Yes, I'm Pregnant. Child #4. Here's How I Found Out.

“How many children did you say you wanted?” my beautician asked abruptly.  

All eyes turned to my small demeanor. 

I sat silent.

“Five,”  I said with the utmost confidence, so as to not sound like I was still in elementary school…because I was.

 5th grade to be exact.  

Laughter ensued. 

The most sincere smiles glanced my way.

 I could tell that many wanted to pinch my cheeks, as if such gestures were still allowed at my age.  

“Wait until you have one,” the other beauticians chimed in unison. 

I could see that they held experience. I solely had vision.

That is… until I experienced the birth of my firstborn.

The desire for more kids never waned. A desire that I knew I hadn't conjured up. A desire placed inside me at a young age for some divine reason. 

That is….until the delivery of my second child, Ada Rose. 

One week after her birth, I sat on my couch with our newborn daughter, wondering how in the world other mothers around the world could even desire to have more than two children. I’d just persevered through a natural birth, then through a period of painful afterbirth contractions, and then through too many hours of breast engorgement.

At this point, I felt my hormones dipping quickly and felt a strong need for a good cry. To escape the feeling of loneliness, I chose to distract myself by watching a show on television.

As I began to sink into further despair, wondering when I’d begin to feel “normal” again or happy, I felt the Lord speak. 

Interestingly, I didn’t hear words of comfort from the Holy Spirit.

Instead, the Lord led me to place my hand over my still very mushy womb and make a declaration.

I hesitated for a few minutes. I knew exactly what the Lord wanted me to say aloud,  but I didn’t think I held any level of sincerity to match the coming words. The prompting continued until the words poured forth from my mouth like a dam bursting in great momentum. 

“Lord, this womb is yours,” I said with tears blurring any vision I had while  staring at the screen.  “Have your way. Birth as many precious souls as you so desire through me. I surrender this womb in Your Hands.” 

I felt my words declare something pivotal. It’s a memory forever etched in my short recourse of these last few years.

 A few short months after that moment, my husband and I found out that I was pregnant with our third child, Elena Grace.

She was born in September 2021.

 “When do you want to consider trying again?” I asked my husband when Elena was a few months old.

“I don’t know. But I won’t even consider having the conversations until Elena (our third child) is at least 18 months old to 2 years old.” 

“Yeah, I agree. That way we can enjoy our ten year marriage anniversary,” I smiled playfully, imagining us on a beach in Aruba in the distant future. 

We continued to be asked “the question” by strangers: “ Do you all want any more kids?” 

“ Yeah we do. But we definitely want to wait,” I often stated, with a tone that I hoped conveyed one of a responsible adult.  “There are  a couple of things I’d like to have before getting pregnant again.”  ( A bigger car and a bigger house, for sure- I always thought to myself.)

One morning, my husband took the kids and made their breakfasts while I got some time alone to journal and complete my morning Bible study questions. I went through my routine as normal until one question from my Bible study lesson halted my flow of thought. 

The question stated, “In which ways are you like Peter, walking across the water and not trusting Jesus?”

I couldn’t think of anything and so I asked the Holy Spirit to show me. 

During that time,  I hadn’t really been hearing clearly from the Lord on certain things and so it surprised me when the Lord spoke to me so clearly.

“You’ve been saying that you want to wait to have your next child until you have a bigger house and a bigger car, but I tell you that when you get pregnant again IT WILL BE THE PERFECT TIMING.” 

I wrote what I heard so clearly and moved on in answering my other Bible study questions. 

“How was your time with the Lord?” my husband asked after I returned downstairs to the kitchen. 

I turned to the sink and began washing dishes. “It was good, but I got the strangest conviction about something.”  I shared with him what I felt the Lord was saying and we both shrugged our shoulders and carried on about our days. 

Neither of us knew that…

 I was already pregnant with our fourth child.  

 When I  found out privately, I didn’t know how to respond. But I felt that my response to this news was crucial, spiritually. With the pregnancy test still in my hand, I dropped to my knees and said, “Thank You Lord for this child. I trust You.” 

When my husband found out, he thought he misread the results of my test at first. He laughed in disbelief.

“You for real?” he asked.

