I Thought I Needed An Elaborate Plan to Spend Alone Time with My Daughter. She Just Needed A 10-Minute Walk with Me: Chronicles of A Mom w/4 Little Ones.

I have four children ages 5-years-old and under. My youngest is currently 4-months-old at the time of this writing.

We currently homeschool.

My husband runs his own business.

We have flexibility.

We spend a ton of time with our kiddos.

Even still, life often feels rushed and busy. I find myself, when the kiddos go to sleep, often wondering if I told them how much I loved them. If I stared into their eyes long enough for them to know that I care. If they picked up on the agitation that I tried so hard to keep under control when the glass broke, the smoothie spilled, and dinner burned. My ritual continues like clockwork every night until I finally remember that I can speak to the Holy Spirit and ask Him for help.

One night, after cooking dinner, helping my husband put the kiddos to sleep, and then cleaning up our downstairs in preparation for the next day, I plopped onto my bed with pen in hand and journal half-opened. I daydreamed for a few minutes until finally asking the Holy Spirit if He had anything to share with me.

Without pause and without dramatic emphasis, the Holy Spirit simply answered, “Spend more one -on-one time with Ada (my 3-year-old daughter).”

I wrote what He said in my journal and fell asleep. I woke up the next morning, barely recalling the spoken word from the night before, until that night again when I plopped on the bed and performed the same routine.

“Holy Spirit, do you have anything to speak?”

“Spend more one-on-one time with Ada.”

This time, the next day, I mentioned to my husband what I’d been sensing. Interestingly, my husband mentioned to me that the Holy Spirit had been telling him the same thing apart from me mentioning anything to him.

With that said, I asked my husband to plan on watching the rest of our kiddos that weekend so that I could take our daughter out for ice cream. I planned on making our daughter feel so seen, so loved, and so celebrated. I wanted to make our time together memorable. Amazing. Something she’d remember forever. (Funny, my husband wanted to take her out on a date but he tends to have all the fun by more frequently being able to take one kid with him somewhere while I stay back and tend to the flock lol.)

Well that weekend came and none of that happened. We had errands to run. Someone, I think, got sick. I had another day’s work of laundry, cooking, handling kiddos. It never happened.

One night the following week, the Holy Spirit spoke again- the same simple phrase whispered to me at night. “Spend one-on-one time with Ada.” At this point, I had been trying to pay more attention to her throughout the day in order to see if I had missed anything. From my finite eye, she was still her very upbeat happy self. But for whatever reason the Holy Spirit kept reminding me to just DO SOMETHING.

This time I spoke back.

“Holy Spirit, how do I carve out time to do this? I have a 4 month old that you know I'm exclusively breastfeeding. Our weekends are busy. What do you want me to do?” (It’s important to have conversations with the Holy Spirit when you’re uncertain about something. A lesson I’m learning that’s been transformative for me)

And then He reminded me of something that He had been teaching me in that/this season of life: “Do what you can with what you have.”

My mother’s helper was coming over in a few minutes and then it dawned on me. I could have my mother’s helper watch the kids for a second while my daughter and I just went out for a short walk around our neighborhood. Our youngest had just gone down for a nap.

“Ada, go put your shoes on. You and I are going to have some mommy-daughter time.”

“Where are we going Mama?” she asked in bewilderment. Her older brother overheard and began to put his shoes on to.

I’m taking you on a walk …. just you and me.

“I wanna go too!” my son chimed in.

“Uhhh…okay. Hmph. Okay, I’ll take you, Evan, after I take a walk with Ada.”

Ada and I walked outside. No bikes. No scooters. She and I just walked hand in hand. At first it felt odd not having any of the other kids around. After just a minute or two, I began to see my sweet little girl from a different point of view. I could really set my eyes completely on her.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Good,” she said with the sweetest smile—her small hand never letting go of mine.

“What direction do you want to go in?”

I could see her little being grow in excitement.

“This way, mama,” she motioned.

We continued to walk. Eventually, she stopped to look at the flowers and told me how beautiful they were. She stopped to show me a random butterfly flying and asked me where the butterfly’s mommy was. She pointed to the sky and told to me look at the airplane and then asked if she could go to New York one day on an airplane to visit her aunt. And then after ten minutes, she asked to go back home.

Later that week, she was playing with her toys when she suddenly looked up and said,

“Mommy, remember when you and I saw that butterfly and beautiful flowers? I wanna do that again. I wanna take a walk with you.”

And so, we took another walk—just she and I.

This time she told how she really wanted a unicorn skateboard and how she didn’t like gymnastics and how she was really hot. It was all so cute watching her talk. I tried taking in the moment of just being with her.

I didn’t realize that something so simple, so small, would leave her (and myself) feeling so full. I could tell that she felt special. I didn’t have to buy her anything. I didn’t have to organize how to leave my exclusively breastfed baby for hours to organize time to spend with her. She just wanted a few of my minutes.

“Do what you can with what you have,” the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart.

Now, I’ve taken some alone time with my oldest son too. It looks much different, let me tell you! One night he asked to have some “son and woman time” with me. My mom was coming over the next morning so that I could run a few errands alone. I let my son go with me on the spur of the moment. While in the car, I asked him a few questions but he was lost in thought while looking outside the car window. Eventually, I asked, “Do you want to talk?” “No, thank you,” he answered. He just wanted to run errands with me.

