When God’s “favor” isn’t found in the result… but in the process. May you have eyes to see and be thankful

My youthful thinking always viewed the “favor” of God in the tangibles: a parking spot, entry into a party without waiting, unexpected extra credit on a test.

You might laugh. I still do.

My less youthful thinking transitioned into viewing favor in terms of even more “important” tangibles: a new job, a new house, health, and bills paid.

My recent experience and reading of God's Word are challenging my viewpoint on favor.

I'd argue that the more arduous the process, the more refining of His fire, the more one is forced to "wait on the Lord,” and the more tests and trials…… the richer the taste of His favor appears in hindsight.

What if you’ve been waiting for a certain result…thinking the Lord has forsaken you or is teasing you…when in actuality, He’s allowing His favor to pour out upon you abundantly through a process that He’s carefully curating for your spiritual walk so that you know Him, abide in Him, depend on Him, rest in Him, love Him, and conform to the image of His Son Jesus Christ.

What if you've been frantically looking for a certain result-entirely missing the beauty of your current process?

Story Time.

My husband and I have five precious children.

6-9 months after the birth of each of my children, without fail, I often receive a huge burst of ambition.

It's a bit difficult to explain but as best as I can put it, I feel the need to go out and conquer the world.

Maybe not "the" world, but certainly the parts of it that involve me.

For instance, during this time period, I get different ideas on how to redecorate the house. I want to immediately implement new systems into the home. I want to start a business or two as side hustles. I suddenly want to gain new skills as a homemaker. I want to get busy and "succeed."

After the birth of our secondborn, this ambition sprung forth with fierce energy and focus.

I took on a side hustle with gladness. I made plans to start a virtual nutritional coaching business.

I looked into getting a type of certification. My husband and I made our annual vision plan at the top of the year with our lists, goals, and plans, and believed the Lord was going to come through in a pretty significant way.

Within the span of a month, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to stop my side hustle completely. He gave me a dream and told me to focus my attention on praying that He would bless my husband's business and pray that all of our tangible desires/needs would come through his business. The Holy Spirit told me to pause on the nutritional coaching.

Within a month, I was pregnant with our third. After our third was born, the same "go forth and conquer" ambition arose, and just as quickly, I got pregnant with our fourth.

Why do I share this?

Honestly, most of the lists, goals, and plans that my husband and I have made year after year have not come to fruition.

My nature is to think that all limitations are self-imposed. That there are no problems, only solutions. That if you want to get something done, you must go out and figure it out. That formulas are the only solutions to bearing fruit.

But God, in His love, has shown me a different way. Because He loves me so much, the formulas that typically might make another person "successful"-albeit the self-help books, podcasts, "how to" blog posts-will not amount to anything in my life, by His divine hindrance, if it’s a part from Him and His divine timing. It simply won't bear eternal fruit.

In other words, the Lord won't allow me to build my own tower of babel, even if others are able to build one, revel in it, and falsely give God "glory" for it.

(Disclaimer: I'm not against formulas. I believe the Holy Spirit can lead one to follow ones in certain areas of life by His leading. But even in that, may your dependence be on the Holy Spirit and not in the formula. The Holy Spirit can make any formula bear eternal fruit if you're going by His leading. Fruit points to the glory of God. Formulas and outputs ALONE point to the glory of man.)

The Lord is creating a process for me that REQUIRES me to rely wholeheartedly on Him. A process that forces me to run into His presence for sustenance. A process where I utter, without pause, “Lord you’re my only solution. Give me Your wisdom.” It’s a process that I'm just now fully embracing.

So why do I mention this whole thing about favor being found in the processes and not only the result?

Did you know that before Moses delivered the Israelites from the hand of Pharaoh after 450 years of slavery, Moses was an obscure shepherd for 40 years?

Before David became King over Israel and Judah, he was a nomad for years--running for his life from King Saul. Although anointed king in his teenage years, David didn’t become king over both of these regions until another 10+ years

Before Joseph became vice-regent to Pharaoh, he was sold into slavery, falsely accused of rape, and jailed again. Overall, he went through 13 years of waiting before the promise of God was fulfilled in His life.

If you ONLY saw Moses standing up to Pharaoh with boldness and power, if you ONLY saw this young King David ruling Israel and Judah and winning different battles left and right, if you ONly saw Joseph in a highly-esteemed position and handling the grain for all of Israel and surrounding areas during a famine…

it would be EASY to THEN and only then say that these men were highly favored.

But let me submit this to you. 

They were highly favored before the results were evident to man's eye. The Lord, in His abundant love, ALLOWED for them to go through a "process" that prepared them to be used for His Glory. He broke them. He humbled them. He allowed them to walk through many valleys.

Keep your chin up, beloved. To grow in the favor of God and man, seek God. Surrender to Him. Humble yourself. And accept the process He so chooses to take you through.

Don't rush it. Don't doubt it. Worship Him through it. And thank Him for it in the midst of it. 

Lastly, remember that He IS the ULTIMATE reward. Not the result you so desire.

The RESULT is not the ultimate reward.

Let me pause for those in the back.

THAT specific result in your head, which may or may not come in the form that you're imagining, is not the ULTIMATE REWARD.

I used to think (and still do, depending on the day) that if I could just get to this point in life, receive this amount of money, go on this vacation, be able to sleep for 8+ hours uninterrupted, never have to cook another meal by choice...then I could rest and feel His favor upon my life.

As of recently, honey, I wake up feeling the luxuries of having my name written in the Book of Life and being in communion with the Creator of the entire universe.

Be careful to not idolize whatever "result" you so desire. May your primary heart's desire simply be...Him, His Will, and His ways. Often the results come in due time-but in Christ's love, AND when you wait on His timing, the results will come in a season when they are no longer your heart's ULTIMATE desire.

In short, embrace the process beloved. When the process is from God, it will draw you into deeper intimacy with Him. And before you know it, you’ll prize that intimacy more than anything else.

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Do the Last Thing God Told You to Do.

My current bible study group is studying the book of John, and because of it, I’ve been meditating on certain passages of scripture these past few weeks.

When reading the Word one Sunday morning, amidst a baby crying, a toddler wanting my attention, and my thirst reminding this breastfeeding mama to drink more water, the Lord gave me something to chew on when reflecting on these few verses. 

Take a quick read: 

19 Now this was John’s testimony when the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was. 20 He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, “I am not the Messiah.”

21 They asked him, “Then who are you? Are you Elijah?”

He said, “I am not.”

“Are you the Prophet?”

He answered, “No.”

22 Finally they said, “Who are you? Give us an answer to take back to those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?”

23 John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”

Context first. This passage comes about during a time when John the Baptist was calling people to repentance before the beginning of Jesus’ ministry.

John the Baptist was drawing crowds of people, baptizing them, calling religious leaders and those in authority out on their sins. He appeared to be something real special. 

Seeing these crowds, the Levites and the priests asked John the Baptist, in short, are you the Messiah, the Prophet, or  Elijah?  

John the Baptist denied being any of these titles, but note John the Baptist’s response at the end of their litany of questions. 

John the Baptist says, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”

John the Baptist may not have given a clean title for what “he was.” But he held pristine clarity regarding what he was supposed to be DOING. 

Y’all. 

Pause right there. 

The priests and the Levites were searching for a title from John the Baptist. Instead of gifting them a prepared label, John the Baptist shares what he was sent “to do.” 

Why did I chew on this one passage for a few weeks?

I learned something from this passage.

Let me share.

In following the Lord, I’m learning that my life trajectory may not fit nicely into a title. Instead of worrying about titles at all, I’m learning to tether myself to the sails of the Holy Spirit and cling to the last thing He told me “to do” rather than the titles I’d like to give myself in hopes of making sense of things,

in hopes of making myself feel more at ease,

in hopes of making others feel more comfortable,

in hopes of making life feel simpler than what it is…

in hopes of not having to sit and rest in the mysterious and unpredictable ways the Lord chooses to move in and through my life.

John the Baptist didn’t feel the need to title his mission.

Take a second to soak that in.

If you’re not careful, you’ll allow a title to become your identity. And instead of serving the Lord with WHATEVER He tells you to do, you can become enslaved to the title you’ve arrested yourself under and become a faithful servant to that title instead of the Lord.

What do I mean by this?

Often we associate “what” we are doing with “who we are,” and the moment the Lord calls us to do something else, we struggle with the transition because we placed so much of our identity in the last thing He told us to do. 

The ONLY IDENTITY you should hold tightly on to is being a beloved child of God. 

Being a beloved child of God may mean taking on a job that you never went to school for. Or staying home to take care of your kiddos at the peak of your career. Or preaching the Gospel to school children in another country even though you’ve been a homemaker for __ amount of years. Or becoming an entrepreneur after being in corporate for decades. 

Your title that you prefer to comfortably sit in should never hold so much power over you that you SIFT  what the Lord commands you to do in certain seasons just because it doesn’t fit your “supposed” identity that YOU’VE created for yourself. 

I’ll get personal. 

When I first began teaching school after college, I figured I’d teach for a bit, go to medical school, and then ultimately “become a doctor.” Throughout my life, I knew I’d be a doctor. But then the Lord told me to stay home with our kids. And then He told me to not only stay home but then to homeschool. And then He told me to learn about health from a more holistic perspective. And then to blog about how I see Him in my everyday life. And then to write stories and read good fiction and cook good food and learn how to bake sourdough bread. Haha, you get my drift. 

You see how one can feel scattered because none of these directives fit into any nice little title. 

In doing the last thing the Lord has told you to do, be careful to not subconsciously place yourself into a limiting box and not be open to the multitude of directions the Lord may take you after your initial step of obedience. 

This is not a license to not be diligent, faithful, or focused.

This is not a license to not seek Godly counsel for wisdom before trying to faithfully carry out the Lord’s commands.

This is not a license to not have vision and goals.

No, be diligent, faithful, focused.

Seek Godly counsel. Make your vision plain.  Just don’t refuse to obey simply because you don’t know how His leading fits into any nice label, or picture, or story, or identity that you’e been creating and thereby following. 

In short, when asking yourself the question,” Who am I?”, may “what you do” not be the pinnacle for “who you are.”

Start here first. I am a beloved son/daughter of the Most High. I serve, love, and am devoted to Him, His thoughts, His ways, and His plans above anything else. And through that, I move to where He tells me to go, when He tells me to go, and how He wants me to go. 

In doing so, it may not look like a pretty understood picture. But continue doing the last thing He told you to do no matter how scattered, unproductive, and illogical it may seem. And know that nothing He calls you to do is above you or beneath you. You only think those thoughts when you identify yourself with anything outside of being a child of God. 

I probably should end this blog post here, but one last thing. 

Although John the Baptist denied being the prophet Elijah…technically, John the Baptist did come in the Spirit of Elijah. But you don’t see John the Baptist sitting around pondering the acceptance of this title. John the Baptist simply knew that He was supposed to be making straight the way of the Lord and that’s exactly what He did. 

I wonder though, what if John the Baptist did recognize that he was the one who had come in the spirit of Elijah?  Would this title have made him doubt his life’s trajectory once he ended up in jail? Would he have wrongfully blamed himself for getting it all wrong after learning that he was about to be beheaded? 

