They Thought We Were Crazy to Plan a Home Birth...And Then Corona Happened. Here's Our Labor and Delivery Story.

Before Evan (husband) and I tried to conceive for the second time around, we wanted to select our healthcare provider first.

For our firstborn, we were under the care of a midwifery group in Chicago. This midwifery group was affiliated with a hospital and only did in-hospital births. Since we had such a pleasurable experience with our midwives in Chicago for both our prenatal care and labor and delivery, we knew that we wanted a midwife again—especially after reading too many horror stories regarding the subpar treatment of African-American women during labor and delivery. 

But once we moved to Memphis, we realized that our options were more limited. 

9 Weeks Pregnant with Baby Girl.

We couldn’t find a midwifery group affiliated with a reputable hospital near our home. And there aren’t any birthing centers in Memphis. Therefore, we decided, after much prayer and research, to do a home birth with a midwife of choice. By the grace of God, we landed our feet with the best midwife in Memphis. Many thought we were crazy to do this.

But let me tell you.

Our prenatal care was out of this world. I’ve never felt more heard and seen. It felt like this midwife cared for me and my baby with the mindset that she would one day have to stand before God and give an account for her treatment of me and my baby girl. Her reverence and respect for my health, and the health of my child, were unmatched.

In addition to the superb care I received, the level of accessibility to my midwife truly mattered during nights when I was at a loss and needed answers to questions. 

But more than that, when Corona happened, I’m so thankful we had the option to labor at home.

I know the ability to have a home birth is not accessible to everyone, nor do I ONLY advocate for home births. There are circumstances in which a hospital birth is needed and probably better for a person’s psyche, depending on the woman.

But for me, I’m thankful my husband and I chose this path because it made a world of a difference being able to labor at home. I felt at peace. I felt relaxed. And due to Covid-19, the added perks were that laboring at home meant I could still have my doula by my side while laboring; I didn’t have to worry about possibly being exposed to Covid-19 while hospitalized with other patients and being separated from my baby girl if I tested positive (stories like this were coming out around the time of my labor in May).

But enough of that. 

Here’s the story of my labor and delivery. In this post, I use several technical terms because, honestly, other women’s stories helped me in the past to make decisions. And such stories gave me hope. This is why I write in such detail. Enjoy!

I woke up around 11:30 PM to use the restroom. This time, things felt different. While using the restroom, I felt a slight cramp while pooping. I glanced at my phone and saw a missed phone call from my mom that was sent around 10:30 PM. My mom is typically in bed by 9:00 PM. She never calls past 9:30 PM. 

“Hey Mama, I was asleep when you called. Is everything okay?” I texted. 

“Yes. Just calling to check-in,” she texted back immediately. 

Then I knew. I knew exactly why she was calling. 

She was calling to see if I was in labor. And I think I was. 

Around 3:30 AM, I raised myself up off of the bed for the third time that night. What I was feeling weren’t Braxton Hick contractions. These were the beginnings of labor. I woke up my husband and let him know that I was sleeping in the living room because I’d been having contractions for the past hour. He got up,  pumped more air in my birth ball, helped me downstairs, and then went back to sleep. By this second birth, we both understood that labor doesn’t always come quickly and that we would both need our energy for what was to come. 

Thankfully, I got another two hours of restful sleep and then texted my mom around 6:00 AM to come pick up Evan Jr., our two-year-old son. I was still having irregular contractions that were stronger than Braxton Hicks.

I texted my doula and my midwife and let them know that I’d been having contractions. At this point, my mucus plug hadn’t dislodged yet nor had my water broken. 

My midwife came over by 8:30 AM to check my effacement and dilation. I was 3cm dilated. She did a membrane sweep to help kick start things and then she left my husband and me alone to labor peacefully at home. I’ve heard this before, but women often don’t like to be watched while laboring—especially in the beginning stages. This couldn’t have been more true for this labor. 

After my midwife left, Evan finished some last-minute emails before taking off work for the day, and I set off to clean the house. When we both finished, we went outside for a walk around 10:00 AM. At this point, the contractions left me paralyzed in place until they passed. I was definitely in labor. 

This position on my birth ball felt great in between contractions.

Although the contractions were fairly strong, they were also very much irregular. As with my first pregnancy, I thought I was having “prodromal labor”, But what I’d soon find out, I’m simply prone to having irregular contractions during all of my labor (even when in active labor—6cm+ dilated). 

As Evan and I walked outside, anytime I felt a contraction, Evan knew to become completely quiet, to grab my waist from behind, and to squeeze my hips together until the contraction passed. In addition to regular walking, I did some curbside walking too. After 30 minutes, we went back inside. 

At this point, my doula came over and helped Evan set up the birth pool in our bedroom. She coached me through different positions to do while contracting. She brought over a peanut ball and instructed me to lie on my side and to prop my leg over the peanut ball for about 30 min-60 min on each side. And then she showed me the following exercises: forward-leaning inversion, rebozo manteada, and walking up the stairs sideways. Although my doula advised me to do these exercises, she emphasized the need for me to rest as much as possible. I was going to need my energy once my contractions picked up later on...especially during the  “transition.”  At this point, my contractions were definitely more acute than Braxton Hick contractions but they weren’t unbearable. 

