He worked freely for over 5 years...just to marry his wife

What if I told you to name your price? As in, what if you could set the number of hours you’d work in order to earn your current salary for the year? The ball is completely in your court. What would you say? 

Can’t settle on a dollar amount?

What if instead, I asked, how many hours would you work for a year’s worth of groceries? Or for tuition? Or for a TV, car, or house? 

Weird question? It’s get weirder. 

What if I said, how many hours would you work...to marry the spouse of your dreams? 

Genesis 29 shows us that a man named Jacob was given this very proposition. 

Jacob fell in love (maybe lust lol) immediately after laying eyes on his first cousin, Rachel, while he was on the run from his brother who was trying to kill him (the Bible is quite entertaining). After a month of staying with Rachel’s parents during his journey, Rachel’s father, Laban, told Jacob the following: 

 “15 “Because you are my relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what should your wages be?” 

Note carefully what Jacob says in response: 

18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

Laban didn’t demand Jacob to work seven years for his daughter. Laban didn’t even request it. Jacob VOLUNTARILY chose to work for seven years. The terms and conditions were set by Jacob.

Why would he do this? 

I believe it’s because, in Jacob’s eyes, seven years of labor was the worth of making Rachel his future bride.

To Jacob, Rachel was worthy of seven years of free labor. 

Gosh, this may sound preposterous to some, but I actually think this is absolutely beautiful.

I’m quite the romantic and love love stories in the Bible. I could read Songs of Solomon every night. I could read Francine Rivers’ books and blush every time. Therefore, you’d think I’d smile when reading stories like Jacob’s. 

But this time when reading his story, I became a bit confused, then disheartened. In the midst of reading Genesis 29, the reality set in for me that Jacob’s actions would appear so rare in our day and age.

Jacob saw the worth of his bride and voluntarily named his wages—gladly working for what she was worth. 

You have to understand. I live in a culture today that values doing as little as possible to get as much worth as possible...whether it be a tangible item, an experience, or in many cases, a relationship. We call this “working smarter” because who wants to work harder? 

There are some appropriate places for this mindset, I can’t lie. 

But what happens when this type of thinking removes our ability to accurately evaluate things in our lives that were never meant to be cheapened by efficiency assessments, cost-benefit analyses, and returns on investment estimates?

What if we realized the immeasurable value of certain things in our life and worked heartily simply in accordance with what it meant to us? 

For instance, what is your personal assessment for the value of your marriage?

What about your relationship with your child, parents, or friends?

How much worth is the health of your body, the Lord’s temple, to you?

How much do you honestly value your time? 

All I’m saying is this: If some of these things are of great worth to you, do your actions, priorities, and work reflect it? 

Rachel was worth seven years of work in the eyes of Jacob. And Jacob considered those seven years as if they were merely days because of his love for Rachel. 

20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

I imagine he didn’t complain about the amount of time nor work that he was putting in to marry her. His work reflected her worth to him. 

PonderedThought: Next time you find yourself complaining about how long or hard you’re having to work on something, whether it’s your marriage, relationships, health, job, a degree, etc—ask yourself, “how much value do I place this?” If you value it greatly, do the work cheerfully, don’t cut any corners, and stop complaining. If certain things are not of much value to you, reprioritize your life so that other things that are of greater value receive your greater attention and energy. 

Evan is an amazing husband...but I still need my Jonathan

So when I first presented this blog title to my husband, his expression was immediate. I don’t recall his coming words, but his pointed look said it all, “...Jonathan? Heck no. Jonathan WHO?!”

I figure you may be thinking the same thing. So I’ll get straight to the point. My marriage is literally the most intimate relationship that I’ll ever experience. There’s a reason why Scripture states that a husband and wife are to become one.

“ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

— Genesis 2:24

My husband and I are literally one flesh in the eyes of God. This is why divorce is problematic. It’s interesting that this term “one flesh” is used between husband and wife and not between siblings, nor between parent and child, nor between the closest of friends.

So I say without reservation that my husband is my bestie, my partner, my covering, my love, and my heart.

And yet even still, with me marrying the sexiest man on this planet, a man who provides and dies to himself daily for myself and our family, a man who encourages me to flourish in my passions and pursuits…even my husband believes that I still need my Jonathan in order to live the abundant life that Christ has granted me.  

