Stop Saying These Curses Over Your Children
I didn’t realize that I was having these thoughts until my perception of my son began to change one day. I didn’t see him as my once precious sweet little boy. I began to view him through a lens laced with lies-subtly impacting my treatment of him. This scared me.
I sat in our one-bedroom condominium, rocking our three-month-old to sleep—our firstborn, who cried non-stop and needed constant stimulation. Rocking, patting, bouncing, walking. I didn’t know when it would end. I refrained from calling our son a colicky baby, but looking back, his behavior bespoke every textbook definition of colic.
No, instead I tried to tell myself that he was strong-willed. Headstrong. He simply knew what he wanted.
But that mid-afternoon, after constantly rocking him back and forth, I didn’t know what to think anymore. I just knew that I was tired, sleep-exhausted, alone (my husband had recently returned back to work from his paternity leave and traveled weekly), and in need of some sort of reprieve.
I tuned into TBN and YouTube worship videos as my form of escape.
One evening, after a failed attempt to place my baby down for a nap (he just wanted to rest on my chest), I tuned into a scheduled program on TBN with Joyce Meyer.
At this point, I knew all the scheduled pastors on TBN: Pastors John Gray, Joseph Prince, Charles Stanley, Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, Creflo Dollar, Andrew Wommack, Michael Todd, James MacDonald, Robert Morris, etc. I was so desperate to take my mind off my constantly crying baby that I would binge-watch all that TBN programming had to offer.
On this scheduled program, Joyce Meyer spoke on the importance of the tongue. I’d read James 3 and thought I knew the significance of how deadly and rewarding my speech could be.
But this evening the Lord showed me something new.
As Joyce Meyer spoke, the Lord impressed on me that He wanted me to prophetically speak words over my son that I believed that he would become… even if I couldn’t see it. I felt the importance of this command, and so the next morning, during my son’s bath time, I specifically created a song for him. I began singing it over him, and three years later, I still do.
Me singing to our son when he was an infant
When our daughter was born, she was just 6-weeks-old when the Lord gave me another song to sing over her too.
Me singing over our daughter when she was an infant
A few months later, the Lord led me to take things a step further after my son began throwing tantrums and requiring more discipline and attention from me. Without me realizing it, I subtly began to entertain fearful thoughts regarding my son due to witnessing his change in behavior.
Will he be a rebellious teenager in the future?
Will he be like a prodigal child? Will he reject the Lord in the future and have a rough life because of it?
I didn’t realize that I was having these thoughts until my perception of my son began to change one day. I didn’t see him as the sweet precious boy that he was. Instead, I began to view him through a lens laced with lies-subtly impacting my treatment of him. This scared me.
One day, while in my prayer closet, the Lord gave me a future vision of my precious son. The Lord then told me to specifically write out everything I envisioned and then to speak those words over my son daily and to practice visualizing it! So I wrote a paragraph of what I saw and began speaking these things over him DAILY. (I practically know it by heart now.)
Evan Jr. is a God-fearing, faithful, persevering, kind, sober-minded, focused man who submits to the Lord’s authority at all costs. He loves his wife and is diligent in his work and stewards his own gift. He has received a clear and true vision from the Lord. He is strong and an excellent steward of his own physical and spiritual body. He runs and is active and cooks homegrown organic foods. He is confident and secure in himself. He is excellent at investing and making whatever he stewards to grow. He is deeply compassionate and protects his siblings. He stays away from the paths of evil and does not get entangled in civilian affairs since he is a soldier of Christ. Therefore, he doesn’t look to the left nor to the right but keeps His eyes straight ahead on the eyes of Christ. Nor does he walk towards the home of the woman who flatters with her tongue (Proverbs 7).
I did the same exercise for our younger daughter too.
Ada is kind and discerning. She is sharp, organized, and accumulates knowledge, wisdom, and understanding easily. She fears the Lord. She assesses an argument with ease. She has a gentle and quiet spirit. She produces eternal fruit by the work of her hands. She knows that she is seen, known, and loved. She knows that she is beautiful and that she belongs. She knows that she is the apple of the Lord’s eye. She ponders things in her heart before acting on them. She is bold and courageous and does not bow down in the face of evil or trial and tribulation. She fights for the injustices of the oppressed, she speaks for the speechless, she stands up to the powerful and mighty. She does not bow down to evil even in the face of death. She protects her sister and prays for her. She only thinks and wants the best for her sister. Jealousy is not a part of any of our children’s relationships in any way shape or form. As iron sharpens iron- so our children’s relationship sharpens one another. They are all best friends and spur one another towards Christ even while culture becomes more wicked. Our children laugh at the days to come and responsibly take care of one another when Evan (husband) and I transition.