I wonder how differently John the Baptist would’ve moved if he was trying to figure out how life fit into a certain box.

Bringing it back to myself, I can’t sincerely make sense of my life in this current season. Typically, I have a sense of an upward trajectory towards a certain goal that I can see. I can touch. I can feel. 

Instead, I feel like life is barreling towards me and the Holy Spirit is carrying me through the day, the week, the month, the yearssss with varying directives that at times don’t make sense to me. 

I don’t know the end of this story He’s creating in my life for His glory. But I know to trust in being faithful in the last thing He has told me to do. 

That begins with simply writing this blog post lol. 

May this be of any encouragement to you. Do the last thing He told you to do :), beloved child of God.

-Pondered Thought

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"Are you going to die?” my four-year-old son asked. Tough questions during everyday moments.

“Are you going to die?” my four-year-old son asked. 

You’d think that this was his first time asking me such a question. I mean he’s only 4 years old. 

Nope. He’d been asking me this same question for weeks up until that point. 

I’d made the mistake of watching the movie Downton Abbey, while my son and his two-year-old sister played in the background.

It had been a long week. My feet were tired. My pregnant belly extended further than it had just days prior. And my one-year-old daughter was down for a nap. I couldn’t wait to escape through the means of a movie. I figured that Downton Abbey was innocent enough.

And it was.

But then there was a brief funeral at the end. And that’s when the questions began. 

“Mama what’s that? Did she die? Are you going to die?” my son asked feverishly.  

I knew this wasn’t the first time he witnessed death through the means of a screen. He’d seen a dinosaur die in his favorite show, a land before time. He enjoyed smashing ants with triumphant victory whenever he saw one crawl through the crevices of our front door. I knew that he had a general concept of death and finality. But this latest question felt different.

I could see his little eyes grow a bit anxious as he awaited my coming answer. To understand the concept of death is one thing. To unpack its meaning in relation to someone you love…is another. 

“Yes, sweetheart, but when I die I will go to heaven. It’s like me going to sleep and waking up alive again but in heaven,” I tried to reassure.

This was a truth I’d come to cherish for over 20 years. But it was a truth felt with so much more weight as I tried to explain it to my son at that moment.

But he didn’t quite understand. 
“Are you going to die tomorrow? Am I going to die? Let’s pray and ask God for me to never become an adult so I won’t die. Can I ask God that, Mama?” 

I wanted him to know that He could ask God any question he wanted. And so we bowed our heads and he prayed. 

“Did God say ‘yes’ Mama?”

The way he said ‘Mama’ typically didn’t melt my heart, as I’d hear him so often yell it…scream it….whine it….throughout the day. But in that moment, seeing his innocent eyes search for meaning, made me want to hold him tight. I could see him wanting to feel safe.

“I don’t know son. But I believe God has many big plans for you and wants you to live a long time and become a husband and father one day like daddy. “

“Okay. But Mama, I don’t want to die.” 

If you’re a Christian, you don’t really die, son. It’s like going to sleep and waking up in heaven. (How could I explain the differences between the first death and second for believers vs. non believers?)

“Okay. So Christians don’t die?” he asked.

“No, not really sweetheart. They like go to sleep and wake up in heaven.”

For weeks, he kept asking questions regarding death. I tried my best to be honest and sure without provoking fear. His curiosity grew and so did the depth of his questions. 

One random day, while waiting in the car for my husband to return from purchasing car tags for our car, my son began his list of questions again. I’d been tempted to let the kids watch something on my phone after two hours of them waiting, but they were cheerfully finding things to entertain themselves with on their own. It was in the third hour of waiting in which  the questions began. 

“Mama, are you going to die?”

We talked at length again. I explained how Christians have the assurance of being with God forever no matter what. I knew the Holy Spirit didn’t want me to broach the topic of hell just yet. 

“Okay, Mama. I want God,” he said gleefully.

“You want to be with God forever?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, somewhat distracted by who knows what.

“Okay, you can have God.” I then spoke about sin and God being a savior and dying on the cross so that we wouldn’t have to be punished for doing bad things anymore. And that when we believe these things to be so, He sends His Spirit to be with us ALWAYS.

I led him in prayer as He confessed that he sometimes did bad things and wanted God to be with him forever.

After praying, he wanted to know if the random passers-by, seen from our front window,  were “Christian” or not. And why that random man was smoking. And if that man was going to now die because his lungs would be black. Okay, I digress. It’s quite fun having a curious four year old.

I write this blog post because I learned two vital lessons through these conversations with my oldest son. 

1. The Lord reminded me that my son will not always come to me with hard questions only when I’m ready to talk.  It’s going to be in the everyday moments of waiting in the car, trying to get dinner ready, or getting dressed when I must be ready and available to talk with my child when certain questions come up. If I’m consumed by my phone/tv/books or if I create a culture in which my kids are always consuming some form of media or activity, disallowing thoughtful reflection and careful thought, I will most likely miss windows of time to allow my children to ask, think, and ponder on observations seen throughout the day. Having the knowledge to answer hard questions is just as important as being “available” to have a discussion. Fostering a foundation for critical thinking within my children is just as important as making room for my kids to have quiet moments of “nothingness” to simply think and not be bombarded with only content to consume. 

2. Kiddos are being taught every day by someone. It’s best that my son, as young as he is, learns what death is (or any other topic) through me rather than through a misguided peer, adult who may not share the same values as me, or culture caught through media. Young kids are never too young to broach certain topics that might seem initially lofty or too heavy, and I ought to not shy away from explaining difficult concepts just because it’s inconvenient or too much to explain.

Is my son saved now? The Lord only knows. But I know that our conversations are not in vain. And I’m thankful for the opportunity to be emotionally and physically present to continue such conversations in the near future. Pray for myself and my husband as we continue to navigate parenthood. We need all the wisdom we can get from the Lord. And please continue to pray for the precious souls of our four children.

If you’d like to help us prepare for the arrival of our 4th baby, here’s a link to our baby registry. Every bit counts and is truly appreciated: https://www.babylist.com/psqicnbvu

-Pondered Thought

As a mother of little ones, I deeply desire feeling recognized for what I do. Here's how unexpected grace found me on a day the Lord met my greatest need.

I looked at my kitchen counter, littered with onion peelings, tops of unscrewed seasonings, and random measuring cups in no certain order.

My mother’s helper (a young homeschooled girl who I hired to help me with the kids twice a week) played with the kids in the background while I studied the  already food-stained cookbook in front of me. I had 1.5 hours left to make a scrumptious french lentil soup, vegan banana bread, and garlic green beans for a potluck feast that my son’s homeschool community group was hosting the next day.

 As I turned on my Instapot and churned out all the ingredients, I couldn't help but smile with anticipation at the thought of my newfound mom friends and their guests eating my food and smiling with delight. The thought energized my impregnated body that had just begun entering into the stage of the “wobble.”

The aroma of garlic, onions, and tomatoes completely infiltrated the tight space of our kitchen, while the fiber of my clothing inhabited the smells of each. 

“My mom’s here,” my helper yelled. 

Perfect timing. I thought.

Everything was done and in their respective dishes for the next day. I stood proud and made a quick video.

While transferring the soup into its container, my hands lost its grip on the stainless steel container and soup splattered all across the floor. 

My two-year-old daughter came to see the commotion, and I watched in slow motion as she couldn’t resist the temptation to stomp her lightly colored tennis shoes onto the tomato-based soup. I hunched over and moved her to the side, stifling a silent scream of despair and frustration wrapped in one. 

What came out was a deep groan. 

“MOVE!” 

I didn’t want to process what just happened.

Instead, I grabbed a few paper towels and wiped the floor in quick succession, hoping that I could perhaps wash away the memory as quickly as it occurred.  I then ran to take off my daughter’s tennis shoes. She was now on to her next mission of going up our carpeted stairs with signs of  paprika still on the crevices of her kicks.

I didn’t have much time to breakdown. I still had to make dinner for the family and my husband was working late, so that meant I needed to make dinner, feed the kiddos, and then get them dressed. We had been invited to a church service that night by a friend. 

As I moved from task to task, I felt the Holy Spirit beckon me to call my sister and ask her to pray for me. Although I wasn’t visibly breaking down and fairly calm, I could feel something on the surface begin to bubble. After rescuing the potential for a severely clogged toilet, since my two-year-old daughter ran upstairs to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the drain, I felt again the Holy Spirit say, “Call your sister!” 

I came downstairs, placed the broccoli and noodles on everyone’s plates and Facetimed my sister who lived thousands of miles away.

She didn’t answer. 

“Pray for me. Kiddos are a lot right now. ” I texted. 

She instantly responded, “I’m praying John 14 over you.” 

I didn’t quite know what John 14 was, and I surely didn’t have time to look it up, but instantly the Holy Spirit spoke these words to me.

“Peace I give to you. My Peace, I leave to you. Do not let your heart be troubled. Neither let it be afraid.” 

My one-year-old daughter dumped her plate onto the table and my two year old followed suit. 

Once we were done eating, I slapped the kids coats on and ran upstairs to change my food-stained shirt. When my husband walked through the door, he and I  greeted one another with a quick kiss and went straight to the car. While driving, I felt a strong desire to just escape and go to sleep… on my heavenly Father’s lap. 

My husband spoke about his day and then he asked about mine.

The tears came and the confession. 

“I know it sounds small, but that soup represented recognition for me. I kept thinking, ‘I’m going to be acknowledged and recognized for something.’ And when I saw the soup on the floor, my one hope of feeling seen dissipated .” 

I explained how my work felt so unseen as a stay at home mother.

No one was there praising me for how I managed  the house or the kids. And the world certainly didn’t exalt my line of work either. No promotion. No monetary compensation. And although I wouldn’t change anything because I knew the seeds that I was sowing were eternal in nature, the temporal feeling of loneliness was nonetheless felt. 

My husband looked over at me as we approached a stop light.

I knew he might’ve been searching for a solution. 

After a pregnant pause, he asked, “Do I not recognize you enough?” 

The well that had run dry inside of me couldn’t be filled by man. That I knew.  I needed the Lord. 

“This has nothing to do with you. I just want your empathy. Can you just touch me?”

He placed his hand on my thigh for the remainder of the car ride. 

We walked into the church building.

The church was undergoing major renovations. There was no heat. Construction tape roped off many parts of the building. Once inside the sanctuary, Evan and I took our three small kiddos and sat off to the side in the very back row. While my husband and I attempted to get our kids all settled in, I heard the worship singers on stage singing, “You Know My Name” by Tasha Cobbs Leonard.  Tears flowed down my face with little restraint and wouldn’t stop. 

The Lord knew my name. 

He saw me. 

He really saw me. 

And, He knew. 

The worship set flowed from song to song while I witnessed individuals lost in complete worship. The energy in the room felt as though “time” didn’t take precedence.

There was no rush.

No hurriedness.

No formalized set.

It felt as though we were all sitting at the feet of Jesus, absent of the worries and trials that faced us the moment we walked out of the building’s doors. 

My kiddos pulled at my legs here and there.

My youngest moved with a hint of restlessness while siting in her daddy’s arms.

