the thought of how other students were creatively expressing theirs too. You see, competition reigned supreme. Knowing that one’s grade was literally dependent on the performance of a peer, often drove many insane.  

After one year at Princeton, I made the conscious decision to do my best and to leave the rest to God. For the next three years, I forced myself to compare myself against myself.

My motto became “You just do you... I’ma do me.” 

In motherhood, it’s easy for many to compare themselves to others when it comes to parenting.

Some moms make their kids meals from scratch every day; some are super organized and have weekly toy rotations; some have detailed curriculums and homeschool like Harvard professors; some dress their kid to the nine; and some have sleep-trained and potty-trained their child by the age of 2. 

I personally don’t like arts and crafts. I feel stressed thinking of following strict times to do things. I prefer to stay home all day and do home activities (this quarantine was an easy adjustment).  But do you know what I do love? I love making vegan and gluten-free desserts for our son. I love the idea of planning out the next set of board books to order from Amazon. I love imagining which parts of the book I think my son will love. I love taking him on walks outside and pointing to the trees and butterflies. I love presenting my son with classic toys made from wood and seeing him explore different ways to play with that same toy over the weeks and months. 

Princeton taught me to celebrate and learn from the strengths in others without feeling threatened…because living in a state of constant comparison can easily drive anyone crazy. 

2. Nothing usually goes according to plan. 

And I mean nothing. A few months ago, when I was much earlier in my 2nd pregnancy, I made plans on taking my son out for an activity and then going to two grocery stores before heading home for lunch. Sounds simple enough, right?  After the first stop to the grocery store, I realized that I was becoming faint-like and needed to eat something ASAP. I drove to Whole Foods, which was nearby, and decided to grab a vegan cookie and some chicken (during pregnancy I find that I have to eat meat, otherwise my nausea gets really bad, very quickly). I grabbed my son’s stroller, put him in, and headed straight to the hot food bar.

After grabbing my items and checking out, I couldn’t wait any longer. So I took out my vegan cookie and began chowing away on its sweet goodness while navigating the stroller with my other hand on the way to the car. Unknowingly, when I reached the curb of the sidewalk outside the store, my hot barbecue sauce (you know, for my chicken) poured out of the stroller’s cup holder and onto my son’s pants and down his leg. He was sticky all over. 

I made a u-turn, went back inside, finished my cookie of course, and headed straight to the restroom that was some distance away. I somehow cleaned up my son inside the small cramped restroom (with the little strength I had—hello 1st trimester) and then thoroughly cleaned off the stroller, while keeping my ever-wandering child from entering into other people’s restroom stalls.

I kept hearing my roaring stomach and felt extreme fatigue setting in. Finally, we made it back to the car (nevermind needing more barbecue sauce), but upon reaching the car door, I realized that I didn’t have my keys. The hot October sun didn’t make things better. I was becoming weaker by the second.

Retracing my steps through my mind’s eye, I realized that I may have accidentally thrown away my keys when grabbing several napkins to clean off my son and stroller.

 At this point, any dwelling on the recently occurred events would’ve led to a breakdown. So I didn’t dwell. I couldn’t. I simply grabbed my stroller once more and headed back inside.

I headed straight to the restroom to make sure my keys weren’t there and realizing that they weren’t, I headed directly in the direction of the manager and explained to him that I needed to do a thorough search of a particular trash-bin. I didn’t have time for judgment. I just needed to get back to the car, eat my chicken, and get home.  Thankfully, my “I’m about business” stance dissolved upon hearing that a stranger had actually found my keys and turned them in already. A “Praise the Lord” resounded from my lips, and my son and I were off to the car.

A few minutes later, after ferociously consuming some baked chicken in the driver’s seat, nausea and fatigue set in even further. I knew that I was going to throw up at any moment’s notice (after this, it would take weeks before I could consume chicken again). My son’s cries in the back, as it was way past his nap, didn’t help. Let’s just say, I barely made it home. 

Plans? Every mother knows that any day can go in a multitude of directions. From poop explosions to toddler meltdowns, to unexpected messes, to dinner plans suddenly looking like a multitude of “healthy” snacks mashed together, to “I’m going to get an hour’s worth of work done since the baby is asleep” suddenly being disrupted by a shorter than usual nap from your bundle of joy.

Princeton taught me to do the best I can with what I have. In college, sometimes I had only one hour to write a five-page paper. And you know what? I found a way. Sometimes I only had 20 minutes to send a professor an email, run to the dining hall for a quick meal, and download that day’s precept readings. Instead of dwelling on less than ideal circumstances, I learned in college to literally make the best with what I had. 

3. You gotta laugh at your mistakes and refuse to place your identity in them

During my Sophomore year, I took Molecular Biology. My friends and I met faithfully in our study groups, shared excellent outlines, stayed on top of our readings, and visited office hours. Leading up to my midterm, which was 20% of my final grade, I felt confident.