Birth pool. For those of you wondering, there is a lining underneath the pool as well.

Once my doula left, Evan Sr. and I began watching a movie while I propped my leg over the peanut ball. Then we ordered some Indian food. While I laid on my side, I still had contractions, but again, they weren’t unbearable. Many times, Evan Sr. didn’t know I was even having them. By the time the movie was over, I got up off the couch to use the restroom and realized that the back of my pants was wet as if I had used the restroom on myself.

My water had officially broken! 

I was told that the peanut ball would help open up my pelvis. I just didn’t expect my water to break so quickly. 

Evan and I eating takeout food and watching a movie. The blue ball is the peanut ball.

Now that my water was broken, I knew that my contractions were definitely about to pick up. (My midwife needed to know the exact time my water had broken, the color of the water, and the smell.) At this point, I became more excited. I never experienced my water breaking on its own with our first child (my midwives ended up breaking it) and so this was exciting for me to experience. 

Sure enough, my contractions began to become more intense, but they were still very much irregular—every 5, 10, or 20 minutes. Around 4:00 PM, my midwife came back over.

Here’s what’s crazy.  The moment my midwife came over, my contractions completely stopped. The reason why was because my midwife brought her assistant over as well. I didn’t realize just how much my body would respond to the presence of a stranger. Due to COVID-19, I never had the opportunity to meet my midwife’s assistant beforehand, as a precautionary measure to limit unnecessary exposure. But here she was. And although the assistant was extremely nice and friendly, my body still responded by my cervix beginning to close back up. My midwife checked me and I was 5.5 cm dilated. Since I still had some ways to go, I thought I’d feel better if my midwife and her assistant left (since my midwife lived 5 min away) and came back later to check me.

Once the midwife and the assistant left, Evan and I watched another movie. I laid down with the peanut ball, and we ordered some more takeout (Moroccan food). My contractions were more intense at this point, and Evan definitely knew whenever I contracted. 

Around 8:30 PM, my midwife and her assistant came back over to check how far along I was. Right before they came over, I was mopping the floor and Evan was putting dishes up. I share this because although my contractions were more intense, things were completely normal in between contractions. Honestly, watching movies and carrying on as normal helped time to go by more quickly.

In the middle of my midwife checking me, I had the most intense contraction while lying on my back (it’s unfortunate that many conventional healthcare providers ask many women to labor like this).  Although I was dilating more (6.5 cm), my effacement remained the same. Apparently, baby girl was coming down but then going back up. If I didn’t do something differently, this was going to be a long labor. In order to help baby girl contract downwards, my midwife used a Boba wrap to wrap around my belly and tied it right underneath my belly as a sort of bind Whenever I contracted, this belly bind helped baby girl go downwards instead of outwards. Once this wrap was tied around my waist, I could tell an immediate difference in my contractions.  My contractions were much more intense. 

After I was checked, the assistant recommended I sit backward on top of a toilet and spread my legs out to help my cervix open up more. I did this for about five contractions and became extremely tired. I could feel the baby pushing downwards. The assistant shared with me that she had two children and that her labors were quite long. For whatever reason, by the assistant sharing her childbirth experience with me made me relax completely. I no longer viewed her as a stranger. Just knowing that this was another mother who had gone through what I was currently going through (and probably a lot more), made me feel connected to her.

Around 9:30 PM, I decided to lay back down with the peanut ball as the contractions were becoming very painful. At one point, I thought to myself, I really need my Doula now! My doula had experienced seven natural births. She understood me and had a motherly way about her that made me trust her completely. I knew my mom would have a difficult time watching me in so much pain and I needed her to take care of Evan Jr. So having my doula there meant everything. I didn’t realize that I had forgotten to tell my doula to come back over at this point (she only lived five minutes away.) But without me realizing, I guess my doula just had a hunch, she came back over on her own volition. With the next contraction, she was already behind me holding me! When I saw her behind me, I just cried because the contractions were hurting pretty badly at this point and I needed her. 

After a few contractions lying down with the peanut ball, I wanted to change rooms. We all headed downstairs, and at this point, I began to feel exhausted. I felt the baby coming down and the contractions were growing more intense. I needed to sleep. 

Here I am lying on my side with my leg propped over the peanut ball.

Apparently, at this point, I’d go into a deep sleep (snoring and everything) and then wake up the moment a contraction came. I was still having irregular contractions, although they were growing more intense. 

After three hours of going in and out of sleep, my body began to do some weird bodily stuff. During a contraction, I’d become hot, and then right after the contraction passed, I’d become very cold. At one point, I began shivering and shaking—indicating a change in hormones. Later I had an episode of throwing up profusely and then felt the urge to poop. It seemed like my body was being taken over. Transition was coming. But the baby didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight (from my perspective.) 

I had no concept of time. Hours and minutes blurred together. My only focus was making it through the next contraction. I could feel myself growing weary. At one point, I turned on the song “Waymaker” and in between contractions, I said aloud repeatedly “I CAN DO THIS.”

But I felt so weak inwardly.