But I felt a complete freedom and abandon that made me completely enraptured in the words sung by those around me.  The well that had run dry was filling up steadily, and I didn’t want it to end. I couldn’t. 

In my periphery, I saw a man approach my husband. They spoke briefly and shook hands. I turned in the man’s direction and waved politely and returned back to my state of longing. 

But then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. The man who had spoken to my husband now stood behind me. 

“Can I pray for you?” he asked.

On our car ride over to the church service, my husband relayed to me that he knew  a team of ministers who were visiting from another church and that many had the gift of prophecy. He mentioned that this group of ministers were going to be there that night. This man who stood behind me was one of the lead pastors from the visiting church. 

“Yes,” I retorted quickly to his question.  

He placed his hand on my shoulders and paused. 

“Come, Holy Spirit.” 

He continued to wait. 

After a few moments of silence, I heard him gasp, “Woooooooow. Wooowwww. What’s your name?” 

“Jessica.”

“Huh?” 

“Jessica,” I said louder over the continued worship music. 

“Jessica…your roots go down so deep. Wooooooow. Your roots go down soooooo deep,” he kept repeating. He  continued to speak things about my life that only the Holy Spirit could have revealed. 

Then he paused. 

“And Jessica, for some reason, I see like a dishwasher.” I felt him searching for the right words. 

“Yeah, I see a dishwasher and like dishes. And I sense the Lord saying that you will encounter him even while you wash dishes. Even while you change diapers. Expect encounter.” 

I smiled inwardly to myself. Did he know just how much I stood in the kitchen day after day? 

“And I see the Lord giving you His Peace. Complete Peace,” he said. The same peace spoken of through John 14 that the Lord led my sister to pray over me.

He then spoke about the child in my womb. And spoke a promise of the baby that I’ll keep to myself. 

He spoke about how the Lord viewed my heart in the spiritual realm.

Then the prayer ended. 

I walked into a church building that I didn’t know…seeking to be seen and affirmed. And this girl, with the smell of garlic and onions still on her hands, this girl who sat in the very back row, this girl who so desired to feel recognized. The Lord sent this man, who was visiting from an entirely different church (and did I mention, country?) to share with me that…

The LORD SEES ME.

Even if no one was applauding me for making breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Even if I never received any accolades, compensation, or public praise for my line of work year after year after year after year…the God of the entire universe reminded me that night that He knew. He saw. He cared. And most important to me, the work of my hands and the prayers of my heart were not in VAIN. They were actually reaping more fruit than my eyes could see.

I started the day off hoping that I could receive man’s outward adulation over a bowl of soup. Instead, the Lord gave me so much more. 

He showed me His hands clapping for things that I thought no one saw. He showed me how He viewed my heart despite my sin. He showed me the gifts the Lord longed to give me, if I but open my hands to receive them.

In short, He showed me that the audience of ONE was more than enough.

I walked out of church with my well completely filled.

I’ll see the fruit of my prayers and of my hands. If not now, one day.

Proverbs 31: 30-31

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise eat the city gate.

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Weight-Loss: Focusing on the Process...Not the End Results

After having our third child, I was excited to lose my additional baby weight—weight that I knew helped to nourish our sweet newborn with all of her essential nutrients but weight I couldn’t wait to depart from nonetheless.

When our daughter was a few months old, I began doing some at-home workouts. Aside from feeling “sore” a few days in a row, I saw very little results from my sweaty workouts.

My husband assured me that “these things” took time. He was quite the professional at this point in coaching and encouraging  me through any postpartum woes. We just had our third child. But I wanted some sort of  results. Anything to motivate me to keep at it. 

Shortly into thinking over my “dilemma,” I recalled a podcast I listened to a few months prior to having my baby.

 In the podcast the interviewer made a remarkable statement. 

She said that the most “successful” people in the world obsess over processes-not end results.

 In obsessing over the process, perfecting the process, falling in love with the process…the results always came. 

Obsess over the process.

Perfect the process.

Fall in love with the process. 

In terms of working out, I needed a process that afforded me greater probability for consistency (i.e. time away from the kids to workout). I needed a process that brought greater accountability. I needed a process that filled me up in more ways than just one. I needed something to look forward to that I absolutely loved. 

I swapped out my at-home workouts and joined a gym (thanks to my sister who gifted me with a very large birthday gift $$ dedicated towards my self-care). 

I began swimming. I began going to the sauna and meditating. I began taking dance classes that offered a fusion between  salsa, Afrobeats, hip hop, and even belly dancing. 

I obsessed over the process. Perfected it. Fell in love with it.   Before I knew it, the results came without me fishing for them. 

Why do I write this blog post? 

I now try to apply this principle in every area of my life. Whether it's in my marriage, my parenting, my cooking etc.

If I want to continue to grow as a person, I focus on creating  HEALTHY processes, habits, routines.

Some processes I love from the jump. Others, I fall in love with over time 

In short, I now spend more time thinking through processes than end results/goals. 

That’s not to say that I don’t have goals. Honey, I do! It’s to say that I spend more of my thought energy in strategizing over how to obtain that goal, rather than wondering if I’ve “arrived” yet. I usually set a timeline (with A LOT of margin) and I don’t measure my progress until that time is up so as to not get discouraged.

I’m not perfect… at all! And I don’t prioritize everything. But what I want in life, I do prioritize.  

I want to know Jesus intimately. I want to experience deeper  layers of a healthy marriage. I want my family to enjoy really scrumptious healthy food. I want to create lasting memories that are spoken about long after I’m gone. I want to look and feel sexy-always haha.  I want my children to walk intimately with the Lord all the days of their lives. I want to be a forever learner. 

Because of this, I must spend time asking God and others for wisdom to know what healthy routines, rhythms, and habits to implement now so that these things can be accomplished.

Life can become busy and chaotic quickly.

If you don’t consider what guardrails to implement in your life so that certain areas of your life continue to thrive without having to give CONSTANT daily thought to them, it’s easy for those same areas to drift towards a state of stagnancy and sometimes decay.  This applies to anyone spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally etc. 

In short, if you’re not seeing the results you want in an area of your life, don’t lose heart. Don’t give up. Don’t resign to the “ it is what it is” type of mentality.

Seek wisdom. Focus on the process. Change the process, if necessary. 

BUT Be patient. Before you know it, the results will come. 

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Stop Saying These Curses Over Your Children

I sat in our one-bedroom condominium, rocking our three-month-old to sleep—our firstborn, who cried non-stop and needed constant stimulation. Rocking, patting, bouncing, walking. I didn’t know when it would end. I refrained from calling our son a colicky baby, but looking back, his behavior bespoke every textbook definition of colic.

 No, instead I tried to tell myself that he was strong-willed. Headstrong. He simply knew what he wanted. 

But that mid-afternoon, after constantly rocking him back and forth, I didn’t know what to think anymore. I just knew that I was tired, sleep-exhausted, alone (my husband had recently returned back to work from his paternity leave and traveled weekly), and in need of some sort of reprieve. 

I tuned into TBN and YouTube worship videos as my form of escape. 

One evening, after a failed attempt to place my baby down for a nap (he just wanted to rest on my chest), I tuned into a scheduled program on TBN with Joyce Meyer.

At this point, I knew all the scheduled pastors on TBN: Pastors John Gray, Joseph Prince, Charles Stanley,  Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, Creflo Dollar, Andrew Wommack, Michael Todd, James MacDonald, Robert Morris,  etc. I was so desperate to take my mind off my constantly crying baby that I would binge-watch all that TBN programming had to offer. 

On this scheduled program, Joyce Meyer spoke on the importance of the tongue. I’d read James 3 and thought I knew the significance of how deadly and rewarding my speech could be.

But this evening the Lord showed me something new.

As Joyce Meyer spoke, the Lord impressed on me that He wanted me to prophetically speak words over my son that I believed that he would become… even if I couldn’t see it.  I felt the importance of this command, and so the next morning,  during my son’s bath time, I specifically created a song for him. I began singing it over him, and three years later, I still do. 

Me singing to our son when he was an infant

When our daughter was born, she was just 6-weeks-old when the Lord gave me another song to sing over her too.

Me singing over our daughter when she was an infant

A few months later, the Lord led me to take things a step further after my son began throwing tantrums and requiring more discipline and attention from me. Without me realizing it, I subtly began to entertain fearful thoughts regarding my son due to witnessing his change in behavior. 

Will he be a rebellious teenager in the future? 
Will he be like a prodigal child? Will he reject the Lord in the future and have a rough life because of it? 

I didn’t realize that I was having these thoughts until my perception of my son began to change one day. I didn’t see him as the sweet precious boy that he was. Instead, I began to view him through a lens laced with lies-subtly impacting my treatment of him. This scared me. 

One day, while in my prayer closet, the Lord gave me a future vision of my precious son. The Lord then told me to specifically write out everything I envisioned and then to speak those words over my son daily and to practice visualizing it! So I wrote a paragraph of what I saw and began speaking these things over him DAILY. (I practically know it by heart now.)

Evan Jr. is a God-fearing, faithful, persevering, kind, sober-minded, focused man who submits to the Lord’s authority at all costs. He loves his wife and is diligent in his work and stewards his own gift. He has received a clear and true vision from the Lord. He is strong and an excellent steward of his own physical and spiritual body.  He runs and is active and cooks homegrown organic foods. He is confident and secure in himself. He is excellent at investing and making whatever he stewards to grow. He is deeply compassionate and protects his siblings. He stays away from the paths of evil and does not get entangled in civilian affairs since he is a soldier of Christ.  Therefore, he doesn’t look to the left nor to the right but keeps His eyes straight ahead on the eyes of Christ. Nor does he walk towards the home of the woman who flatters with her tongue (Proverbs 7). 

I did the same exercise for our younger daughter too.  
 

Ada is kind and discerning. She is sharp, organized,  and accumulates knowledge, wisdom, and understanding easily. She fears the Lord. She assesses an argument with ease. She has a gentle and quiet spirit. She produces eternal fruit by the work of her hands. She knows that she is seen, known, and loved. She knows that she is beautiful and that she belongs.  She knows that she is the apple of the Lord’s eye. She ponders things in her heart before acting on them.  She is bold and courageous and does not bow down in the face of evil or trial and tribulation. She fights for the injustices of the oppressed, she speaks for the speechless, she stands up to the powerful and mighty. She does not bow down to evil even in the face of death. She protects her sister and prays for her. She only thinks and wants the best for her sister. Jealousy is not a part of any of our children’s relationships in any way shape or form. As iron sharpens iron- so our children’s relationship sharpens one another. They are all best friends and spur one another towards Christ even while culture becomes more wicked. Our children laugh at the days to come and responsibly take care of one another when Evan (husband) and I transition. 

And I began to speak life over my husband too. (I’ll keep the words that I speak over him to myself.)  

What I’ve gained from this discipline is that after three months, I truly began to believe these words, and thereby I began to treat my children according to these beliefs rather than impulsively and fearfully reacting to the current actions I saw displayed.

Because I believed it, I found myself shaping and molding them according to what I already believed that they would become...instead of crouching in fear hoping that the future would bode well for them. 