And I began to speak life over my husband too. (I’ll keep the words that I speak over him to myself.)
What I’ve gained from this discipline is that after three months, I truly began to believe these words, and thereby I began to treat my children according to these beliefs rather than impulsively and fearfully reacting to the current actions I saw displayed.
Because I believed it, I found myself shaping and molding them according to what I already believed that they would become...instead of crouching in fear hoping that the future would bode well for them.
Nowadays, I’m so sensitive to any words that I speak over them that if it’s not edifying, I don’t speak it--even if it’s in jest. I’m careful to rebuke even strangers who might be joking and say,
“Oh, she’s going to be ______ when she grows up. He’s going to have a problem with ____ in the future. He’s going to be just like his _____. They’re going to argue all the time...just watch. Oh I can already tell, she’s going to get into a lot of trouble at school. He’s going to hurt himself if…She’s going to make all the ladies jealous. ”
I rebuke these curses immediately in the name of Jesus since it’s not edifying.
Why?
How did the Lord create the heavens and earth?
He spoke them into existence.
Genesis 1, "And God said, 'Let there be...."
How does Satan gain footholds into people’s lives?
He speaks lies.
Our tongues are much more powerful than you think.
Since we are made in the image of God, we should take pause and truly consider the value that the Lord places on our speech. It’s a part of His design, and for whatever reason, our words play a vital role in how God allows things to operate in this universe. So it’s worth studying carefully what God says about the tongue.
Proverbs 13:3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
James 1:26; "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless."
Proverbs 21:23 "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."
Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."
1 Peter 3:10 "For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit"
I end this blog post by saying, in short, stop speaking curses over your children, spouses, loved ones, self, and others made in the image of God.
It’s one thing to be honest and truthful about one’s current situation within the frameworks of a healthy perspective. It’s another to project a future reality onto someone that is not edifying but spoken from a place of fear, carelessness, insecurity, disappointment, etc. You never know the damage your one tongue can incite. Likewise, you never know the blessings you hinder due to your speech.
It's quite serious.
Matthew 12:33-36
33“Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. 34“You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. 35“The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil. 36“And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. 37“For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”
P.S. 3.5 weeks until our baby is due. Would absolutely love your prayers over these next few weeks.
Sis, the sins you love today..will affect your children tomorrow. There's HOPE.
Don’t wait until tomorrow. Let go of it today. You never know how the deliverance you seek today sows into the freedom your children will reap tomorrow.
We sat in Panera bread—our soup, salad, and chips spread out on the table in non-orderly fashion. After a quick pause for prayer, we joyfully dug in. As we mindlessly moved from our hot soup, to sips of water in between, to small bites of cold crisp salad, the older lady sitting across from me—the one who had invited me out for an impromptu lunch date, the one who emanated wisdom without haughtiness—looked me squarely in the face with eyes that exuded heavenly zeal. She then carefully stated,
“Jessica, the sins you don’t surrender now to God, will be manifested in your children.”
There was no pause. And yet her words stopped all of time experienced for me in that moment. I don't prefer absolute statements, and so I stared into her eyes with rightful skepticism.
This was my bible study leader and a woman who greatly feared the Lord. The way she spoke of the Lord drew me to her. I cherished her words of advice. And so, despite my skepticism, her warning pierced me in ways that others’ utterances simply couldn’t penetrate (due to my boundaries and often pride).
She didn’t say “might be” or “could possibly.” She unapologetically said, “The sins you don’t surrender now to God, WILL BE manifested in your children.”
And then she used biblical examples and her own life experience to back it up.
The one sin that David didn’t take to the Lord regarded his sexual life. Just read the Psalms and you’ll see. David was open and transparent with God in several areas of his life, except when it came to sexual temptation. Hence, he had multiple wives and committed adultery/rape with Bathsheba.
Was sexual sin manifested in his children?
David’s son Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Solomon’s pagan relations with women is believed to have been one of the main causes for the division of the Israelite kingdom an entire generation later.