I really needed the Lord.

At 4:00 AM. I was done. I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked at my midwife and rhetorically asked, “How long? How much longer do I have to do this?” 

My midwife, in her melodic voice, continued to reassure me that I was doing an amazing job, that I was so strong, and that this labor was going really well. My doula echoed her same sentiments. I didn’t believe a single word. I needed to know how much longer. My husband, midwife, and doula appeared crazy. At this point, I didn’t know how they could possibly sit here and watch me go through this. Then I began to wonder how my midwife and doula even had natural births...and then chose to do it multiple times. All I knew was that I needed this baby out of me. In response to my midwife and doula’s commentary, I told them with great assertion that I was done laboring in the positions that they were advising me to labor in (which were all for the purposes of opening up my cervix).

I looked at Evan and told him to go get the pool ready. I needed some relief. I hadn’t gotten in the birth pool up until then because my contractions were still so irregular. Evan, my midwife, and my doula were concerned that If I labored in the pool, my body would relax too much and stop contracting all together. This happened during my first labor with Evan Jr.

But I didn’t care. I needed relief.

My midwife approved and told me to do whatever I needed to do in order to rest. With that, Evan and the assistant ran upstairs and began getting the birth pool ready. But after 20 minutes, the pool still wasn't’ ready and I was angry. I got up and told my midwife and doula that I needed to squat for the next contraction. I just needed some sort of relief. 

My midwife told me to do whatever I felt was comfortable. With that, I took two steps to the living room and squatted. I endured three or four contractions while squatting. At one point, I asked my midwife to hold me while I contracted. Her embrace helped so much. These contractions were coming right after each other, which was in complete contrast to the irregular contractions that I was experiencing before.  

After the fourth contraction,  I got on all fours and pushed.

I felt something coming out and heard something. It almost sounded like an egg hatching. At this point, I believe my midwife thought I was pooping. But then I began doing a deep inner groan while pushing.

I heard my midwife and doula pause. I could tell that they had heard this type of groan all too often and knew what it meant, even if I didn’t. This baby was coming out...now!

My midwife yelled for her assistant and for Evan to come downstairs immediately. I heard feet hitting the stairs. But I was in such a transfixed state. I just kept groaning from deep within and pushing. At this point, my doula was facing me eye to eye and telling me to breathe. “You’re almost there sweetheart. Keep breathing. You’re doing great. This baby is coming. Yes, just like that, ” she kept repeating assuredly.  My midwife was behind me. One thing I kept hearing my midwife say was, “Slow and steady. You’re doing great. Slow and steady. Push on the next contraction. Slow and steady.”

Our baby girl’s head was already out. 

What’s interesting is that with this birth, unlike my first in which I had an epidural, the pushing was the best part. It felt so good to push. It felt so natural. I didn’t need advice on how to push, when to push, or what position to get into. I just knew. I knew to groan from deep within. To get on all fours. To push whenever I felt like I was supposed to push. 

Within seconds, the baby glided out. 

Our baby girl cried immediately! My midwife cleared her nose and lungs and then handed Ada to me between my legs. I was still on all fours. I reached for Ada between my legs and then everyone helped me slowly sit down on my bottom.  

After that, everything's a blur. Her umbilical cord was cut. I do remember laying back and delivering my placenta (it happened so quickly).  And I do recall giving Ada back to the midwife so the midwife could do some quick assessments. At this point, I could feel my perineum swelling up but I wasn’t in pain due to not having any tearing, praise the Lord.  I’m so thankful my midwife told me to go slow and steady while pushing. My doula and midwife then helped me to the restroom to pee and to put on a diaper. Afterward, Evan guided me to the couch so I could feed Ada. Ada latched on instantly. Her body felt so warm. Her vernix smelled so sweet. And her beauty captivated us all. I bonded with her instantaneously.

Later, my doula and midwife shared with me that they knew the baby was coming the moment I said, “I can’t do this anymore.” Apparently,  every woman says that right before the baby comes.

And I was no different. I’m so thankful for this experience.

Ada Rose was born on May 27th at 4:20 AM.

Looking back, I felt like there were thousands of angels in my living room ministering to me during this birth. I felt the strength and presence of the Lord so acutely. With our first child, I truly believed that I was strong enough, well-read enough, child-birth educated enough to have a natural pregnancy. The Lord humbled me real quick. With this pregnancy, I knew I couldn’t do this without Him. I actually knew—not some false humility kind of “knew.” I seriously knew I needed the strength of the Lord.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it’s typically the moment a laboring mother says, “I can’t”, that her baby comes.

To any beautiful mama about to have her baby. Eat your dates, do your squats, get chiropractic care, go through child birth education classes. But you better not forget this…

“ …apart from me you can do nothing.” -Jesus John 15:5

so pray my sister. And ask those around you to do the same.

God, Princeton, & My Pondered Thoughts: A Memoir of My Encounter with God at an Ivy

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To Husbands: 4 (Insider) Tips To Naturally Enhance Your Wife's Level of Respect for You

One night in college, a friend of mine could hardly contain a new-found revelation she received from the Lord. 