On the morning of my exam, I even got dressed up. This was the first midterm in which I felt so sure of acing the exam, in light of grade deflation. When the midterm was over, I gathered my belongings and caught up with some of my study partners to discuss our thoughts on the exam.  Very quickly, I discovered that there were a few questions discussed in conversation that I couldn’t recall. Within minutes, I realized why. 

I hadn’t completed the very back page of the exam. 

I couldn’t believe it. All the hours of studying, memorizing, outlining, office hours. I knew the material like the back of my hand. I emailed my professor and explained to her my situation. After meeting with her in person and making numerous concessions to retake the exam, I was shut down. All the questions that I didn’t answer would be counted against me. 

Talk about a major mistake. 

I went back to my dorm room and fell to my knees. The Lord listened to my cries and comforted me in a way that only He could. While I felt that this was a HUGE deal, the Lord gently comforted me and let me know that it actually wasn’t. In light of eternity, this was actually pretty small. Although my grade wouldn’t truly reflect my knowledge of the material, it didn’ change the fact that I still possessed that knowledge.

I learned two things that day. 1) Sometimes you just need to laugh at your mistakes and 2) refuse to identify yourself by them.

Just because you may have forgotten to change your child’s diaper in a timely manner and now he/she has a diaper rash...doesn’t make you a “bad mom.”

Just because your child is regressing and is now wetting the bed…doesn’t mean that it’s your fault.

Just because your house is a mess, you haven’t shaved, and you’re finding joy in having to poop because that’s your only excuse and time to be alone...doesn’t mean that you’re failing in life.

And just because you let your child stay up way too late and now he or she is off schedule…doesn’t mean that you’re irresponsible.

Sometimes, you just need to laugh! Perfection is overrated and is never a measure of your worth, gifting, or progress. The goal is to look more like Christ each and everyday…not a Stepford wife.

PonderedThought:

Looking back, what experiences or trials prepared you most for motherhood, or is currently preparing you for it?

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You’re Not Behind in this Journey Called Life: 3 Pivotal Lessons I’ve Learned From My Brother Joseph

Have you ever received a vision from God for your life that shot your excitement through the roof, but then shortly thereafter, you were hit with a reality that seemed to be the exact opposite of what He showed you?

Let me be more specific. 

Have you ever felt a God-given desire to have children, only to find yourself struggling with infertility?

Or felt led to become a lawyer, but then failed the LSAT? 

Or felt like God promised you marriage, but another year goes by and you still weren’t even dating anyone?

Or heard the Lord tell you to start that business but then you found yourself on the verge of bankruptcy? 

Or received a divine vision of you revolutionizing your city’s economic infrastructure, but then you found yourself staying at home for 12 years taking care of your kids? 

What I’ve learned from my brother Joseph, in the book of Genesis, is that what appears to be a setback in your life...a standstill...wasted years...backward motion...is actually preparation. 

Obviously, sin, disobedience, and foolish decisions can cause unintended consequences and wasted time. However, even in that...God is sovereign and can use the mess of years to make a masterpiece for His glory. 

But today I want to encourage the person who is seeking the Lord diligently, waiting for His timing, and being faithful in what is set in front of you. I want to remind you  that God is sovereign. What you might consider a setback for you or even to others, is actually preparation. Don’t rush through it, try to halt it, or run away from it. Because you have no idea what God is preparing you for. 

Here are 3 lessons I learn from Joseph that will hopefully encourage you whenever you feel that your life is at a standstill and not progressing as you had hoped: 

1. Be faithful in what is set in front of you today

“Yeah yeah yeah...be faithful. I’ve heard this too many times.” You might’ve been hoping for me to tell you something brand new, huh? But I need to remind you of this one key principle. Seriously, put your all into where you currently are right now...even if you aren’t where you want to be. 

God gave Joseph a dream of his brothers bowing down to him. In the dream, Joseph saw clearly that the Lord was going to exalt him in some capacity. But shortly after having this dream, Joseph found himself sold into Egyptian slavery by the very brothers he thought would hold him in high esteem. Even as a slave, Joseph grew in favor with Potiphar and became Potiphar’s attendant—meaning Joseph was in charge of all of Potiphar’s household. Potiphar noticed that the Lord was with Joseph and Joseph was successful in all that he put his hands to. 

But then the unexpected occurred. Joseph was lied on for raping Potiphar’s wife, and poor Joseph ended up in actual prison. But even in prison, Joseph was still exalted by God.

He could’ve blamed God for his terrible  plight, dug himself into a deep depression, or questioned the plans that God had previously shown him. Perhaps he did some of these things for a season. I don’t know. But if he did, we know he didn’t stay in that place. Joseph found favor with the prison guard, who in turn put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners. Even in prison, God gave Joseph success in whatever Joseph put his hands to. 