Nowadays, I’m so sensitive to any words that I speak over them that if it’s not edifying, I don’t speak it--even if it’s in jest. I’m careful to rebuke even strangers who might be joking and say,

“Oh, she’s going to be ______ when she grows up.  He’s going to have a problem with ____ in the future. He’s going to be just like his _____. They’re going to argue all the time...just watch. Oh I can already tell, she’s going to get into a lot of trouble at school. He’s going to hurt himself if…She’s going to make all the ladies jealous. ” 

I rebuke these curses immediately in the name of Jesus since it’s not edifying. 

Why? 

How did the Lord create the heavens and earth? 

• He spoke them into existence.

• Genesis 1, "And God said, 'Let there be...."

How does Satan gain footholds into people’s lives? 

• He speaks lies.

Our tongues are much more powerful than you think. 

Since we are made in the image of God, we should take pause and truly consider the value that the Lord places on our speech. It’s a part of His design, and for whatever reason, our words play a vital role in how God allows things to operate in this universe. So it’s worth studying carefully what God says about the tongue. 
 

Proverbs 13:3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

James 1:26; "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless."

Proverbs 21:23 "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

1 Peter 3:10 "For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit"

I end this blog post by saying, in short, stop speaking curses over your children, spouses, loved ones, self, and others made in the image of God.

It’s one thing to be honest and truthful about one’s current situation within the frameworks of a healthy perspective. It’s another to project a future reality onto someone that is not edifying but spoken from a place of fear, carelessness, insecurity, disappointment, etc. You never know the damage your one tongue can incite. Likewise, you never know the blessings you hinder due to your speech. 

 It's quite serious. 

Matthew 12:33-36

 33“Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. 34“You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. 35“The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil. 36“And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. 37“For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”
 

P.S. 3.5 weeks until our baby is due. Would absolutely love your prayers over these next few weeks.

1 Verse that showed me the heart of God: He's better than you thought

Originally Posted: 1/16/18

Updated: 1/16/20

"If that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more."

For many years, I saw God's heart in a way that was very fixed.

The image was of One who desired for me to be Holy...and as a result, turned away upon seeing my blemishes.

One who was in constant search for me to be conformed to the image of Christ… and ONLY sought me in order to relentlessly do everything in His power to make sure this work (me) was finished upon Christ’s return.

One who was only interested in my perfection and not in my shortcomings.

But in this fixed image of God, I was blinded to His heart. In effect, I made God devoid of any and all emotion. And myself? A mere project in need of fixing.

But this imagery began to become challenged when coming across certain verses in the Bible over the years.

One example includes the following passage (SN: Here, the Lord speaks to King David, after King David’s most recent sin of raping another man’s wife. King David then killed the wife’s husband. I know. It’s quite a bit.):

7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah.

And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.

 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.

2 Samuel 12:7-10

In His exchange with David, the Lord stated all of the ways in which He, the Lord, had been faithful to David. After reminding David of these things, instead of only telling David the consequences that were to come due to his sin—rightfully deserved—the Lord leaves me struck by these words:

If that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more.

Have you ever committed a sin and then expected the next reigning blow from the Lord? You confess, you repent, and when something bad happens—state to yourself, “Well, I deserve it. The Lord is angry with me.” These thoughts can sometimes resound in one’s mind when a person doesn’t know the heart of their true Father.

The moment you truly look into the Father’s eyes in this passage, you don’t see anger—but instead, you see a glimpse of A Father’s hurt and outstretched hands.The Lord simply wanted David to turn to Him. David had no reason to steal from others.

“If that had not been enough, David...I would have given you much, much more.”

If the houses had not been enough; if David’s wives had not been enough; if territorial kingdoms had not been enough etc.—the Lord doesn’t say “I will just remove them and see how you fare.” But instead, the Lord says, “If that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more.”

My heart just drops.

The Lord simply wanted David to come to Him.

We often view the Lord’s discipline, especially in the Old Testament, and cringe. We easily succumb to thinking that this God is terrifying, full of wrath, and unforgiving. It’s easy to go to the next set of verses and linger over the consequences that the Lord pronounced over David due to his sin. But before doing so…take pause at this one verse that God tells David right beforehand.

“If that had not been enough...I would have given you much, much more.”

Be challenged today by the Father’s heart. I dare you to take your eyes off of yourself and peer into His heart. Yes, our sins reap consequences. But more than viewing the damages caused by our own sinfulness, consider the feelings of the One most affected—Your beloved Lord. 

He's not devoid of feeling. He's not unaffected by your actions. He's NOT more concerned about a mission rather than a relationship. See His heart...just this once.

You're not a project.

You're not looked upon through eyes of disgust.

You're loved.

And because You're loved, He will chase after you. He will discipline you. He will desire for you to be holy...because He is holy.

Why? Because He desires the most to be intimate with you.

Take a moment to meditate on the words that the Father shared with David, before sharing with him the punishment to come. 

"If that was not enough (insert your name), I would have given you much, much more."

PonderedThought: What has the Lord given you that you’re saying “isn’t enough” through your actions recently?

Is it His peace? His Protection? His Guidance? His Presence? His current Provision? Your Family?

Hear Him now saying….

“If that had not been enough (insert name)...I would have given you much more.”

Instead of running to others/things, He simply wants you to come to Him.

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Sis, the sins you love today..will affect your children tomorrow. There's HOPE.

We sat in Panera bread—our soup, salad, and chips spread out on the table in non-orderly fashion. After a quick pause for prayer, we joyfully dug in. As we mindlessly moved from our hot soup, to sips of water in between, to small bites of cold crisp salad, the older lady sitting across from me—the one who had invited me out for an impromptu lunch date, the one who emanated wisdom without haughtiness—looked me squarely in the face with eyes that exuded heavenly zeal. She then carefully stated,

“Jessica, the sins you don’t surrender now to God, will be manifested in your children.”

There was no pause. And yet her words stopped all of time experienced for me in that moment. I don't prefer absolute statements, and so I stared into her eyes with rightful skepticism. 

This was my bible study leader and a woman who greatly feared the Lord. The way she spoke of the Lord drew me to her. I cherished her words of advice. And so, despite my skepticism, her warning pierced me in ways that others’ utterances simply couldn’t penetrate (due to my boundaries and often pride). 

She didn’t say “might be” or “could possibly.” She unapologetically said, “The sins you don’t surrender now to God, WILL BE manifested in your children.”

And then she used biblical examples and her own life experience to back it up.

The one sin that David didn’t take to the Lord regarded his sexual life. Just read the Psalms and you’ll see.  David was open and transparent with God in several areas of his life, except when it came to sexual temptation. Hence, he had multiple wives and committed adultery/rape with Bathsheba.

Was sexual sin manifested in his children?

David’s son Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Solomon’s pagan relations with women is believed to have been one of the main causes for the division of the Israelite kingdom an entire generation later. 

David’s other son Amnon actually fell sick because Amnon was so overcome with lust for his half-sister Tamar. Tragically, Amnon’s lust eventually drove him to actually rape his own half-sister.

What about David’s other children?

When David committed his sexual sin with Bathsheba, the Lord said,

“ Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.”

— ‭‭II Samuel‬ ‭12:11-12‬ ‭NKJV  

The Lord promised that the sexual sin that David did in secret would be manifested in public through someone else. That “someone else” was through David’s other son, Absalom. David’s son Absalom slept with all of David’s concubines openly for everyone to see.

Do you now see the common theme of sexual sin that ran rampant in David’s children?

If that example doesn’t convict you, let’s look at Abraham.

Abraham, the father of faith, had a habit of lying. Abraham lied TWICE and said that his wife, Sarah, was his sister when he was faced with the threat of death.

Because Sarah was beautiful, Abraham didn’t want Pharaoh (Genesis 12) nor King Abimelech (Genesis 20) to kill him in order to marry his wife, and so he lied on two separate occasions and said that she was his sister. Many years later, Abraham’s son, Isaac, was faced with a similar predicament and did the same. Isaac lied and told King Abimelech that his wife, Rebecca, was his sister (Genesis 26). That lie didn’t last long though because the king saw Isaac caressing his wife outside in a way that would have let anyone know that homegirl was not Isaac’s sister.

It doesn’t end there though. Many years later, Isaac’s son and Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, picked up this same sin too by lying and telling his father that he was his older brother, Esau instead of Jacob, in order to receive the blessing intended for the elder son. Then Jacob’s own children lied to him by telling him that Joseph, their brother and Jacob’s youngest son at the time, was killed by a wild beast when in actuality they had sold Joseph off into slavery to the Ishmaelites (Genesis 36). The “lying” stronghold manifested itself generationally, from Abraham to Isaac to Jacob and all the way to the children of Jacob.

So when my bible study leader said “will be” I see now that she’s right.

If I don’t sacrifice my choice of sin at the altar, the sin that Christ died for, the sin that I can experience victory over- it is more than likely going to be manifested in my children.

This is how generational curses, sins, and struggles persist through family lines. It is up to us as believers to interrupt these patterns.

How can you change the future of your family? Surrender to God the choice of sin you so dearly cling to. In so doing, you can protect your children from experiencing the same struggle.

Do you disrespect and mistreat your spouse without shame?

Do you panic and allow fear and anxiety to dictate your actions when you feel out of control?

Do you surrender those insecurities about your body or looks by clinging to God’s word that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Or do you fuel them by comparing yourself to others in your newsfeed, insta stories, and celebrity fanfare?

Do you find that you often covet? As in do you find yourself secretly wanting the social status, marital status, children status, or any status of others? 

Do you turn to food, television, CBD,or  pills for a peace and escape that only the Lord YEARNS to give to you if you'd run to Him as a child in crisis moments? 

These struggles may feel personal to just you, but be not deceived...

children pick up on these things.

Your son is watching.

Your daughter is observing.

Would you want your daughter/son following in your footsteps?

Even if children are only a dream of your future, they will still be impacted by your actions in the present.

Again, surrender whatever choice of sin you so dearly cling to. Otherwise, it could be manifested in your children.

Lastly, there’s hope. Please Understand. THERE'S HOPE.

If you’ve seen this to already be true in your own life and in your own children, identify the generational sin by name and rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Repent and go to the Lord for His ALMIGHTY HELP through the power of the Holy Spirit to experience victory. Prayer is powerful.

It’s NEVER too late to experience the redemptive work of Jesus Christ in your life, your children’s lives, and in generations to come.

Can I repeat myself once more?

That sin you wrestle with-Christ died for it. There’s no need carrying it, experiencing defeat, and passing it on from one generation to the next. But I beg you. Let go of it today. Do whatever you must to surrender it.

You never know how the deliverance you seek today sows into the freedom your children will reap tomorrow.

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Beware: A dangerous mentality invading Christian culture

When I first began walking closely with the Lord, there was a sort of righteous fear that overwhelmed me. His presence, His glory, and His authority went beyond the scope of my finite understanding. Because of that, I held His Word preciously in my heart. I fearfully examined and readily applied any directive, despite several failings.

Being  reminded of the emptiness I felt before walking with the Lord, I discovered a heart posture of humility that no book, sermon, nor song could teach.  

As an unfortunate parallel to this holy fear, I often became overcome with condemnation when I stared into the contrast between the holiness of God and my personal sinful condition. Aware of His holiness, I constantly found myself taking my eyes off my Perfect Savior and settling onto the view of my own shortcomings.