“Jessica, I’m just now seeing it. The Lord showed me that when Jesus came to Earth,  He could’ve done certain miracles that would’ve placed a tremendous amount of fear into the hearts of the people. He could’ve blown fire down from heaven at any moment’s notice, marshaled hosts of angels from heaven to appear instantaneously, or incited any sort of plague against those who opposed Him. But I think He didn’t do that because He didn’t want people to submit to Him out of fear and intimidation. He wanted people to submit to Him out of love. His miracles revealed His love and character, and in response, many people submitted.  ” 

It was quite a profound revelation. 

Looking at Jesus’ example, I have one question for godly husbands today:

What type of respect do you really want? 

Do you want your wife to respect you out of fear and intimidation, or out of love for your personhood, character, and seen example?

I believe the former has caused some men to exhibit misogynistic, aggressive, and intimidating behavior that is both unbiblical and deeply troubling.

Jesus never demanded respect.

It was freely given to Him by those who had ears to hear and eyes to see. 

Looking at the example of Jesus, I want to give you some insight into what draws wives into naturally giving the respect you desire and need.

If I were talking to wives, I’d emphasize that respect and submission is not conditional (meaning it shouldn’t be given or taken away based on the behavior of one’s husband).

But since I’m speaking to you, here are a few things you can do that will naturally drive your woman to want to respect, submit to, and follow you. (SN: All the credit to my husband Evan for making this blog post easy to write. He truly allows me to see his growth in all of these areas every single day.) 

1. Openly confess your sins, tell her your weaknesses, and admit when you are wrong

   My husband shared with me recently that most men live with the hidden fear of being found “inadequate.” Satan loves to drive men to live with this fear for their entire lives. Therefore when many/some men get married, they put on a mask because they don’t want their wives to see the baggage they really carry. But can I let you in on a secret? Most women saw many of your imperfections even before saying “I do,” even if you didn’t. And guess what? She still chose you.

   The sexiest and the strongest thing you can do is be vulnerable with your wife regarding your fears, hidden sins, and struggles. Because in doing so, your wife gets a glimpse of your true humility. Christ displayed the perfect example of humility while in the flesh. Although Christ was perfect and never needed to confess sin, you doing so is still a reflection of Christ, because it reflects that same humility.

   She didn’t marry you because she needed you to be Superman. Instead, she needs you to constantly point to the One who is.

   When you do that, even if it’s not well received at first, please know that your example in doing this is appreciated and opens up the opportunity for your wife to do the same.

   When a wife knows that her husband is one who isn’t ashamed of being vulnerable with her, it breeds respect. It may sound counterintuitive, but trust me on this. 

2. Keep Your Word 

   Keep your word, even in the little things. When your wife knows that she can rely on you to do what you say, she naturally feels secure, protected, and loved. Yes, taking out the trash when you say you will can induce these deep feelings. So be very careful when you say you're going to do something. Because when you don’t, it can breed a sense of insecurity and instability in your wife that can manifest in ways that you’d find disrespectful later on.

   I’ve seen too many older women who do “everything” not because they want to, but because they’ve lived in years of disappointment and resentment towards the indifference and passivity of well-meaning husbands who didn’t realize that being intentional and consistent in the little things was actually a big deal. This breach in trust led to them questioning their husband’s ability to pick up the kids from school on time, to pay bills, to schedule certain appointments, or to stick with the budget.

   Many husbands don’t realize that nagging is actually an unhealthy weed that grows from your wife not seeing you doing what you say you’re going to do. While this disrespect is completely unjustifiable it’s helpful for you to know where it stems from.

   You may think it’s not a big deal to break your word here and there, but trust me, you don’t want to deal with the weeds later.

   Let your “yes be yes” and let your “no be no.” Again, I must emphasize that no one is perfect! So go back to #1 when you find yourself not keeping your word...even in the little things. Confess to your wife and work to overcome that challenge by God’s grace 

3. Personally sacrifice...even if it costs you more than you desire

   “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Ephesians 5:25

   “A man lays down his life for his wife.” What imagery comes to mind when you read this? Do you picture a movie scene where a burglar tries to break into your home and you jump in front of your wife right before the assailant pulls the trigger? No? You can tell, I have an imagination huh? 

   Well, no matter what valiant imagery comes to your mind when you read that phrase, laying down your life for your wife can often be simpler than you think.

   It can look like arranging for her to take a weekend away to rest while you care for the home and kids (my husband did this for me recently, and wow did it mean the world to me!).

   It can look like patiently listening to another story about her day, filled with too many details you don't really care to hear, but listening anyway with as much enthusiasm as you can muster.

   It can look like not retaliating when she lashes out at you, because you know it’s just that time of the month or pregnancy hormones (my poor husband has dealt with this so graciously all too often).

   It can look like cooking dinner, washing dishes, or giving her a massage.

   And sometimes it can look like you simply watching that RomCOM on TV with her, going to Target and walking through the Home section with her, desiring to listen to whatever music/podcasts she’s listening to these days, or doing whatever activity she’s been asking you to do with her.

   Women have a natural tendency to sacrifice and give their families more of themselves than what they actually possess.