Are you noticing a theme here? 

Wherever God placed Joseph, God gave him authority over many people. God was preparing Joseph for something greater.

From three years in Potiphar’s house, to 10 years in prison, Joseph could’ve concluded that 13 years of his life were completely WASTED.

He could’ve surmised that he was falling behind, or even had missed out completely,  on the purposes that God had for him.

He could’ve given up entirely on life when viewing the lives of others moving forward. But he didn’t. He was faithful where he was. Even if that meant being in prison. 

No setbacks you face are powerful enough to derail God’s plan  for your life. Consider what you call “setbacks” to be merely purposeful parts of that plan. Just be faithful where God has you, and keep your faith in where He’s taking you.

2. Seek the Lord diligently and give Him glory 

Okay, here’s another one you’ve heard before. But don’t roll your eyes or overlook this one. If Joseph hadn’t continued to seek the Lord in prison...he would’ve failed one big test that the Lord had for him.

You see, while in prison, Joseph interpreted the dreams of two of Pharaoh’s servants. Two years later, when Pharaoh had a dream that no priest could interpret, one of the servants recalled that Joseph could interpret dreams. Pharaoh called Joseph out of prison to interpret. Here is the exchange between Joseph and the most powerful man in all of Egypt:

15 Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I had a dream, and no one can interpret it. But I have heard it said of you that when you hear a dream you can interpret it.”

16 “I cannot do it,” Joseph replied to Pharaoh, “but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires.”

There was actually no reason for Joseph to correct Pharaoh in this instance.

I probably would’ve remained silent and thanked God for allowing me to find favor in Pharaoh’s sight. You have to understand, Egyptian culture didn’t worship Yahweh, Joseph’s God. So for Joseph to correct Pharaoh in this instance, glorifying God among those who didn’t know Him, appears a bit extra. But look at what happens next. Because Joseph directly acknowledged the Lord as the one who gave him the ability to interpret Pharaoh’s dream,  Pharaoh says this to Joseph after hearing Joseph’s accurate interpretation and counsel : 

39 “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. 40 You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.”

You see what happened when Joseph glorified God? He couldn’t have glorified God this boldly if he hadn’t already been seeking God while he was in prison. It would’ve been difficult to stand before Pharaoh and state this if he hadn’t been accustomed to spending time in the presence of the King of all kings. But because he had, God highly exalted Joseph. 

I don’t know where God has placed you right now. Whether you are working at a Fortune 500 company in which the name of the Lord is shunned, or at home taking care of the kids in which most of society looks down upon... continue to seek the Lord with boldness and do not shy away from giving Him glory.  

3. Trust that God has major plans for you even when others doubt

Someone could’ve heard about Joseph’s imprisonment and laughed at the notion that Joseph believed his own brothers would one day bow at his feet.

Someone could look at you on instagram and say, “Wow, she’s such a catch but she still isn’t married? 35 and still no kids? Wow, she has all of those degrees just to stay home with her kids? Divorced and now a single mother, poor thing.  Hmm...I thought she was a good mother but look at her son in prison.”

If you’ve heard these words before, or if you’ve felt these sentiments from others or even within yourself, be careful to not bite the bait of Satan. Satan would love to have you take your focus off God and instead look into the doubtful stares of others. If he can get you to focus on naysayers, you just might internalize their doubt and believe their lies.

If Joseph had posted his updates to instagram, everyone watching would have considered his life wasted. I can just imagine the thoughts of those looking at Joseph in prison and wondering how an upstanding man with so much talent and potential ended up in prison. I can see them doubting how Joseph’s “God” would be able to use a convicted felon. And yet God did use him. And used him mightily.

Joseph became the most powerful man in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh. Joseph was in charge of everything and saved the entire nation and surrounding nations from perishing during a season of famine. And his brothers? During the time of famine, Joseph’s brothers heard about how the Egyptians had food in their land. And so in order to survive, the brothers journeyed to Egypt in order to purchase food. Guess who they found themselves bowing down to in order to receive it? I might’ve taken a chance to tell my brothers about themselves. I may have lavished in the fact that they were so below me socioeconomically. But Joseph didn’t. Joseph said one thing I’ll always remember and I hope will encourage you. Instead of looking back at his own life with bitterness and unforgiveness, Joseph shared from a place of revelation. 

19 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. 21 Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

PonderedThought: What I learn from my brother Joseph is that setbacks aren’t what they seem. You’re not behind in this journey called life because life isn’t a clear path from point A to point B, often based on the customs of society. Many times, detours are a part of the plan—maybe not your plan, but God’s plan. He usually does things differently than you anticipate and far greater than you expect. So be faithful in what God sets in front of you, seek the Lord, give Him the glory, and trust that God has major plans for you even in the face of your own or other people’s doubts. When you take these key steps to be faithful, God’s goodness is going to blow your mind.

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