David’s other son Amnon actually fell sick because Amnon was so overcome with lust for his half-sister Tamar. Tragically, Amnon’s lust eventually drove him to actually rape his own half-sister.
What about David’s other children?
When David committed his sexual sin with Bathsheba, the Lord said,
“ Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.”
The Lord promised that the sexual sin that David did in secret would be manifested in public through someone else. That “someone else” was through David’s other son, Absalom. David’s son Absalom slept with all of David’s concubines openly for everyone to see.
Do you now see the common theme of sexual sin that ran rampant in David’s children?
If that example doesn’t convict you, let’s look at Abraham.
Abraham, the father of faith, had a habit of lying. Abraham lied TWICE and said that his wife, Sarah, was his sister when he was faced with the threat of death.
Because Sarah was beautiful, Abraham didn’t want Pharaoh (Genesis 12) nor King Abimelech (Genesis 20) to kill him in order to marry his wife, and so he lied on two separate occasions and said that she was his sister. Many years later, Abraham’s son, Isaac, was faced with a similar predicament and did the same. Isaac lied and told King Abimelech that his wife, Rebecca, was his sister (Genesis 26). That lie didn’t last long though because the king saw Isaac caressing his wife outside in a way that would have let anyone know that homegirl was not Isaac’s sister.
It doesn’t end there though. Many years later, Isaac’s son and Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, picked up this same sin too by lying and telling his father that he was his older brother, Esau instead of Jacob, in order to receive the blessing intended for the elder son. Then Jacob’s own children lied to him by telling him that Joseph, their brother and Jacob’s youngest son at the time, was killed by a wild beast when in actuality they had sold Joseph off into slavery to the Ishmaelites (Genesis 36). The “lying” stronghold manifested itself generationally, from Abraham to Isaac to Jacob and all the way to the children of Jacob.
So when my bible study leader said “will be” I see now that she’s right.
If I don’t sacrifice my choice of sin at the altar, the sin that Christ died for, the sin that I can experience victory over- it is more than likely going to be manifested in my children.
This is how generational curses, sins, and struggles persist through family lines. It is up to us as believers to interrupt these patterns.
How can you change the future of your family? Surrender to God the choice of sin you so dearly cling to. In so doing, you can protect your children from experiencing the same struggle.
Do you disrespect and mistreat your spouse without shame?
Do you panic and allow fear and anxiety to dictate your actions when you feel out of control?
Do you surrender those insecurities about your body or looks by clinging to God’s word that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Or do you fuel them by comparing yourself to others in your newsfeed, insta stories, and celebrity fanfare?
Do you find that you often covet? As in do you find yourself secretly wanting the social status, marital status, children status, or any status of others?
Do you turn to food, television, CBD,or pills for a peace and escape that only the Lord YEARNS to give to you if you'd run to Him as a child in crisis moments?
These struggles may feel personal to just you, but be not deceived...
children pick up on these things.
Your son is watching.
Your daughter is observing.
Would you want your daughter/son following in your footsteps?
Even if children are only a dream of your future, they will still be impacted by your actions in the present.
Again, surrender whatever choice of sin you so dearly cling to. Otherwise, it could be manifested in your children.
Lastly, there’s hope. Please Understand. THERE'S HOPE.
If you’ve seen this to already be true in your own life and in your own children, identify the generational sin by name and rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Repent and go to the Lord for His ALMIGHTY HELP through the power of the Holy Spirit to experience victory. Prayer is powerful.
It’s NEVER too late to experience the redemptive work of Jesus Christ in your life, your children’s lives, and in generations to come.
Can I repeat myself once more?
That sin you wrestle with-Christ died for it. There’s no need carrying it, experiencing defeat, and passing it on from one generation to the next. But I beg you. Let go of it today. Do whatever you must to surrender it.
You never know how the deliverance you seek today sows into the freedom your children will reap tomorrow.
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Beware: A dangerous mentality invading Christian culture
Now that I’ve been in the “Christian” circle for a couple of years, there’s something that the Lord is now teaching me to be very wary of. It’s subtle. It’s sneaky. And it can come upon anyone without advanced warning.
When I first began walking closely with the Lord, there was a sort of righteous fear that overwhelmed me. His presence, His glory, and His authority went beyond the scope of my finite understanding. Because of that, I held His Word preciously in my heart. I fearfully examined and readily applied any directive, despite several failings.