Condemnation often led to guilt. Guilt then led to deep shame. This wasn’t from the Holy One.

Thankfully, His Word healed my own self-inflicted wounds.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

— Psalm 34:18

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

— 1 John 1:9

“As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us”

— Psalm 103:!2

The Lord taught me that shame was not from Him. He taught me the power of His Blood. He gave me freedom, secure love, and peace.

But now that I’ve been in the “Christian” circle for a couple of years, there’s something that the Lord is now teaching me to be very wary of.

It’s subtle.

It’s sneaky.

And it can come upon anyone without advanced warning.

It’s...Spiritual pride.

There are two sides to spiritual pride. On the one hand, you might find others who base their salvation in the things that they do and judge others’ salvation or righteousness based on their human-made list as well.

For instance, the list could be, “I fast once a month. I pay my tithes. I read the Word every day. I go to church every Sunday. I volunteer in the children’s church. And I don’t use social media. ”

The list itself isn’t the problem. In fact, this list contains some pretty powerful spiritual practices that could really help some grow in their faith.

The problem is when a person believes that “because I do (___), I am (saved, righteous, or pleasing in the Lord’s sight)”. This belief cheapens the blood of Jesus Christ. By trying to gain with human works that which could only be done through divine sacrifice, cheapens the blood of Jesus Christ.

The essence of  salvation in Christianity, which makes it different from all other religions, is that Jesus literally did it all.  We don’t have to “do” in order to “be.” We are already righteous in the eyes of God.  Rather, it’s because of our gratitude for this overwhelming grace of God and our love for God that we voluntarily fast, give, spend time with God, and serve others.

Do you see the difference?

Okay. But that’s just one side of spiritual pride.

There’s another. This “other” is growing more prevalent within Christian culture and even in my own heart. It’s something that the Lord is warning me about. Perhaps, you too.

The second side of spiritual pride is the hidden belief that one is Christ or above Christ.

If you just wrenched your nose and inwardly shook your head and said to yourself, “Blasphemy. That’s not me at all, Jessica!” hold tight and keep reading, because it may very well be you.

Yes, there’s legalism. But the opposite extreme of a legalistic culture is an elitist mentality that one is above the commands of God. This too is spiritual pride. And both are equally as dangerous.

Luke 6: 40

“A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher.”

The temptation (notice that this can be a temptation and not an automatic trap we fall into) that can arise from drawing closer to the Lord, from receiving divine revelations, from becoming acquainted with one’s own spiritual gifts, and from recognizing one’s spiritual authority...is that one can hold the subtle belief that he/she is Christ or above Christ... rather than like Christ.

What do I mean by this?

The attempt to be Christ or to be above Him is to… pick and choose what is right and wrong, to casually consider what to apply and what to ignore, and to compartmentalize what is significant versus insignificant. It is to know the Word, teach the Word, but not follow ALL of the Word—especially parts personally deemed insignificant.

This sort of spiritual pride can take on various forms. But I’ll name some hypothetical thought patterns most culturally relevant:

I know that it’s important to renew my mind and that I’m commanded in the Bible to do so, but I’ve gotten older.  I used to read the Scriptures and even memorize them, but now that I’m older, I already know what’s in the Bible. There’s no use studying it with the same level of fervency as before. Been there... done that. Besides, at least I'm not in the streets like I used to be and like some of these lost young people.

Or...To be holy is to be set apart. I know this and can break down scriptures that speak on the differences in being sanctified, reconciled, and redeemed. But I can curse a little. It’s not that big of a deal. They’re just words at the end of the day. I just won’t say it around my children. And if I’m excited or frustrated, I can throw around God’s name irreverently. God knows my heart.

Or...I know all about spiritual soul ties and the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage. I could teach an entire lecture on 1 Corinthians 6.  But when it comes to me, God understands. I personally can’t do it. Yeah yeah yeah, I know 2 Peter 1:3 states that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness, but I’m human. But hey,  I’ll fast from sex for a couple of months. But that’s all I can commit to.

Or... God says the eye is the lamp of the body, but I’m not affected by what I see on TV, Netflix, or Youtube anymore. So I can watch whatever I want and listen to whatever I want. But I’ll make sure to tell the little ones to close their eyes when that sex scene comes on. My soul will remain unaffected.

Or my favorite..I know that God sees lying as an abomination, but I need to take a day trip. So I'll call in sick. They don’t give me enough days off anyway. At least I show up to work faithfully.

Be wary of this, beloved.

As we Christians become more aware of the dangers of self-righteousness and legalism, let us also be just as vigilant to beware of an elitist mentality that attempts to put us above the commands of God. All of the Word of God is true and ought to be applied.

Hear me. There is a difference between the person who curses like a sailor, struggles with porn, has illicit sex but repeatedly reaches for our loving Father, confesses wrongdoing, and makes sincere efforts to walk back on the straight and narrow... and the person who knows a way is not pleasing to God and pridefully justifies a continued trek.

How can someone arrive to the latter? How can one become hardened to sin? I honestly think it boils down to 2 things:

1. Not having a healthy fear of the Lord

2. Forgetting one’s spiritual depravity before Christ. And forgetting one’s continued need for Christ.

Do you have a healthy fear of God? I know He’s your homie, but is He your Lord, Master, and King too? If a believer, do you vividly recall the darkness that God brought you out of? Do you wake up each day with the sense of indebtedness in acknowledging who Christ is to you, what He has done for you, and that you are nothing without Him?  Remembering lends itself to humility. Forgetting, is a black hole to spiritual pride. 

If this is you, don’t be discouraged. It was also me like yesterday (hence, the birth of this blog post). There’s hope for us.

First, repent.

Turn away from pride and to God— in the most transparent of ways without shame, knowing that Your God is gentle. He is not going to throw fire on You. He rejoices more than anything in You coming to Him humbly as a child in need of forgiveness (Luke 15:1-7). For me, sometimes this one act can sometimes take a while (um...days sometimes) because pride has to literally GO in order to do this. In doing this, the Lord will really show you how He views that particular act of sin that you thought wasn’t a big deal. He will never condemn.
However, don’t be surprised if you find yourself in a state of mourning. Sin is serious. And when the Holy Spirit shows you the actual severity of your actions that you thought was no big deal—you should mourn. When you read the Psalms, you witness King David literally mourning over his sin (Psalm 51). He is not wallowing in condemnation. He is mourning, which is a healthy practice after realizing what breaks God’s heart.

Secondly, pray fervently for a righteous fear of God.

Remember it is dangerous to be in a place where you think you can live outside the commands of God’s Word. It’s so easy to do when approaching the Word while in a state of spiritual pride. Remember, the goal is to be like Christ. Even as God and man, Jesus humbly submitted himself to the will and word of the Father, and that is our call as well.  You never want to assume that you possess the authority of Christ to pick and choose what is right and what is wrong, what to apply and what to ignore, and what is significant and what is insignificant.  

PonderedThought: Do your actions sometimes reflect the belief that you have the same authority as Christ? Do you subtly gloss over some scriptures and pick and choose which scriptures to ascribe to? Praise God for revealing that to you. Now, Confess. Repent. And Remember. Remember that we are all wretched sinners in need of a Saviour on a daily basis.

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9 Movies and Documentaries you should be watching (but probably aren't)

So there’s something I’ve been noticing. Every year, I find myself gathering more movies to catch up on, shows to watch, and documentaries to view in order to stay informed.  Nowadays, you have network shows, network movies, Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, PureFlix, and the list goes on.

Often, my husband and I spend/waste an hour or two just trying to decide what to watch. And to be honest, we often end up, more than once, finding what we thought was a “good” film, only to turn it off minutes later because our selection was either too low-budget, too spiritually dark, or too graphic. And unfortunately, there are a lot more dark and explicit movies and shows being released.  

So with Valentines Day around the corner, the potential for more snow days forthcoming, and people sticking to some much-needed budgets, here is a list of relatively new movies/documentaries that I highly recommend watching from home.

• The Hate You Give (2018)

  I completely opposed watching this movie at first. I think it’s because, now being a mother, I thought it’d conjure up too many emotions that I didn’t want to grapple with. And it did. However, unlike other movies I’ve viewed, this movie offered hope without watering down the trauma, injustice, and stark reality of modern-day racism. I loved Fruitvale Station, but it’s not a movie that I’m rushing to watch again--mainly due to its unexpected rawness. But this is a movie I’d enjoy again and again. Not because the content was necessarily pleasurable (far from it). But because it was a movie that I surprisingly saw myself on screen. The main character had a way of beautifully flowing (code-switching) between two worlds seamlessly until both collided, in which the main character had to make some hard choices.  This movie expressed  my very thoughts and emotions in a way that I didn’t know a movie could. And because of that, it was strangely cathartic. I know I know. Just trust me. It’s worth renting. 

• Stink! (2015)

Have you ever wondered why parents wash newborn outfits before placing them on their precious bundles of joy? Or why new furniture can give off a certain smell for a few days? Or why a bottle of Johnson Johnson baby oil simply says “fragrum” as one of the ingredients, while conveniently leaving out the hundreds of ingredients that make up that fragrance? This documentary was eye-opening to the several different chemicals we willingly place on, in, and around our bodies. Very insightful doc.

• Christ in You (2017)

  If you read the book of Acts, you will see divine interruptions and interactions in every single chapter except one. You see angels majestically showing up, people getting healed left and right, and dreams and visions coming true. Why don’t we see that too often now? Or rather, why don’t we readily discuss such events, if experienced? Westernized Christian culture often boxes the magnitude of God’s power by fitting it into certain frameworks that can make the book of Acts appear foreign. But this documentary reveals that God is the same God yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Give it a chance, because this documentary gets better and better beginning halfway through.(P.S. if you happen to enjoy this documentary, you might also like the Father of Lights and Furious Love.)

• A Suitable Girl (2018)

So I really enjoy seeing the plights and thoughts of women from different cultures. It’s amazing to see how I can relate to a woman halfway across the world and share similar feeling. This documentary follows 3 women in India who are navigating marriage. It details the pressures to find a partner, the woes of leaving one’s own family, and it challenges the view that marriage is ultimately meant to make one happy.

• Mr. Church (2016)

  My husband and I watched this movie after my brother-in-love suggested it! I was shocked by how much I enjoyed it. I don’t want to give away the movie by talking about it too much--so don’t watch the trailer and just watch the first 15 minutes to see if you like it. Like, really don’t watch the trailer because it gives away the entire movie. I appreciated the writing, the acting, and how relatively clean of a movie it was.

• The Bleeding Edge (2018)

  Knee replacement. Metal coil birth control.  These both have a lot more in common than you think.  As we increase in the usage of medical devices, so do the risks. This documentary details some things to consider before having a device or object inserted into your body for life. I stumbled across this documentary one night and literally couldn’t stop watching. It received a score of 100% on Rotten Tomatoes if that doesn’t say enough.

• Creepy Line (2018)

  The notion that someone is always spying on us and watching us through our coveted technology is not a far-fetched idea. This documentary details the complex thinking behind the newest and latest gadgets that we often flock to. The documentary is clearly one-sided. But best believe, I have changed my settings in my phone and will continue to cover my laptop cameras.