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt."

2 Samuel 18:1-4

Quick context:  Saul was King of Israel.. Saul’s son was Jonathan. So the next in line to be king was technically...who? Jonathan.

But the Lord anointed some shepherd boy that no one knew of to be King. His name was David. Funny enough, Jonathan became friends with the very one who was anointed to take his father’s kingdom from him. Not once did David’s anointing make Jonathan jealous. In fact, Jonathan did everything in his power to ensure that David became king.  To add to this soap opera, Jonathan’s father, Saul, knew the Lord had anointed David to become king and wanted to kill David. But guess what? Jonathan protected David.  David could have easily been killed by Saul, if not for the friendship, loyalty, and brotherhood between Jonathan and David.

So again, why do I share these verses?

My husband is my closest friend, my partner, my covering, my love, and my heart...and yet, I still need godly friendships with other women in order to flourish as a child of God.

My Jonathan is not one person but a tribe of women who hold me accountable, rebuke me when necessary, advise me when I don’t want to listen, empathize with me when I simply need to hear, “Awwww...really? That’s hard,” and encourage my giftings without jealousy.

We as women need one another. But more than that, we need select (very select) women in our inner circles in order to flourish as individuals.

My husband is uhmazing! And yet still, homegirl needs my one friend who can tell me point-blankly when I need to go apologize to my husband because I was out of pocket.

My other friend who listens, with quiet poise, to my struggles and has a way of asking one question that can make me change the course of my thinking (even after the phone conversation ends).

My other friend who allows me to confess my sin and prays for me, without dismissing what I have to say by saying, “Girl, it’s okay!”...when it isn’t.

My mom who has a way of letting me know that I’ll get through “whatever” because she did. My sisters who can tell me, without disclaimers, when I’m in a bad mood or being nitpicky or need to change clothes. I could seriously go on and on.

My Jonathan also comes in the form of different groups. I go to a dope bible study group that is filled with Spirit-filled women who allow me to glean freely from their revelations from the Word. I go to an awesome Moms group that has women who love God and have more kids, more experience, and more funny stories to share about crazy dinner times, potty training, meltdowns, and weight loss goals.

The point is this... I need other women in my life. And you do too. Not only that, other women need you.

If you don’t have what I just described don’t get discouraged—pray for one. This was my prayer a couple of years ago when first moving to Chicago. I knew I needed sisters to walk alongside with and women whose footsteps I could follow. But after a year, I looked around and saw surface friendships at best. Despite my best efforts, things weren’t going in the direction that I’d envisioned.

That’s until my husband, Evan, told me to simply pray for deeper friendships. And so I prayed. Honestly, that was my first time praying for that. And the Lord brought women into my life in the most unexpected of ways. It wasn’t instantaneous. It took time and faith. But in time, God answered that prayer.  Why? Because I believe the Lord takes pleasure in his children being in healthy community. King David didn’t just have Jonathan. In certain seasons he had a Samuel, a Nathan, an Ittai, a Hushai, etc. And each relationship looked different but was just what the other needed in that season.

PonderedThought: Who are your Jonathans in your life? Are you nurturing,investing, and praying over those relationships? Take time to think about these Jonathans and begin prioritizing these persons or groups. You need them, and they need you, more than you think. If you don't have any, ask yourself “why?” and pray that your relationships with other godly women grow more deeply.

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I Never Knew the Purpose of Chinaware...Until I Met You

The Pastor said we women aren’t “lesser than” but like delicate fine chinaware—to be handled with care and gentleness. No matter how hard I attempt to put up the exterior shell, his words ring true when I'm with you.

I don't like that, in the middle of night, you can simply touch the arch of my back and instantly cause my heart to beat with more ease. Or that when I'm out in public, I easily put up my guard, but when you show up, I just as easily become less aware of my surroundings. Or that when I desperately attempt to be upset, you have a way of melting away the coldness that was intended for payback. Or that when I try to act more put-together than I am, you have a way of coming alongside and quietly protecting the vulnerabilities no one else sees.

You have an effect on me, no matter the exterior shell I wish to put up. 

Husbands, continue to treat your wives like fine chinaware, because whether we like it or not—you have an effect on us. Thus the opposite can ring true.