Being reminded of the emptiness I felt before walking with the Lord, I discovered a heart posture of humility that no book, sermon, nor song could teach.
As an unfortunate parallel to this holy fear, I often became overcome with condemnation when I stared into the contrast between the holiness of God and my personal sinful condition. Aware of His holiness, I constantly found myself taking my eyes off my Perfect Savior and settling onto the view of my own shortcomings.
Condemnation often led to guilt. Guilt then led to deep shame. This wasn’t from the Holy One.
Thankfully, His Word healed my own self-inflicted wounds.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
“As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us”
The Lord taught me that shame was not from Him. He taught me the power of His Blood. He gave me freedom, secure love, and peace.
But now that I’ve been in the “Christian” circle for a couple of years, there’s something that the Lord is now teaching me to be very wary of.
It’s subtle.
It’s sneaky.
And it can come upon anyone without advanced warning.
It’s...Spiritual pride.
There are two sides to spiritual pride. On the one hand, you might find others who base their salvation in the things that they do and judge others’ salvation or righteousness based on their human-made list as well.
For instance, the list could be, “I fast once a month. I pay my tithes. I read the Word every day. I go to church every Sunday. I volunteer in the children’s church. And I don’t use social media. ”
The list itself isn’t the problem. In fact, this list contains some pretty powerful spiritual practices that could really help some grow in their faith.
The problem is when a person believes that “because I do (___), I am (saved, righteous, or pleasing in the Lord’s sight)”. This belief cheapens the blood of Jesus Christ. By trying to gain with human works that which could only be done through divine sacrifice, cheapens the blood of Jesus Christ.
The essence of salvation in Christianity, which makes it different from all other religions, is that Jesus literally did it all. We don’t have to “do” in order to “be.” We are already righteous in the eyes of God. Rather, it’s because of our gratitude for this overwhelming grace of God and our love for God that we voluntarily fast, give, spend time with God, and serve others.
Do you see the difference?
Okay. But that’s just one side of spiritual pride.
There’s another. This “other” is growing more prevalent within Christian culture and even in my own heart. It’s something that the Lord is warning me about. Perhaps, you too.
The second side of spiritual pride is the hidden belief that one is Christ or above Christ.
If you just wrenched your nose and inwardly shook your head and said to yourself, “Blasphemy. That’s not me at all, Jessica!” hold tight and keep reading, because it may very well be you.
Yes, there’s legalism. But the opposite extreme of a legalistic culture is an elitist mentality that one is above the commands of God. This too is spiritual pride. And both are equally as dangerous.
Luke 6: 40
“A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher.”
The temptation (notice that this can be a temptation and not an automatic trap we fall into) that can arise from drawing closer to the Lord, from receiving divine revelations, from becoming acquainted with one’s own spiritual gifts, and from recognizing one’s spiritual authority...is that one can hold the subtle belief that he/she is Christ or above Christ... rather than like Christ.
What do I mean by this?
The attempt to be Christ or to be above Him is to… pick and choose what is right and wrong, to casually consider what to apply and what to ignore, and to compartmentalize what is significant versus insignificant. It is to know the Word, teach the Word, but not follow ALL of the Word—especially parts personally deemed insignificant.
This sort of spiritual pride can take on various forms. But I’ll name some hypothetical thought patterns most culturally relevant:
I know that it’s important to renew my mind and that I’m commanded in the Bible to do so, but I’ve gotten older. I used to read the Scriptures and even memorize them, but now that I’m older, I already know what’s in the Bible. There’s no use studying it with the same level of fervency as before. Been there... done that. Besides, at least I'm not in the streets like I used to be and like some of these lost young people.
Or...To be holy is to be set apart. I know this and can break down scriptures that speak on the differences in being sanctified, reconciled, and redeemed. But I can curse a little. It’s not that big of a deal. They’re just words at the end of the day. I just won’t say it around my children. And if I’m excited or frustrated, I can throw around God’s name irreverently. God knows my heart.
Or...I know all about spiritual soul ties and the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage. I could teach an entire lecture on 1 Corinthians 6. But when it comes to me, God understands. I personally can’t do it. Yeah yeah yeah, I know 2 Peter 1:3 states that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness, but I’m human. But hey, I’ll fast from sex for a couple of months. But that’s all I can commit to.
Or... God says the eye is the lamp of the body, but I’m not affected by what I see on TV, Netflix, or Youtube anymore. So I can watch whatever I want and listen to whatever I want. But I’ll make sure to tell the little ones to close their eyes when that sex scene comes on. My soul will remain unaffected.