• Living Proof (2018)

  I’m really into learning more about incurable diseases and nonconventional approaches to treat them. Well, this documentary takes on a different approach to treating those living with multiple sclerosis (MS)- a debilitating and progressive disease that causes one’s body to basically attack its own central nervous system. The corruption seen in conventional treatments for this disease is scary. Regardless of your stance, you ’ll admire the evident passion and conviction that Matt Embry exudes, despite the costs he had to endure to make this documentary.

• Wonder (2017)

  This is a fantastic family-friendly film to watch with anyone. The main character, Auggie,  is a young boy who has facial differences due to a genetic disorder. Auggie enters into the 5th grade after being home-schooled all of his life. He faces the challenges that you’d expect from having this disorder and from entering middle school for the first time. But what I enjoyed most about this film is that it allows you to view the main character beyond a “victim” portrayal. Auggie is much more than his condition. You see his wit, his humor, his emotions. But more than that, you see how this one condition affects his entire family--some good some bad. Very well-written and directed film. (And it wasn’t cheesy!)

If you happen to watch any of these films, please let me know by commenting below! I really would like to know your thoughts.

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That time I discovered Jesus came through a prostitute: Do you know what this means?

Have you ever read Matthew 1?

One day I was reading Matthew 1 when our baby went down for a midday nap on my chest (because he wouldn’t let me lay him down in his bed).

I grabbed my Bible and managed to sneak a pen in my hand to read Matthew 1. Then I asked the Lord to give me a rich revelation and to do so quickly before the baby woke up. I didn’t want just to read words. I needed revelation. What I found astounded me!

Go ahead. Take a chance to stop and read it real quick.

You know you have the time.

You’re probably already distracted from doing whatever else.

I’ll wait.

Did you see it? Did you notice that Matthew 1 lists only five women by name in Jesus’ genealogy? Four take particular interest to me. I’ll tell you why.

Within these four listed female names, you might find, what others have labeled, the following: a Fornicator, a gentile, a prostitute, and an adulterer. Before you stop and mentally check out for whatever reason, read until the end. Trust me.

1. Tamar committed fornication by having sexual relations with her father-in-law.

2. Rahab was a prostitute.

3. Ruth was an outsider and pagan by blood. Her very people were birthed out of incest and were enemies of the Israelites (i.e., hired a man named Balaam to curse the Israelites.)

4. Bathsheba committed adultery against her husband. Then her lover, King David, had her husband killed.

Do you see the descriptions that I listed for each woman? You may still wonder why I take such interest in each of these women. It’s because when you take the opportunity to stop and truly study the stories of these women,  you’ll discover that the previous descriptions listed above are either not true or only scratch the surface to the telling of their story. Gasp, I know.

I’ll show you how.

Let’s begin.

Tamar, the fornicator: Tamar was a young girl who married the eldest son of Judah, Er. Unfortunately, Er was killed by God due to his wicked acts committed against God. Therefore, by law (Deuteronomy 25:5). Tamar married the second eldest son of Judah, Onan.  Well, Onan died as well because he refused to bear children with Tamar. Why? Because Onan knew that if Tamar were to become pregnant, their first child would have to be dedicated to his deceased brother (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). Therefore, every time he and Tamar were intimate, Onan would make sure that his seed was wasted. Well, in judgment for this wicked act, the Lord caused him to die too. So then Tamar was left to marry the third and final son of Judah, Shelah. But by this time Judah, and just about everyone else, thought Tamar was cursed. Judah basically told Tamar that he’d give his youngest son to her in marriage under one condition. She needed to wait for him to get older first.

Judah’s youngest son got older and guess what?! Judah didn’t fulfill his promise. Keep in mind, a female widow, with no children, held no income and no future security because of her lack of offspring. So what is a widow, who has no children, and who is seen as cursed to do? Tamar took matters into her own hands.

One day, Tamar dressed as a prostitute and met Judah while he was on his way to Timnah to shear his sheep. Judah saw a woman dressed as a prostitute, but he didn’t know that this woman was Tamar, his daughter-in-law. Judah stopped and paid to sleep with her. Tamar immediately became pregnant with twins. The story gets even more interesting. But before I continue, what do you think? Was Tamar a fornicator, a strategist, a survivalist, or a conniver? It’s worth thinking about. For now, let’s move on.

Rahab, the prostitute: Rahab was a prostitute in the city of Jericho, a city known for worshiping other gods. Despite the fact that the people of Jericho were known for their unbelief and disloyalty to the God of the Hebrews, Rahab became known for her faith in the God of the Hebrews. How? After hearing about God’s wondrous acts done in Egypt, when setting the Israelites free, Rahab believed that the God of the Hebrews was the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords. Therefore, Rahab gladly hid two Israelite spies when these two came to spy out her native land, Jericho.  

Ruth, pagan by blood: Ruth was a Moabite whose family lineage was questionable from the start. Do you know how the lineage of the Moabites began? Here’s the story. A man named Lot had two daughters. One night one of his daughters got Lot (her father) drunk and had sexual intercourse with him and became pregnant. Lot’s son/grandson was named Moab. Ruth’s very lineage was birthed out of incest. The Moabites went on to became longtime enemies to the Israelites.

Bathsheba, the mistress and adulterer:  Bathsheba was spotted by David while she was bathing naked one day. David immediately ordered to have Bathsheba taken to his bedroom where he laid with her. She then became pregnant. He then conspired to have her husband killed and later married her. In David’s ploy to have Bathsheba’s husband killed, he sent her husband (and others) to the front lines of a battle. Bathsheba’s husband wasn’t the only one intentionally murdered by David that day. Other husbands were consequently murdered too. Bathsheba became known as an adulteress and one responsible for the deaths of other husbands.

Whew. Talk about a history crash course. Now, why did I find it necessary to share these stories? It’s because each of these women is a part of the bloodline of Jesus Christ the Messiah. Yes, Jesus came through each of these women’s lineages.

But when I first read Matthew 1 that day, I wondered why the Lord would name these four particular women. I mean, there are several other women that He could’ve named that were a part of His lineage. And I can’t help but wonder why these four names were explicitly mentioned.

Is it to show us how He loved these women, with their messed up lives and all? To show that if a Holy God could choose them that He can also choose us? 

This is the narrative I often hear and grew up hearing. But I think there’s more to this passage.

I’ve literally been sitting on these thoughts for the past 6-7 weeks.  

And for that reason, I’ve been looking at each of these ladies’ stories a little bit more closely. In doing so, I’m beginning to realize that these women were affected by circumstances in which they had absolutely no control over. While the world defined them by these circumstances (fornicator, prostitute, pagan ancestry, adulteress), Jesus redefined them despite these circumstances. I think this is the message here.

It’s as if the Lord is saying in my head,

“Any person can give you a label after witnessing one act committed by you, without knowing the full story. But I defy labels. I not only can forgive but I also have the power of understanding..understanding how you did what you did, are who you are, and came to be affected by that which was out of your control. I forgive you Jessica, and I understand.

I understand what led you to that particular inner struggle in your life. I understand why you lashed out at that moment. I understand why you just shut down when your husband said that statement. I understand why you are not trusting me right now. I understand why you have that insecurity and are not trusting in the identity that I gave to you.  No, my understanding doesn’t excuse nor justify your sin. But I understand and I forgive.”

You could easily look at Tamar and judge her for sleeping with her father-in-law. But once Judah discovered that he slept with his daughter-in-law, Judah is even quoted saying, “She is more righteous than I since I wouldn't give her to my son Shelah (Genesis 38:26)." Judah and Tamar married, as odd as that sounds, but Judah did not sleep with her again. Jesus chose to come through the lineage of one of their twin sons.

You could easily look at Rahab with a downcast nose due to her work. But have you ever wondered how Rahab became a prostitute? Was she sold by her family at a young age to become a temple prostitute? Was she plagued with the thought of how to get out of prostitution but couldn’t? Did Rahab have a choice in the matter? Was this prostitution or was this sex trafficking... or is the difference so slight that it really doesn’t matter deciphering the distinction?

And have you ever considered the fact that if it weren’t for Rahab’s faith, we wouldn’t have had the beautiful story of Ruth? Did you know that Ruth went on to marry Rahab’s son, Boaz, and eventually through Boaz’s lineage came King David? Recall, Ruth wasn’t responsible for the birth of her lineage, the Moabites, and yet she was forever associated with it. Despite such, the Lord divinely planned for her to marry a wealthy Israelite and chose to come through her “pagan” blood.

Lastly, you could easily look at Bathsheba and cast her off as a gold digger or adulterer when she was neither. She was raped, forced to endure the death of her husband, forced to marry King David, forced to endure the death of her first son due to David’s sin. And yet, the Lord chose for her to give birth to King Solomon (despite David’s sin), the richest and wisest King to have ever lived.

I believe one of the reasons the Lord explicitly listed these women in Matthew 1 was to demonstrate how He eludes labels, judgments, boxes, and given identities. I don’t think the Lord chose the birth of Jesus to be associated with any of these women because He felt sorry for them. I believe He chose them because He understood their story. He understood their pain. He understood their struggles, as only He is able to do. And in light of all of that--He still chose them.

What I love about each of these women, is that the world placed one title on them, as we still do today, but the Lord hadn’t. Often, the very titles you allow others to pen on you, you inadvertently put on yourself. But the same ones who placed those titles on you don’t even know your full story, whereas God does.

PonderedThought: It’s important to understand and to recognize a person’s full story-even your own. In doing so, you will be less likely to run to labels to define others and yourself. I challenge you to look more closely at certain people in the bible. or even in your own life, and to seek understanding behind certain actions that you witness.

(I’m well aware that this blog post is already long enough, but I need to continue my next line of thought as well.)

I bet if you were to seek understanding, you’ll also find it easier to forgive as well. Next time, you run into a pattern of judging someone or even withholding forgiveness, seek to understand why they did what they did, are who they are, or said what they said. Not in the motivation of justifying inexcusable behavior, but rather, in the hopes of ultimately forgiving.

For instance,  it’s easier for me to forgive that student in the classroom, who lashes out, when I discover that she lashes out because she’s desperate for attention; and when she gets home, the taste for love will grow more parched with each passing day. It’s easier for me to forgive that clerk who was rude to me when I come to understand that she does this as a self-defense mechanism when she feels threatened, further exposing a deeper insecurity of being ashamed of not knowing the answer to a simple question asked by a customer. You get the point. Forgiveness is easier (notice the “ier” part) when it is coupled with understanding.

Lately, the Holy Spirit has been leading me to do this, and it has made all the difference. I believe this is what the Lord wanted me to see that day when I read Matthew 1. It’s important to understand and to recognize a person’s story.

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Thinking about giving up? Add this 1 thing to your next prayer

Sometimes I look at my life and think, “Wow, I really like this season that I’m in right now.”

Just as suddenly, I resolve to do everything in my power to maintain the temporal in order to embrace comfortability. I absolutely love seasons of comfort, peace, rest, and fruitfulness. And I fear seasons of turmoil, death, and fruitlessness. Therefore when the latter occurs, I feel off balance and frantically seek “realignment” through seeking a particular circumstance... rather than seeking what lies in eternity, which is Christ.