I’m not sure what the lesson is for the one reading this blog post. Maybe it’s just for you to remember that your kiddos don’t need an elaborate plan from you for them to feel seen, known, and loved. They may just need a few minutes of your uninterrupted attention and listening ear. It costs little but could possibly mean everything in the world to them.

I’ve never heard my kiddos say, “Mommy I like how well you manage the home and provide a clean peaceful environment…or I really love how you aim to cook nutritious foods…or I really love how you taught our homeschool lesson for today…or I love how nicely you use different voice inflections during reading time.”

But I’m sure that they will never forget FEELING seen, known, and loved.

I don’t have any tips for ya. Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom on the application. I’m just thankful I have the Holy Spirit to SERIOUSLY help me parent as I steward these four beautiful souls. He redirects me to what’s truly important, whenever my mind gets hung up on the small trivial stuff.

So… do what you can with what you have.

And trust me, that’s more than enough.

An Ode to the Stay-At-Home Mama: We in this together!

It’s a profession that’s not accurately depicted on screen, and one that is rarely illuminated in day-to -day conversations. When you say it, the response doesn’t reflect the same admiration that one would have of an investment banker or lawyer. In fact, its mention is often meet with eyes that suggest, “Aww...it must be nice. I’m sure you just love it.” 

And we do. 

We love being “stay-at-home mothers,” or as I prefer to call it, “CEO of our home-enterprises.”  

But for many, the inaccurate images of mothers restfully waking up, lounging around, and peacefully playing with a doting child/ren for the large part of the day...usurps the empathy, sensitivity, and conscious-awareness that is fitting for the work that SAHMS actually do. 

So, to the stay at home mom who feels overlooked, I see you. 

I saw how you woke up in the morning to your little one crying, quickly nursed or grabbed a bottle, changed a diaper, cleaned up yesterday’s messes, and silently encouraged yourself in between the coming demands constantly felt throughout the morning.

I saw how you managed to shave in the shower, sing to a crying baby in a bouncy chair 5 feet away, brush your teeth, and dress yourself—all while dancing to distract your baby from not crying even more due to not picking her up  

I saw how you managed to make breakfast for yourself, feed your LO in her highchair, and wash dishes—while thinking of what to eat for lunch and possibly make for dinner. 

I saw how you managed to get out of the house with a fully stocked diaper bag, snacks, water, books, carseat, wallet, charged phone, and somehow your own sanity. Not only that, I saw how you managed to get back home and walk back into your house with all of those same items.

I saw how you managed to engage in adult conversation while watching your child out of your peripheral, and how you took note of the stranger walking too closely in her direction, while also thinking about when your next Amazon package was to arrive (because we know that a mother’s mind can cover ALL of these things in a span of 30 seconds.) 

I saw how you answered the question, “Do you work?” with grace and poise...when you really wanted to scream and say, “Yes, I work 18 hours a day, seven days a week...and I’m on call during the night.” 

I saw how you put your LO(s) to sleep, and stayed up late afterwards like a little kid fighting bedtime because you wanted to enjoy as much precious alone time as you could before daylight (or let’s be honest, before your baby unexpectedly woke up in the night for a feeding).

I saw your frustrated efforts to remain faithful and consistent in your own personal pursuits despite your daily schedule feeling so out of your control. 

I saw the day you felt it too much to be a wife, a mother, a keeper of your household, a businesswoman, and simply you. I saw you feeling alone. I saw your words falling on deaf ears. And I saw your desire to press pause on it all for just one second. 

But do you know what else I see?

I see that you’re not alone. I see the Lord Almighty wrapping His arms around You and sustaining you for the next hour, and even for your very next breath. I see Him so pleased with the way you think through your day’s activities. I see Him so proud of how you nourish, soothe, and protect His precious child, whom He gave specifically to you to steward. I see Him joyfully looking on when you choose to engage with her and sing that song for the 100th time. I see Him smile when you read that book to her, even when you question whether or not your she is grasping all of the lessons you desire her to learn. I see God so impressed with the way you think of new ideas to make your life just a “little” more organized. I see Him take careful note of all your actions that go unnoticed. I see Him delightfully watching you serve your family in ways that no man will ever know nor understand.

Sis, I want to let you know that I see you. I see the mess. I see the endless roles you play. I see your desire to be everything and to do everything. And I see you feeling like you’ve fallen short everyday.

You’re not alone sis. 

I promise, you’re not alone. 

God’s watching, even when no one else is. Take a deep breath and revel in how proud your God is of you. Actually… imagine for one second the Lord’s pleasure over you.

It’s the one job that doesn’t include a written evaluation. 

It’s a job that gives no prospect of promotion, monetary compensation, nor benefits package. 

Yet it’s the one job that reaps a sense of purpose that a price point would deem insulting. 

So when others try to hand you an evaluation through tonal questions such as, “It’s cold out. He doesn’t have a hat? Wait, you’re still breastfeeding? You let him eat that? Hmmm...still not walking?, and my personal favorite: “So what have you’ve been doing all day (other than taking care of another human being/s)?” remember that you’re not alone. 

I see you. 

But more importantly, God sees it all. 

So the next time we pass one another in the grocery store, library, park, and glance in each other’s direction...let’s look past the leggings, the food stained mouths, the echoes  of our own mommy voices..and smile. It’s apparent. We are all just surviving...and honestly, sometimes that’s more than enough.

PonderedThought: Moms, have you taken time lately to remember that God is looking so proudly on your labor of love? For others reading, what are some ways you can be a conduit of God’s kindness towards any mothers of little one(/s) in this season?

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