“Yeah”

“Wait….how?” he asked. We were actively avoiding a pregnancy. 

“Well, praise the Lord,” he exclaimed and kept laughing. 

Later on, the Lord gave me another Word from Him with the same level of clarity and distinction as His first message to me. 

“You are blessed and highly favored,” I heard during my alone time the very next morning. Despite what our bank account showed. Despite the long list of “wants” I still desired. Despite what others saw, I was  blessed and highly favored.  I am blessed and highly favored. 

We are expecting our fourth child– Spring 2023. 

And we couldn’t be happier.

P.S. I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant. I’ll be sharing soon how the Lord has been crazy blessing us  throughout this pregnancy!! I CANNOT keep the detailings of His specific hand of favor and sovereignty over my family’s life to myself. Will be sharing in full soon.  

Psalm 127:3-5 

Children are a heritage from the Lord,

    offspring a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

    are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man

    whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame

    when they contend with their opponents in court.

Be careful to not call a burden what the Lord considers of the utmost blessing. 

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I say "sorry" to our newborn son 100 times a day

One thing that I was never warned about when becoming a new mom was that I would be saying “I’m sorry” to my newborn son multiple times throughout the day. I probably say “I’m sorry” about 100 times a day. No, I’m serious.  

Case in point:

Good Morning Evan Jr. Let’s take a bath. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that your bath water was too cold. And I’m sorry for accidentally grazing you with my nail when picking you up out of your bath. And while we're on the topic, I'm sorry for not cutting your nails perfectly so that you wouldn't cut yourself when crying.

I’m sorry for not getting to you fast enough after your nap (I was just using the restroom while brushing my teeth and checking my email-no biggie). I’m sorry that you were crying due to being hungry and not because you wanted to be held.  I’m sorry that I didn’t moisturize your back (and now I see dry patches). I’m sorry I bumped your head. I’m sorry that you have to walk around with a poop stain on your back because the restaurant had no proper changing station for me to change your clothes (#reallife). I’m sorry I didn’t see that small eyelash in your eye that’s been irritating you ALL day. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’M SORRY!

I have a feeling those sorry’s are only going to multiply as the years go on.

As I reflect on my many mistakes as a new mom...I learn how often his cries are justified due to me simply being imperfect. He needs something and it’s my job to figure it out. However, due to my imperfections, often times I mess up in doing so.

And yet…

                       God never messes up.

Now that I’m a parent, knowing that God is a perfect Father is honestly mind-boggling. Sometimes I make the mistake of seeing the fallenness of this world and unconsciously attribute its fallenness to a feature of my God. That is simply not the case. He is a perfect Father, even in a fallen world. By fallen I mean the result of a once perfect Earth now being filled with sin, relational strife, disease, spiritual warfare, natural disaster, etc. Oh, how I can't wait to inhabit the new Earth (Revelation 21). Even in the midst of all the aforementioned, God is perfect. And His ways are perfect.  There is not one thing that He does for His child that is imperfect. Not one.

Can you just sit in that? If you are a believer, You have a Perfect Father.

He doesn’t need his coffee in the morning to effectively hear your prayers. He doesn’t need to scratch His head and wonder how He is going to provide for You, because He created every single thing.  He doesn’t need to be a doctor in order to diagnose the cause of your emotional turmoil, physical ache, or spiritual angst. Why? Because He is all-knowing. He doesn’t wonder how He is going to fulfill His promise to You, because He is all powerful. He doesn’t need to frantically map out your future, because He knew your ending before He even created the foundations of the Earth.

Yep, He’s just that perfect.

Therefore anytime He commands you to do anything or allows something to come your way that you simply don’t like, you have absolutely no reason to act as though God owes you an apology. He simply doesn’t. Even when living in a fallen world, He is able to make every single thing work together for our good (Romans 8:28). That’s just how perfect He is. If it were left up to me, you'd probably be praying for years and getting no answer because I'd be asleep.

PonderedThought:

When unwelcomed circumstances occur or “delayed” promises fail to come to fruition in your own timing, do your actions display the unconscious belief that God owes you an apology? If so, share more details below on exactly how and how you tend to overcome this lie on a day-to-day basis.

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