When I’m in a state of constantly seeking favorable circumstances, every precious moment is clouded by shuddering thoughts.

When my mom gives me insightful advice on motherhood and  interacts with her grandson (my son), I wonder “What will I do if lose her?”

When I finish breastfeeding and see my little one clutch my shirt for more, I quietly pray, “Lord how will my heart handle it when he one day pushes me away?”

When my husband and I share a season of sweet intimacy, I can’t help but wonder when it’ll end.

On the flip side, when I find myself in unfavorable circumstances, my first response is simply,

“Get me out!!! Let it end. I can’t take it.”

And I’ll do whatever it takes to AVOID situations where I must persevere.

By fighting difficult seasons, we come to resent difficulties. Through resentment we become bitter. And in bitterness, we consciously or unconsciously turn and blame God when we’ve had enough.

I believe myself and many Millennials find ourselves more depressed, confused, and empty due to seeking permanent comfort and security. Most times, we place unfair expectations on our futures by doing all the “right things” with the motivation of avoiding difficult seasons.

I don’t mean to jump on the bandwagon of so many by beating up my generation and the generation after by shaking my head and waving my finger while lip-syncing to the song of “This generation...I just don’t know.” But when I hear...

I need to go ahead and marry because I’m tired of feeling lonely.

I need to have a child because I want someone to love me.

I need a good paying job to avoid awkward pauses at social outings when others ask, “So what do you do for a living?”

I need to quit my current job because my manager is…just too much.

I always need to go out to avoid the emptiness that weighs on me when inside my dorm/apartment alone.

I need to helicopter my kid because I want to avoid all the things that I fear most when not being in control.

I need to divorce because I don’t love him/her anymore.

"Girl, as long as you're happy," is not the answer.

Be careful in exchanging eternal refinement, by shortcutting difficult seasons,  for fleeting gratifications (above all else).

I really don’t mean to sound insensitive, but avoiding difficult seasons is not the answer. Seeking Christ and abiding in His peace is.

John 16: 33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

So you may be wondering, "Yeah, I get it. But realistically, when I'm praying, I'm not about to be thanking God for whatever unwelcomed circumstance I find myself in. Let's be real." 

Hmmmmm...So before you check out on me, let me provide you with some context.  All of these thoughts came about when reflecting on what the Lord shared with me 2 years ago (before pregnancy). He revealed to me that He was about to take me into a season of perseverance.

Naively, I was like “Alright, I’m ready!”  In my head, I equated perseverance to the idea of running a marathon and allowing the Lord to get me into shape spiritually. I was excited about the idea. Nevermind potential leg cramps, dehydration, and muscle soreness that could ensue. Bring on the cute bod!

But a year later, I thought of what the Lord said while taking care of my son (4 months old at the time). After feeling good that I’d finally garnered somewhat of a schedule with him, there came a poop explosion, pee that somehow made it outside of his diaper, a perfectly made smoothie that somehow fell off the TV tray and splattered across our newly painted gray walls, a broken glass that shattered to pieces in the process, and a date night delayed (at a time when my husband and I really needed time to connect.)

Long story short…perseverance my butt. Perseverance didn't look so appealing.

But then, I thought of……

My grandfather, who was a principal and was fired from his position when integration reached Booneville, MS. He never was a principal again.

My grandmothers, who each raised four children in the midst of racial tensions while living in Mississippi during the 1950s.

My father, who was denied his dental license in MS (racially motivated) and was forced to move my mom and my newborn sister to Tennessee.

My mom who somehow worked full time and still helped to raise 4 kids.

And my female ancestors who somehow endured pregnancy, labor, motherhood, and family separation while living under the barbaric system of slavery in America.  

How did they all keep living day-to-day...when I complain about mopping the floors?

In seeking favorable circumstances, my and many others’ current prayer requests read like this: "Can you tell God to fix this situation...NOW?”

 I’ll still be praying this, by the way. But this prayer request ought to be coupled with the following:

“And if He doesn’t, can you ask Him to find me faithful even through this circumstance?”

Find me faithful.

Where do we see this modeled in the Bible? 

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were 3 young men who were about to be thrown into a blazing hot fire for not worshiping an idol. Here’s their response:

“17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.””

— Daniel 3:17-18

Did you hear what they just said?

They have faith that God can change the circumstance.

But even if He doesn’t, they say, “I’ma be found faithful!”

I challenge you to continue praying for various circumstances to change in your life. But I dare you to utter the prayer, “Lord even if you don’t, help me to be found faithful today.”

PonderedThought: Instead of seeking easy seasons of life, yes, pray that a particular circumstance might change. But also surrender and pray that the Lord might find you faithful no matter what He chooses to do in your current situation. This can only occur through the grace of God. Remember, comfort is not the goal. You being faithful and in a disposition of surrender ought to be. This life is so short. And if you’re saved, before you know it, you’ll be living in eternity.

Post inspired by the following song by David Helser and interview by Priscilla Shirer.

Verses to help you surrender to this notion:

1. Lord, get me out of this situation because what if this happens….and then this…. which will inevitably lead to this….

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

2. Lord, I can’t keep going at this pace. Thank you for the grace offered today, but what about tomorrow?

Psalm 46:1 “I am your refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

3. Thank you for still providing for us when I didn’t have a job, or when my husband didn’t have a job, or when we didn’t know where our next check was going to come from. But I don't feel like going through that again. Can’t we just seek security by remaining where we are? I don’t feel like following You if it means taking a risk again.

Luke 12:22-26 “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”.

4. I know you helped me this time by helping me to not go completely off on my co-worker, husband, child, sibling, parent...but what about next time? Cause that last time just about took everything out of me to not...

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

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Top 5 Unconventional Christian books...that altered my walk with Christ

Top 5 Unconventional Christian books... that Altered my walk w/ Christ

1. I Dared to Call Him Father by Bilquis Sheikh

Have you ever wondered how others hear the voice of God? Well, this spiritual memoir gives great insight on how intimate the Lord can be to an individual. From intimate conversations to divine warnings, to specific convictions, the Holy Spirit spoke to Ms. Sheikh in a way that I didn't think was possible. Great read. (Shout out to Lydia friend for the original rec!) 

2. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers  

For years, I’ve been begging my husband (literally) to read this great novel! This is by far my favorite fiction book. But you should only pick up this book if you are ready to experience a depth of rawness that you didn’t know your eyes could take in (without consuming anything graphic). To be perfectly honest, Francine Rivers has a way of writing that is much different from most other cliche’, diluted, cheesy Christian fiction novels that I’ve read in the past. I don't mean to sound harsh but that's just been my experience meandering the published Christian fiction selections. What sets Rivers apart from others is that she gets at the heart. Now, don't you love how I’ve told you absolutely nothing about the premise of the novel? Just trust me and read the book!

3. Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers

When I read Paul’s epistles, like Romans or Ephesians, I have little context for the places and environments in which Paul writes. But after reading the fiction series, Mark of the Lion, oh boy, do I see that there is absolutely nothing new under the sun. Talk about living in environments in which evil was done blatantly and was also culturally accepted (sound familiar?). Now insert Christ. Being a Christian in these times was no joke (70 A.D.-). You were either hot or cold. There was little room to be lukewarm. After you read these novels, I promise, you’ll read the New Testament differently.

4. A Voice in the Night: The True Story of a Man and the Miracles That Are Changing Africa by Pastor Surprise

God is still doing supernatural miracles. You may not witness them every day, but the impossible is still being made possible. This spiritual memoir, by Pastor Surprise, exacts just that. From being the only survivor of his village, to somehow becoming a Christian through divine intervention, to healing others and performing miracles as a teenager, this spiritual memoir will definitely reveal to you a divine Power that you have probably yet to experience in your own day-to-day life (at least this is what I can say of my own life._

5. Deadline by Randy Alcorn                                          

This fiction book is apart of a mystery series. I typically don’t go for mystery, but I tried this anyway. By the time I finished reading Deadline, my prayers became more potent. I increasingly found myself praying over our home, my husband, the streets of Chicago, church services, coworkers, work environments, meals, car rides. You name it, and I was praying over it! Why? This book reveals to you what is potentially happening in the spiritual realm while incidents occur in the physical realm. If you are looking to expand your prayer life, this book will naturally do it!

6. Heaven by Randy Alcorn

So this book is last and not apart of the top 5...mainly because I’m still reading it. But I had to add it to the list. Heaven is nonfiction and draws attention to something that we should all be leaping for joy over, and yet, typically know so little about. What I'm talking about is Heaven. Alcorn reveals scriptures and uproots all misconceived conceptions on what Heaven is going to be like. Although I’m not done reading the book (it’s a pretty thick text), I am already so much more excited about living on the New Earth. When I take walks with our baby boy and when we watch Planet Earth, I love sharing with him how there will be remnants of this Earth on the next. Oddly enough, this book is also helping me become less comfortable on this Earth. As I face recent trials, this book is currently helping me to persevere that much more everyday. My only warning is that as you read Heaven, the glamor of this life will slowly lose any and all appeal. 

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It's Not About You

Have you ever found yourself in prayer, constantly asking/praying in a rhythmic pattern of “Lord help me to....and I pray that You would...and help me to...and help me to...and help me to...and help me to?”

Seeing how God desires our ultimate dependency on Him, and then seeing how the Lord is limitless in what He can do, I find myself in this pattern of “I pray that You would...and help me to…” quite often. And...there’s nothing wrong with that.

But what strikes me about King Hezekiah, when he says a particular prayer in 2 Kings 19, is not his request. Instead, it's his reasoning behind his request that gives me pause. After being threatened by death to himself and to his kingdom, Hezekiah ends his prayer to God by saying, “Save us...that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you, O Lord, are God alone.”  

Do you see it? Let’s back up. King Hezekiah just received word from another kingdom, the Assyrians, that it was going to destroy the Israelites. In fact, Hezekiah received multiple messages from the Assyrians stating that Hezekiah’s kingdom would fall to ruins and that Hezekiah’s God wouldn’t be able to protect the Israelites, God's chosen people. In response, King Hezekiah ran to the Lord. Analyzing his prayer, you can see that Hezekiah does a couple of noteworthy things:

1. Instead of looking to his own devices, King Hezekiah humbles himself and first acknowledges who the Lord is.

15 Hezekiah prayed before the LORD and said, “O LORD, the God of Israel, who are enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.

How important it is to explicitly acknowledge who the Lord is in prayer, especially in times of trouble/doubt. Before Hezekiah makes his request known to God, Hezekiah not only proclaims who the Lord is, but he also reminds himself just who he speaks to. I’m slowly learning the value of actively acknowledging who my heavenly Father is while I speak to him. Personally, this has helped me to pray further in faith when I remind myself who God is. He is not just another man. I’m literally speaking to the Creator of the entire Universe (ponder that for a second!). 

2. King Hezekiah then presents this life-threatening problem in a way that lays the burden of his request at the feet of God rather than hesitantly at his own. This shows true trust and dependency.  

16 Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear; open your eyes, O Lord, and see; and hear the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to mock the living God. 17 Truly, O Lord, the kings of Assyria have laid waste the nations and their lands 18 and have cast their gods into the fire, for they were not gods, but the work of men's hands, wood and stone. Therefore they were destroyed.