   No matter who you are, it’s really hard for a wife not to respect a man who sacrifices. In return, she’ll want to serve you even more. That’s how we women are wired. But here’s one word of advice: listen to what she’s been subtly already asking you to sacrifice and don’t create areas of sacrifice that she never asked of you to do. That will only leave you resentful if she doesn’t appreciate that particular sacrifice. Every woman is different. Whereas one wants you to surprise her with a trip to the mall, another may just want you to take a walk with her outside.
   Know your wife, and give of yourself in the way that will mean the most to her personally

4. Tell her one thing you appreciate about her daily 

   Your words probably got you that second date, so continue to woo her with your words. Every wife desires to be seen and acknowledged. Every day, look for one thing that you appreciate about your wife and what she does and simply let her know. When you see Jesus writing letters to the seven churches in the book of Revelation, before granting a word of rebuke, He listed one thing that He loved about that particular church. Go read it. It’s quite beautiful (Revelation 2-3). So tell your wife just 1 thing daily that you love. Do you admire how diligent she is in her career pursuits;  or do you admire how she takes time to make dinner; or do you admire her pursuit of God? Tell her one thing you admire and be as specific as possible. For instance, “you look beautiful” is nice but try this: “I know that you have little time on your hands these days,  but you always manage to step out of the house looking like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen . I don’t know how you manage to do it but I’m one blessed man.” Talk that talk, fellas! Your woman needs to hear it from you. 

I conclude with emphasizing that your wife’s respect shouldn’t be conditional. This blog post is merely meant to give some insider tips into what will naturally drive your wife to respect you for your personhood, character, and example.

Lastly, I must end this by saying thank you to Evan, my husband, and the sexiest man alive. Thank you Ev  for constantly growing into these qualities for me to see. Your leading example made this blog post truly easy to write, because the traits I am encouraging other men of God to embrace, I see you work to embody more and more every day…seriously, thank you.

PonderedThought: Not convinced? Make these mentioned points a conversation-starter between you and your wife. You might be surprised at what you might hear...and ultimately the changes you might see in you alls relationship upon consistent implementation. 

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A Man Stole My Cellphone in Whole Foods, Then Returned It To Me

Have you seen War Room?

It’s a movie about the power of prayer. The most memorable scene in the film occurs when an elderly lady is robbed at knifepoint. In typical thematic fashion, the elderly woman stared at her perpetrator point-blankly and stated, “Now you put that knife down right now, in the name of Jesus!”

And then he did. 

I can’t lie, sometimes I act this scenario out in my head. I imagine what I’d do if someone were to try to harm me or my children. And then I think back on this film. I envision myself saying “In the name of Jesus” and then the heavens part and a flame of fire descends on the attacker, while I stand heroically saying, “No one messes with a child of God.” Of course, I then walk away while others look on in amazement. 

Well, something sort of like this actually happened in real life. Except, I didn’t have that big self-congratulatory moment in the end. It was more like me awkwardly standing in awe. Confused. Trying to process what God had just done. 

A few months ago, Evan Sr. (husband) and I left church and headed to Whole Foods to pick up a few items. Evan Sr. dropped me and our 8-month old son off in front of the store (our son was very clingy at this age and also wanted to get out of his carseat), while he circled the block. I grabbed the few items that we needed, and then made my way quickly to the cashier.

 Reaching for my phone to call my husband to meet us out front, I discovered that my phone was missing. I had it moments earlier in a small opening in the grocery cart (I know, probably not the best place). And so a logical guess would be that it fell out as I was walking to the cash register. But the moment I realized my phone was missing, I had the unmistakable feeling that it was stolen. 

Making my way to Customer Service, I explained to the rep my situation: 

“Hi, this is an odd request but my phone was just stolen (I felt so sure).  Could I use your phone to call my husband?” 

Before I move forward, you have to understand Chicago. There are sides to Chicago that feel uppity, foreign, and cold and certain persons give off that vibe. Then there are sides to Chicago that can make you feel like you’re sitting on your grandmother's fluffy carpeted floor, watching reruns of Sanford and Son, and eating apple pie and homemade ice cream on a Sunday afternoon.  

The lady at customer service reflected the latter.

“What’s your number? What Ima do is, call your phone, and then you walk around the store and see if you hear it ringing.” 

I loved her already.

Before I knew it, Evan Jr. and I were walking the perimeter of the store inching our ears to hear a ring. Coming around the corner, I saw the lady at customer service heading in our direction, walking at a pace of purpose. 

“Okay I saw him! He’s in a black trench coat and walked out the door and headed towards Office Depot. You can catch him now if you leave! I called your number twice and heard it on him, but you gotta head out right now!” she said in one incredible breath. 

“Ohhh… I can't do that. Lemme call my husband first.” I said, amazed (and slightly concerned)  by her boldness. 

“Well, okay. But you really could just catch up to him. You’ll be fine,” she said, while leading me back to her station

By this time she had a customer she needed to service. This meant that I had to wait until she was done servicing the customer before I could call Evan Sr.