Or my favorite..I know that God sees lying as an abomination, but I need to take a day trip. So I'll call in sick. They don’t give me enough days off anyway. At least I show up to work faithfully.
Be wary of this, beloved.
As we Christians become more aware of the dangers of self-righteousness and legalism, let us also be just as vigilant to beware of an elitist mentality that attempts to put us above the commands of God. All of the Word of God is true and ought to be applied.
Hear me. There is a difference between the person who curses like a sailor, struggles with porn, has illicit sex but repeatedly reaches for our loving Father, confesses wrongdoing, and makes sincere efforts to walk back on the straight and narrow... and the person who knows a way is not pleasing to God and pridefully justifies a continued trek.
How can someone arrive to the latter? How can one become hardened to sin? I honestly think it boils down to 2 things:
Not having a healthy fear of the Lord
Forgetting one’s spiritual depravity before Christ. And forgetting one’s continued need for Christ.
Do you have a healthy fear of God? I know He’s your homie, but is He your Lord, Master, and King too? If a believer, do you vividly recall the darkness that God brought you out of? Do you wake up each day with the sense of indebtedness in acknowledging who Christ is to you, what He has done for you, and that you are nothing without Him? Remembering lends itself to humility. Forgetting, is a black hole to spiritual pride.
If this is you, don’t be discouraged. It was also me like yesterday (hence, the birth of this blog post). There’s hope for us.
First, repent.
Turn away from pride and to God— in the most transparent of ways without shame, knowing that Your God is gentle. He is not going to throw fire on You. He rejoices more than anything in You coming to Him humbly as a child in need of forgiveness (Luke 15:1-7). For me, sometimes this one act can sometimes take a while (um...days sometimes) because pride has to literally GO in order to do this. In doing this, the Lord will really show you how He views that particular act of sin that you thought wasn’t a big deal. He will never condemn.
However, don’t be surprised if you find yourself in a state of mourning. Sin is serious. And when the Holy Spirit shows you the actual severity of your actions that you thought was no big deal—you should mourn. When you read the Psalms, you witness King David literally mourning over his sin (Psalm 51). He is not wallowing in condemnation. He is mourning, which is a healthy practice after realizing what breaks God’s heart.
Secondly, pray fervently for a righteous fear of God.
Remember it is dangerous to be in a place where you think you can live outside the commands of God’s Word. It’s so easy to do when approaching the Word while in a state of spiritual pride. Remember, the goal is to be like Christ. Even as God and man, Jesus humbly submitted himself to the will and word of the Father, and that is our call as well. You never want to assume that you possess the authority of Christ to pick and choose what is right and what is wrong, what to apply and what to ignore, and what is significant and what is insignificant.
PonderedThought: Do your actions sometimes reflect the belief that you have the same authority as Christ? Do you subtly gloss over some scriptures and pick and choose which scriptures to ascribe to? Praise God for revealing that to you. Now, Confess. Repent. And Remember. Remember that we are all wretched sinners in need of a Saviour on a daily basis.
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That time I discovered Jesus came through a prostitute: Do you know what this means?
The implications of understanding are highly underestimated. Jesus understands why you’re not trusting Him right now..why you just shutdown after hearing that comment…what led you to that particular inner struggle in your life. His understanding doesn’t excuse nor justify your sin. But He understands…and He forgives.
Have you ever read Matthew 1?
One day I was reading Matthew 1 when our baby went down for a midday nap on my chest (because he wouldn’t let me lay him down in his bed).
I grabbed my Bible and managed to sneak a pen in my hand to read Matthew 1. Then I asked the Lord to give me a rich revelation and to do so quickly before the baby woke up. I didn’t want just to read words. I needed revelation. What I found astounded me!
Go ahead. Take a chance to stop and read it real quick.
You know you have the time.
You’re probably already distracted from doing whatever else.
I’ll wait.
Did you see it? Did you notice that Matthew 1 lists only five women by name in Jesus’ genealogy? Four take particular interest to me. I’ll tell you why.
Within these four listed female names, you might find, what others have labeled, the following: a Fornicator, a gentile, a prostitute, and an adulterer. Before you stop and mentally check out for whatever reason, read until the end. Trust me.
Tamar committed fornication by having sexual relations with her father-in-law.