 King Hezekiah recognizes that this battle with the Assyrians is really not against him. It's against God. How many times do we find ourself in a situation in which we take the battle personally?  The Lord warns us in John 15:18,  “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." He also warns us in Ephesians 6 that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but we wrestle against principalities, powers, the rulers of the darkness of this age, and spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. It's pivotal to understand just who our battles are against. It's really not about you. 

3. Lastly, King Hezekiah explicitly states the reasoning behind his request. He acknowledges that it's not about him! 

19 “Now, O LORD our God, I pray, deliver us from his hand that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone, O LORD, are God.”

And this is where I take great pause! How often do we pray with this motivation? I mean honestly. It’s so easy for me to pray “help me to...” without any motivation for the Lord to receive glory, for His kingdom to progress here on Earth, or for others to come to know Christ. Often I’m just in need and I just send up a prayer. Often, I stop thinking about the Lord’s agenda and stop short-sighted by my own selfishness.

But what I’m learning is that when I pray with the latter motivation, I subtly take myself off my own pedestal and place God in His rightful place. This guards me from bitterness or anger when I don’t see such a prayer answered, because it reminds me that I was never/should never be the center for why a prayer is answered in the first place. Rather, it reminds me that at the end of the day, Jesus really is the center of it all. (i.e. Colossians 1:16 "16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him.")

PonderedThought: If God isn’t the center of your prayer, check your motivation as to why you are praying in the first place.

Is His will greater than your own want/desire?

Inspired Passages:

• James 4: 2-3 “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”

• Joshua 7:7-9 "Joshua said, “Alas, O Lord God, why did You ever bring this people over the Jordan, only to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us? If only we had been willing to dwell beyond the Jordan! 8 O Lord, what can I say since Israel has turned their back before their enemies?9 For the Canaanites and all the inhabitants of the land will hear of it, and they will surround us and cut off our name from the earth. And what will You do for Your great name?”

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Do You Overlook Miracles due to Spiritual Shortsightedness?

Did you ever watch the “Prince of Egypt” growing up?  Growing up, my sisters and I would listen to the soundtrack of Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston, while mouthing the words to the famous song “When you believe.” 

 Our favorite scene was the splitting of the Red Sea. To any child, to see waters split like magic, never got old. I wanted to serve this kind of God. At the time, I thought the story ended there. I honestly  thought that Moses and the Israelites lived happily ever after. But...such is life. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I discovered that Pharaoh and the  Red Sea were only the beginnings of several trials that Moses later faced.

If you don’t know the story, Moses led an entire nation (who was enslaved for more than 400 years) away from the grips of Pharaoh and the Egyptians. The Lord promised the Israelites a land flowing with milk and honey. However, obtaining that land would not come without its’ challenges. Well, in the midst of some of these challenges, the Israelites began to complain. Miraculously, the Lord provided food from the heavens (I wonder what that bread must’ve tasted like) every single day. But the Israelites started to want some meat. So much so, that the Israelites questioned why they even left Egypt in the first place. Maybe slavery wasn’t so bad? (Shocker, right?) This was a direct affront to the Lord, who not only freed them, but also provided for them each and every day. Y’all, this was just one of several complaints that the Israelites made (read the book of Numbers).

Quail eggs in a nest.

Well, it got to a point that Moses prayed for death. In Numbers 11, the burden of caring for so many people with so many different complaints, led Moses to state the following:  “I alone am not able to carry all this people, because it is too burdensome for me. So if You are going to deal thus with me, please kill me at once, if I have found favor in Your sight, and do not let me see my wretchedness.”

Thankfully, the Lord didn’t answer that prayer. Instead, the Lord responded to Moses' prayer by stating 2 miracles that He would do instead.

1. The Lord would place His Spirit on 70 of the elders that Moses chose. (At the time, the Lord’s Spirit was only on Moses.) Numbers 11: 16 -17

2. The Lord would feed the 600,000 Israelites quail every single day for 1 Month Numbers 11: 18-20

2 miracles.  But which of the two miracles do you think was harder for Moses to believe?

Numbers 11:21 But Moses said, “The people, among whom I am, are 600,000 on foot; yet You have said, ‘I will give them meat, so that they may eat for a whole month.’ 22 Should flocks and herds be slaughtered for them, to be sufficient for them? Or should all the fish of the sea be gathered together for them, to be sufficient for them?”

Why am I writing such a long blog post about Moses (kudos if you have made it this far in reading)? I think it’s because I  see the humanness of Moses in me and in so many other Christians in today’s Christian culture. It’s easier for many to overlook spiritual miracles and rush towards doubting/questioning/becoming overly concerned with miracles that one can see with the eye. The ability for the Lord to place His Spirit upon 70 ordinary men is just as miraculous, if not more, than feeding quail to 600,000. One ought to see the miraculous work in both.

Instead of doubting or exciting oneself over the thought of God's Spirit dwelling in 70 ordinary men, Moses quickly turned his attention to God's ability to provide quail—something Moses could see with the eye. Why didn't he react in the same way upon hearing about God's spirit dwelling in 70 men? 

You see this interesting tension play out thousands of years later when Jesus confronts a man who is paralyzed. When a paralytic comes to Jesus, the Lord immediately states to the paralytic man, “Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven.” Of course, there were doubters in the crowd who merely scoffed at this notion that Jesus could forgive sins. To which the Lord responded by stating, “Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, and walk’?  “But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—then He said to the paralytic, “Get up, pick up your bed and go home.” The people didn’t actually believe in the power of the Lord to spiritually forgive sins, until they physically saw Jesus heal this man of his paralysis.

So what does this all have to do with you and I?

How many times have we thanked the Lord or shared a testimony with others solely regarding physical miracles and ignored the spiritual miracles that the Lord is doing in and around us? You see, if we aren’t careful, we may miss out on so many opportunities to thank the Lord and testify to His power, due to overlooking the work of the Lord—simply because we cannot tangibly see it. In my experience, it's been more difficult to share with others regarding what the Lord is doing spiritually on my behalf due to the inevitable need to be more transparent. Recall that the Lord sent His Spirit upon 70 men, in response to Moses' prayer for death. How could Moses share the  former without disclosing the latter as well. So many times in sharing what the Lord has done for me spiritually, I must acknowledge my weakness, brokeness, my fallenness, my NEED. Thus I resort to merely sharing what is easy and appropriately fitting for the physical realm..."My praise report is that I got 8 hours of sleep last night."  

God’s ability to help you shut your mouth when you really want to curse someone out, or to respect your husband truly in your heart, or to treat your wife as one who is willing to lay down his life for her, or to forgive the unforgivable—these are all miracles from God. So the next time you have a praise report… be careful to not overlook the spiritual miracles that the Lord has done in your life in conjunction to the physical. That new job, or new condo, or new car, or high tax return is definitely something to praise God for. But let’s not overlook the fact that the ability to have peace, to see oneself become more like Christ, to see certain strongholds broken, to have angels swarm about you for protection in the middle of the night—also ought to be praised with just as much fervor! When we acknowledge the miracles of the spiritual, we see that it is nothing for God to bless in the physical.  And it creates opportunity to see just how amazing God is and just how much we are in need of Him. Sometimes I think the Lord blesses in  both realms just to kindly remind us that His power is not limited.

In the end, the Lord responded  to Moses’ questions by stating the following:

 23 The Lord said to Moses, “Is the Lord’s power limited? Now you shall see whether My word will come true for you or not.”

PonderedThought: I encourage you this week to allow your prayers to extend to the physical and even beyond. Do you struggle with anxiety, fear, lustful thoughts, greed, jealousy, lack of love for the Lord, irritability, doubt of one's ability, or a greater love for man’s opinion than God’s? Pray for the impossible! Don’t just stop at what you can see—fewer bills, better grades, traveling mercy, etc. These things need to be prayed for...just don’t forget about the spiritual blessings as well! The Lord's power is not limited. 

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Is God only found on certain parts of Earth? (I thought I knew the answer)

Because the Arameans have said, “Yahweh is a god of the mountains and not a god of the valleys,” I will hand over all this great army to you. Then you will know that I am the Lord.  1 Kings 20:28

I am in constant amnesia of what the Lord is capable of doing, as I enter into different seasons of life in which the season yields itself to unfamiliar territory. As a result, anxiousness soon arises. The Arameans fought a battle in the mountains against the Lord’s people, the Israelites, and saw how Yahweh moved on the behalf of His people. The Arameans quickly reasoned that God’s ability was confined to a particular region and area—the mountains. Therefore they assumed that if the battle against the Israelites took place in the valley, the Israelites would cease to win. No, like they actually believed this.

When I initially read this passage, I quietly chuckled to myself, knowing all too well that the Lord is not confined to the basis of  a geographical region. Yet, the first time I chuckled, the Holy Spirit quickly revealed to me how often I, a believer, attain the same thinking as the Arameans did. What do I mean by this?

If I haven’t seen the Lord move within my life within a particular area or challenge, I forget that He too has control and power in that area. It’s as if the Lord is constantly whispering to me,

“I too am the God of the valley, Jessica.”

Looking back, I recall these constant whispers when, for instance, I desperately ran to my mama when my first pregnancy symptom arose, or to my girlfriend when the first challenge in marriage seemed insurmountable, or to my fiction books when I wanted to escape reality, or to some blogs when I wanted to read how others dealt with a particular struggle, or to my own wisdom when the Lord wasn’t answering my prayers quickly enough. And though these things aren’t wrong, in them of themselves, why is it my first inkling is to run to others before I turn to the Lord? 

My motivation? What I truly believe deep down is, “I believe you to be God—but just not in this area. I’ll consult You when all my other options are exhausted.”

You see, it’s easier for me to believe in God for salvation from eternal damnation, but not from certain external circumstances or internal struggles. I believe that God can  prove powerful in my friend’s life, but not in all areas of my own. I believe that He can set the captives free in the bible, but not those closest to me (of whom I’ve been interceding on behalf for for years.) In all these ways, I sublty state,

“Lord, you are the God of the mountains...but maybe not of the valleys.”  

How hurtful.

And  yet, in response, God graciously proves me wrong every...single...time.

When the lemon, the ginger, the crackers, and the carbonated drinks wouldn’t alleviate my morning sickness, I prayed and the Lord showed me exactly what to eat each morning—greatly reducing my nausea.

When I contracted a sinus infection that persisted for 3 weeks on end without relief, and the docs suggestions weren’t working, I finally prayed and the Lord told me to stop eating chicken for a day. Guess what? My sinus congestion actually cleared up by the next morning (I can't make these things up).

When I began to feel anxious at work and all my best efforts of breathing exercises and Facebook distraction couldn’t take off the edge, I finally prayed and the Lord told me to read the Word. He LITERALLY granted me His peace that surpasseth all understanding. 

The moment I confine the Lord into certain areas of my life by making Him into a God of the  _____ or a God of the ______, I  forget that He is simply Lord. He owns it all. He knows it all. Because...He created it all.

PonderedThought: The next time you run to your “go to,”  first ask yourself, 

Do I believe God to be God, or do I confine Him to only certain regions of my life?

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