  I knew that Evan Sr. had probably grown concerned due to the amount of time I’d been in the store up until that point. There was absolutely no way for me to contact him and the customer in front of me was taking an unusually long time to be helped. Finally, I just turned around and asked a stranger for his cell phone.

I called Evan and he immediately answered.

“Hey Bae, someone just stole my phone. The customer service lady called it and said she heard a guy walking out with it and heading towards Office Depot. Could you track my location?” 

Evan Sr. had already interjected a few times (with a few emphatic words) in the middle of me explaining, but then he quickly got off the phone upon hearing two words: track location.

So there I stood in line. Evan Sr. and I got off the phone without any sort of plan for what I was to do or agreed upon meeting place for me to be picked up at. Either way, I still needed to purchase my food items and so when I was finally next in line to check out, I pulled out my items to be scanned. 

“Did you get your phone?” the customer service lady asked, while bagging my items. 

“No.” 

Pulling out my card to pay, I looked up for a second and made eye contact with a young man. A young man who was heading in my direction from across the store. Whose eyes were solely locked in on me. 

Trench jacket. 

He came closer, and when he was one foot away from me, he pulled out my phone and politely asked, “Is this yours?” 

Without waiting for an answer (I must’ve nodded my head speechless), he dropped the phone in my hands and then turned around and headed towards the exit. 

I stood paralyzed. Completely shocked.

Bagging the last few items, the customer service lady saw the entire event transpire. Yet, she didn’t look the least bit surprised.

“Yeah. See, some people can still make the right choice. I spoke to him on the phone and he told me that he was going to come back and give you the phone,” she said without blinking.

“Wait. So you spoke to him on the phone when you called?”

“Yeah.” She, continued bagging while looking down. Then she continued. “He said that he’d passed Office Depot and figured that it was his lucky day, but then he started to feel really bad and said he was going to turn around. Alright, Here’s your receipt.” 

And just like that, I was on my way, phone in hand.

 I called Evan Sr. and made it to the car safely with our baby boy. 

Evan Sr. pulled up and I opened the door to the backseat. 

“How’d you get your phone?” Evan Sr. asked bewildered. 

 He kept talking while I strapped Evan Jr. into his car seat.  I didn’t answer. So my husband continued talking.

“I tracked your location and it was near Office Depot but then it started to head back towards Whole Foods,” he said, desiring an answer to his initial question. 

I climbed into the passenger's seat, buckled my seatbelt, and then stared out the windshield in pure awe. 

As we drove home that day, I gave Evan Sr. the complete rundown as to what happened.

A man stole my phone at Whole Foods, left the premises, and then voluntarily returned in person to give it back to me.

No fear of consequences, no fear of my reaction, no fear of me potentially calling the police.

He just walked up to me and gave me my phone, as if nothing happened. 

It didn’t make sense.

Later on that night, Evan and I watched a movie, made sure that no locators or bugs were placed on my phone, spoke about our day’s events some more, and then settled into bed. But before going to sleep, I continued to reflect on the day’s events. I found myself asking the same question, “Why?” Why would someone steal something...get away with it...and then turn around voluntarily and return it?  

And that's when I felt the sweet response. I received the answer in my heart.  

“No one messes with a child of God.”  

“18 I will love You, O Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.”

— Psalm 18:1-3

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Avoiding God and don’t know why? 1 practical habit to implement now.

I’m a loyal Costco shopper. I was before getting married, after getting married, and even moreso after having a child. I love everything about it. I love the deals on household appliances, on clothes, and especially on the frozen organic fruit and vegetable section. And did you know about their gas prices? Anywho, on any given week, you'll find me strolling the aisles of Costco, breathing in the familiar fragrance of…bland air.

A couple of weeks ago, I walked down an aisle containing endless amounts of chips. For anyone who knows me, I love quality potato chips. So I grabbed a bag of the Kirkland’s Krinkle cut kettle chips with the Himalayan salt.

In no time I was driving on a Chicago highway with one hand on the wheel and the other hand effortlessly mining through this huge bag of chips like a professional.

The chips were so good that I found myself eating them a couple of days later... for breakfast. No warm water with lemon. No supplements. No smoothie. Instead, I couldn’t wait to taste the pure saltiness and greasiness of these chips right when I first woke up. It didn’t end there though. My cravings turned into wanting salt’s feigned cousin... sugar. Therefore, shortly after, I found myself eating some good dark chocolate and vegan ice cream for dinner. No lentils. No sweet potatoes. No salad. I didn’t care. Let’s just say, I enjoyed myself.

How’d I end up there? It’s really not that deep. Through a set of daily choices, I quickly trained my tastebuds to crave fat, salt, and sugar.

What is deep though, is how often we end up developing spiritual cravings that are just as strong and just as unhealthy. Things that once gave us periodic pleasure become items we can’t live without.

Allow me to explain.

During the week of my potato chip episode, I coincidentally had been struggling in my relationship with God. Simply put, I’d been avoiding Him.

Nothing major happened that caused this shift in my pursuit of the Lord. In fact, life was going well. The moments of me coming close to insanity as a stay at home mom, with a new child, were becoming less frequent. My husband and I were in a really good place maritally. And my schedule was becoming more pleasant on a day to day basis. So things were good. But for whatever reason, I found myself avoiding God. Call it a spiritual attack... or spiritual laziness, but all I know is, deep down, getting through the day become more of a priority than encountering God throughout my day.  