Rahab was a prostitute.
Ruth was an outsider and pagan by blood. Her very people were birthed out of incest and were enemies of the Israelites (i.e., hired a man named Balaam to curse the Israelites.)
Bathsheba committed adultery against her husband. Then her lover, King David, had her husband killed.
Do you see the descriptions that I listed for each woman? You may still wonder why I take such interest in each of these women. It’s because when you take the opportunity to stop and truly study the stories of these women, you’ll discover that the previous descriptions listed above are either not true or only scratch the surface to the telling of their story. Gasp, I know.
I’ll show you how.
Let’s begin.
Tamar, the fornicator: Tamar was a young girl who married the eldest son of Judah, Er. Unfortunately, Er was killed by God due to his wicked acts committed against God. Therefore, by law (Deuteronomy 25:5). Tamar married the second eldest son of Judah, Onan. Well, Onan died as well because he refused to bear children with Tamar. Why? Because Onan knew that if Tamar were to become pregnant, their first child would have to be dedicated to his deceased brother (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). Therefore, every time he and Tamar were intimate, Onan would make sure that his seed was wasted. Well, in judgment for this wicked act, the Lord caused him to die too. So then Tamar was left to marry the third and final son of Judah, Shelah. But by this time Judah, and just about everyone else, thought Tamar was cursed. Judah basically told Tamar that he’d give his youngest son to her in marriage under one condition. She needed to wait for him to get older first.
Judah’s youngest son got older and guess what?! Judah didn’t fulfill his promise. Keep in mind, a female widow, with no children, held no income and no future security because of her lack of offspring. So what is a widow, who has no children, and who is seen as cursed to do? Tamar took matters into her own hands.
One day, Tamar dressed as a prostitute and met Judah while he was on his way to Timnah to shear his sheep. Judah saw a woman dressed as a prostitute, but he didn’t know that this woman was Tamar, his daughter-in-law. Judah stopped and paid to sleep with her. Tamar immediately became pregnant with twins. The story gets even more interesting. But before I continue, what do you think? Was Tamar a fornicator, a strategist, a survivalist, or a conniver? It’s worth thinking about. For now, let’s move on.
Rahab, the prostitute: Rahab was a prostitute in the city of Jericho, a city known for worshiping other gods. Despite the fact that the people of Jericho were known for their unbelief and disloyalty to the God of the Hebrews, Rahab became known for her faith in the God of the Hebrews. How? After hearing about God’s wondrous acts done in Egypt, when setting the Israelites free, Rahab believed that the God of the Hebrews was the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords. Therefore, Rahab gladly hid two Israelite spies when these two came to spy out her native land, Jericho.
Ruth, pagan by blood: Ruth was a Moabite whose family lineage was questionable from the start. Do you know how the lineage of the Moabites began? Here’s the story. A man named Lot had two daughters. One night one of his daughters got Lot (her father) drunk and had sexual intercourse with him and became pregnant. Lot’s son/grandson was named Moab. Ruth’s very lineage was birthed out of incest. The Moabites went on to became longtime enemies to the Israelites.
Bathsheba, the mistress and adulterer: Bathsheba was spotted by David while she was bathing naked one day. David immediately ordered to have Bathsheba taken to his bedroom where he laid with her. She then became pregnant. He then conspired to have her husband killed and later married her. In David’s ploy to have Bathsheba’s husband killed, he sent her husband (and others) to the front lines of a battle. Bathsheba’s husband wasn’t the only one intentionally murdered by David that day. Other husbands were consequently murdered too. Bathsheba became known as an adulteress and one responsible for the deaths of other husbands.
Whew. Talk about a history crash course. Now, why did I find it necessary to share these stories? It’s because each of these women is a part of the bloodline of Jesus Christ the Messiah. Yes, Jesus came through each of these women’s lineages.
But when I first read Matthew 1 that day, I wondered why the Lord would name these four particular women. I mean, there are several other women that He could’ve named that were a part of His lineage. And I can’t help but wonder why these four names were explicitly mentioned.
Is it to show us how He loved these women, with their messed up lives and all? To show that if a Holy God could choose them that He can also choose us? This is the narrative I often hear and grew up hearing. But I think there’s more to this passage.
I’ve literally been sitting on these thoughts for the past 6-7 weeks.