Don't raise your voice at her when you’re angered. Don't treat her with contempt when you grow weary. Don't ignore her when she's in need of a hug. Don't look at your phone when she’s pouring out her heart about something subjectively labeled insignificant. Don't grow insensitive when you see her tears—again. Don't stop letting her know of her true value. When you do, she may not react readily, but inwardly she feels what it’s like to be placed in the hands of the one who never read her instructions : "handle with care."

Yeah, I don't like that you have that effect on me, because no matter how hard I try to put up the exterior, I kid myself...knowing that I was neither made to be handled nor dealt with like tupperware. I'm unashamed to say that I'm gentle and need to be carefully handled. 

But be cautious in not misconstruing the message of my words. For I live in a culture in which the prevailing soundbites to be "stronger" are gravely misappropriated. Be strong? That we are. Like fine chinaware, we women test the hands of those whom we allow to handle us. You see...we can’t last in the hands of someone who is weak, clumsy, irresponsible, or unfocused. I'd argue that a husband's strength is reflected in the lack of brokenness, hopelessness, and weariness, revealed in the eyes of his wife. 

Be strong? That we are. Be wise? Welp, that's another blog post...

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I, the Female, you the Male

When did it happen? The transition from best friend to lover to loner. I felt close to you. I felt as a significant twin, almost. And just as suddenly, I saw the unique difference between you and I. I, the female, and you, the male. And we, madly in love, blind to such beautiful variance. As the days rolled on, for whatever reason, the loneliness picked up too, and I saw that my thoughts, feelings, emotions could not be so easily reflected in you anymore. They were isolated, as though apart of an isolated experiment—only found on a distant country. And you, an adventurer, were constantly attempting to discover where the new wind blown from within me originated—but also coming short and resulting in the fatal, “maybe this is just how women are.”

Then our child came, and my emotions, thoughts, and feelings became that much more exacerbated. My ways, that much more differentiated from you. Yet, I needed you just the same. I admired you all the more. And I clung to you—in awe of you, an amazing creation fraught with intentional uniqueness molded by the hands of my Creator.

Though at times I felt lonely, I knew that you probably felt just as lonely too.  I, the female, you, the male. Yet I wondered, “did your world seem to be constantly changing and evolving as mine?” It seemed that you simply grew into a mature man from being a boy; whereas I appeared to evolve into entirely different persons, depending on the season. I don’t remember my teenage self. Perhaps there is still apart of her there. But mostly, I see things, circumstances, responsibilities—and my life adjusts to such.

But Father, where is she deep down within. Many say that one must not lose oneself as one becomes older, and so often women do. But so much of what I’ve become is... myself. I wish not to go back. I simply wish to be seen at current face value and currently understood before the next life event causes a shift in change, just as easily. For me, I look in the mirror and smile at the new ways in which You’ve equipped my inner being to handle the multiple thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities rummaging toward me all at once.  I gaze into her eyes and am amazed at her ability to be gentle, bold, fearless, quiet, outspoken, guarded, vulnerable, submissive, and in charge—in the span of one day. But moreso, I stand in awe at Your ability to make her feel things that no man can understand, while still granting her the strength to undertake tasks that no man can comprehend.

So what do I do now? In the nights in which it is just me and God. Where the world’s rationale provides little reprieve and my thoughts, feelings, and emotions are nowhere to be found upon discovery. Where do I go? Where do I look to? I’m not sure. But in the meantime, I think on the other side of heaven, it’ll be understood a little more closely. Perhaps the Lord made me like this—wives, mothers, grandmothers, women—so that we could understand that there are parts to God that we will never fully understand. That He has deep feelings that we will never fully comprehend. Just as His love is deeply incomprehensible, I wonder if He ever feels alone. I know theologically inconceivable considering the Trinity. But I wonder if He/They/One ever wish to be known just as I am known. If He does—then these feelings are not in vain. In fact, indeed, there is One who truly understands. Therefore, I end these thoughts abruptly due to the peace brought about through the transaction of this one hopeful notion.

I, the female, and you the male. And now, more than ever, in the midst of seeing our differences, I realize I’m not alone. Difference shines light on my deficit, and I see how I need him/You even more. Thank you Father.

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