Here’s how it happened and how I came to the realization.

First my mornings became more busy than usual. One day led to another and I found myself not spending time alone with God. In doing this, I started to feel an odd loneliness. Almost like an emptiness. But I was feeling it unconsciously because I didn’t make the connection between my lack of spending time with God and this empty feeling.

Therefore, I chose to busy myself more to escape the feeling. The more time that passed, the more the idea of reading the Bible appeared less appealing and more burdensome (see how Satan works?). Housework and Podcasts appeared as more credible escapes and outlets then plugging into the Ultimate Source.

Suddenly, I had everything to do and so little time to do them.

But secretly, I didn’t mind. Because deep down, I desired to hide behind my schedule as the reason why I couldn’t spend time in God’s Presence (or rather in the awareness of His Presence).  Anytime I did squeeze my devotional somewhere in the day, I dreaded it and mainly did it out of obligation.

Everything culminated when my husband had to go out of town for work. I’m used to him traveling, but this time, I felt down even before he left. Like I was sad an entire 48 hours before he left. Once he did leave, an incredible level of loneliness shrouded my being and before I knew it, I felt myself craving noise. Be it social media, youtube videos, even good sermons. I needed some kind of noise to distract me from what I was feeling.

I felt myself literally turning to everything else...except God.

With my husband being gone, I found myself with more time on my hands and even more excuses as to why I just didn’t have to just “Be still and know that He was God.”

On the second or third day of my husband’s absence, my son and I sat down to read a children’s book gifted by his grandparents. The book was entitled “Good Good Father” by Chris Tomlin and Josh Barrett. This activity was not out of the usual, because I attempt to read at least one story to my son every day (even though I sometimes wonder if my son appreciates my voice inflections, sound effects, and careful pauses between pages, since he often chooses to chew on another book or open and close drawers a few feet away).

But that day as I read, something strange happened. My son decided to chew on another book as usual. But the strange part was that I myself became unawaringly engrossed in the storyline of this new book. This little bear was hoping to bring the perfect gift to the King in order to win the King’s approval. Therefore, taking the advice of so many different animals, the little bear brought the King a plethora of gifts.  But by the end of the story, the little bear realized that all the King wanted was the little bear. The little bear was the perfect gift. Y’all, I got choked up.

I felt the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention. There was a brief pause. A brief moment in which I felt my Lord waiting for me to respond to His open invitation for me to simply walk through the door and return to our usual communion.

 But I craved more noise. The dishes could be washed. Another blog post could be written. I could return more calls and texts. Baby Evan needed my attention. And so I ignored the brief trickled tear and busied myself on to the next task.

But everything reversed through one habit the Lord taught me to implement later on that week. It made me stop in my tracks, stop running from Him without reason, and retract from the noise and distraction.

Here it is—Choose God first in the morning.

Not because you “have to,” but because you get to. Similar to how a salty chip set off my taste buds for the day towards craving salt and sugar, what you initially feed your Spirit can set a trajectory for what you inwardly desire throughout the day.

I realize now that it is critical for me to begin my day hearing God’s whisper before I amp up the noise. What I mean by this is that before I listen to the news, turn on a video, check my text messages, and scroll through social media, I can hear God so much more clearly when I choose Him first.

I can also feel most satisfied when I allow my hunger to be met by His manna before I devour empty junk. This is not meant to be legalistic. Literally just 2 days ago,  I set out to do my devotional and baby Evan had a huge blowout which caused me to have to give him a bath and then I decided to shower and then he was hungry...and so the day went. But whenever the Lord graces my day to do so, it’s been a joy to wake up with His love and His Word being the first thing to quench my thirst.

Sometimes this looks like me devouring just one verse, and sometimes this looks like me devouring a couple of chapters. Sometimes this looks like me journaling and praying and worshiping for half an hour and sometimes this looks like me only being able to say a quick prayer before the baby wakes up. Lately, this has looked like me waking up and simply not doing anything but stopping and receiving God’s love by asking “Abbah Father, how much do you love me? What do you love about me?” and then simply basking in His love so that I can love others.  My point is this: Choose God first. I deeply believe He will honor your time with Him when you do this. Just try it!

(Why do I think this habit is so effective? I don’t believe God desires to compete with your noise. I often desire for Him to yell and scream over the bussiness of my life in order to grab my attention. But what I’m learning is that He loves to whisper. Anyone can yell to someone miles away. But a whisper is heard to the one who is nearby. He loves when we are close! He doesn’t move, but we often wander.)  

PonderedThought:

What do you feed yourself at the start of your day? What do you allow your eyes to consume when you first wake up? Do you check your email, social media, or text messages first thing? Do you turn up the noise before hearing God’s whisper?  I challenge you to set out by choosing the Lord’s manna, which is His Word, and talking to the Lord first. When you do, share with me and with others what happens.

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On my wedding day...I didn't know I'd be saying "I do" to this.