And for that reason, I’ve been looking at each of these ladies’ stories a little bit more closely. In doing so, I’m beginning to realize that these women were affected by circumstances in which they had absolutely no control over. While the world defined them by these circumstances (fornicator, prostitute, pagan ancestry, adulteress), Jesus redefined them despite these circumstances. I think this is the message here.
It’s as if the Lord is saying in my head,
“Any person can give you a label after witnessing one act committed by you, without knowing the full story. But I defy labels. I not only can forgive but I also have the power of understanding..understanding how you did what you did, are who you are, and came to be affected by that which was out of your control. I forgive you Jessica, and I understand.
I understand what led you to that particular inner struggle in your life. I understand why you lashed out at that moment. I understand why you just shut down when your husband said that statement. I understand why you are not trusting me right now. I understand why you have that insecurity and are not trusting in the identity that I gave to you. No, my understanding doesn’t excuse nor justify your sin. But I understand and I forgive.”
You could easily look at Tamar and judge her for sleeping with her father-in-law. But once Judah discovered that he slept with his daughter-in-law, Judah is even quoted saying, “She is more righteous than I since I wouldn't give her to my son Shelah (Genesis 38:26)." Judah and Tamar married, as odd as that sounds, but Judah did not sleep with her again. Jesus chose to come through the lineage of one of their twin sons.
You could easily look at Rahab with a downcast nose due to her work. But have you ever wondered how Rahab became a prostitute? Was she sold by her family at a young age to become a temple prostitute? Was she plagued with the thought of how to get out of prostitution but couldn’t? Did Rahab have a choice in the matter? Was this prostitution or was this sex trafficking... or is the difference so slight that it really doesn’t matter deciphering the distinction?
And have you ever considered the fact that if it weren’t for Rahab’s faith, we wouldn’t have had the beautiful story of Ruth? Did you know that Ruth went on to marry Rahab’s son, Boaz, and eventually through Boaz’s lineage came King David? Recall, Ruth wasn’t responsible for the birth of her lineage, the Moabites, and yet she was forever associated with it. Despite such, the Lord divinely planned for her to marry a wealthy Israelite and chose to come through her “pagan” blood.
Lastly, you could easily look at Bathsheba and cast her off as a gold digger or adulterer when she was neither. She was raped, forced to endure the death of her husband, forced to marry King David, forced to endure the death of her first son due to David’s sin. And yet, the Lord chose for her to give birth to King Solomon (despite David’s sin), the richest and wisest King to have ever lived.
I believe one of the reasons the Lord explicitly listed these women in Matthew 1 was to demonstrate how He eludes labels, judgments, boxes, and given identities. I don’t think the Lord chose the birth of Jesus to be associated with any of these women because He felt sorry for them. I believe He chose them because He understood their story. He understood their pain. He understood their struggles, as only He is able to do. And in light of all of that--He still chose them.
What I love about each of these women, is that the world placed one title on them, as we still do today, but the Lord hadn’t. Often, the very titles you allow others to pen on you, you inadvertently put on yourself. But the same ones who placed those titles on you don’t even know your full story, whereas God does.
PonderedThought: It’s important to understand and to recognize a person’s full story-even your own. In doing so, you will be less likely to run to labels to define others and yourself. I challenge you to look more closely at certain people in the bible. or even in your own life, and to seek understanding behind certain actions that you witness.
(I’m well aware that this blog post is already long enough, but I need to continue my next line of thought as well.)
I bet if you were to seek understanding, you’ll also find it easier to forgive as well. Next time, you run into a pattern of judging someone or even withholding forgiveness, seek to understand why they did what they did, are who they are, or said what they said. Not in the motivation of justifying inexcusable behavior, but rather, in the hopes of ultimately forgiving.
For instance, it’s easier for me to forgive that student in the classroom, who lashes out, when I discover that she lashes out because she’s desperate for attention; and when she gets home, the taste for love will grow more parched with each passing day. It’s easier for me to forgive that clerk who was rude to me when I come to understand that she does this as a self-defense mechanism when she feels threatened, further exposing a deeper insecurity of being ashamed of not knowing the answer to a simple question asked by a customer. You get the point. Forgiveness is easier (notice the “ier” part) when it is coupled with understanding.
Lately, the Holy Spirit has been leading me to do this, and it has made all the difference. I believe this is what the Lord wanted me to see that day when I read Matthew 1. It’s important to understand and to recognize a person’s story.