Sometimes I look at him and wonder. I wonder where the butterflies went, the sweaty hands that suddenly found stability, the upset stomach that sequestered calm, and the frantic eyes that somehow steadied. I look at my husband and am more drawn into the mystery of what brought us together.

Of course, his charm, his humor, and his really good looks helped. But more deeply, I wonder what made us say “yes” to each other and “no” to the rest. Was it my go-to perfume that put his head in a daze? Or was it my sharp sass that held him in want? Was it his swag coupled with quick wit that kept me on my toes? I point largely to the exterior, not due to vanity but due to the fact that without any other reason,  I don't know what brought us together, what made our eyes lock into one, and what made our hearts pant deeply for one another...except for God.

On our first date, we didn’t discuss the number of children we wanted, where we desired to live long-term, the percentage of our check we’d like to see in our 401K, or our anticipated parenting styles. We talked. We laughed. And an uncanny chemistry drew us closer and wouldn’t let us go.

You see the older I get, the more this mystery becomes of growing intrigue. Because when I said “I do,” I really didn’t know exactly what I’d be saying “I do” to.

I didn’t know I’d be saying “I do” to a man who held strong faith in God when we were unexpectedly down to 1 income 3 months after marriage. One who’d try to understand me when I was PMSing and I needed a huge hug right around my waist (but not too tight). One who didn’t make fun of me when I was having extreme pregnancy hormones and missed my mom and sisters and decided to watch Steel Magnolias at 4 AM on a Sunday morning, wept loudly at the end, and then proceeded to get dressed for church as if nothing happened.

I didn’t know I said “I do” to a man who is an amazing father and who cherishes greatly the legacy he passes down.  I didn’t know I said “I do” to a visionary, to one who asks “why” at the most inopportune, yet crucial times, and one who debates me for fun or for my sheer annoyance.  I didn’t know I said “I do” to these things, and yet I did.

Sure, we dated for a long time, talked seriously about our future goals, discussed our compatibility and sought pre-marital counseling. But even with all of these things, saying “I do” took a leap of faith. For when anyone says “I do,” one can’t see the coming arguments, the full extent of a spouse’s sinful condition, all of the difference of opinions, nor life’s different trials that comes with simply living.

And yet every argument my husband and I have, every sinful condition we wrestle out of each other, every difference of opinion that challenges our worldview, every unexpected trial that comes our way, reassures me all the more that I said “I do” to the right man. I said “I do” to my forever love. I didn’t know all these things then. And yet I made the right choice. That puzzles me. 

Proverbs 30: 18-19

18 There are three things which are too wonderful for me,

           Four which I do not understand:

19 The way of an eagle in the sky,

          The way of a serpent on a rock,

           The way of a ship in the middle of the sea,

           And the way of a man with a maid.

I can’t put my finger on what exactly drew us together. It’s hard to articulate the unseen attraction felt that was noticeably different from previous lusts. And it’s even more unnerving to evidence the certainty we both felt in knowing we were each other’s forever-early on. For when I made a vow, I honestly didn’t know what all that vow would entail.

And yet, I looked into my soon-to-be husband’s eyes on our wedding day, and said “for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part…I do.”  That’s the essence of marriage—faith. I didn’t know the exact direction life would take us...and I still don’t. But don’t you see that that’s the mystery and the beauty of marriage?

We didn’t know. We don’t know. And yet we said, and say “I do.”

PonderedThought: What are some things that you said “I do” to that you didn’t know would occur in your own marriage? If not married, what are some things you’re already considering saying “I do” to that you’ve put great thought into?

Additionally, if you’re a believer, ponder more deeply on the fact that God said “I do” to you while knowing your full sinful condition. While knowing when you’d turn your back on Him. While knowing when you’d choose the things of this world over Him. And yet, He said, and continues to say “I do” to you every single day. That too is the mystery and beauty of a covenant relationship with God.

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Wanna get into the Christmas Spirit?…Here’s how

Confession. I don’t recall the last time that I was in the Christmas Spirit. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love Christmas. But that warm anticipatory feeling that I’d get as a child, ceased sometime before high school. After last year, I realized that I didn’t want my Christmas of 2018 to be the same as it had been in previous years.

I didn’t want to wake up on Christmas morning only concerned about which foods to eat, which outfit to wear, and whether or not I purchased all the right presents. I wanted this year to be different.

So at the start of this past October, I started getting ready. By October 1st, I’d already planned the weekend that my family and I would go apple picking at an orchard. This was in effort to get into the “Fall” spirit.

But each weekend brought on a different weather fatality that unfortunately altered our plans.

Then Thanksgiving came. I planned on baking some pretty awesome vegan treats. Yeah, for whatever reason that didn’t happen either.

And Christmas decorations? I didn’t see it as a priority this year, budget wise; nor did I feel like begging Evan, my husband, to help me hang some lights (I choose my battles wisely.)

So as December approached, I found myself nowhere near having the “Christmas Spirit,” despite my elaborate plans at the start of October. But then, unexpectedly, and quite randomly in my opinion, the Lord challenged me to cut out all entertainment for 21 days. Yeah. Movies, shows (This is Us!), my random YouTube videos, endless Facebook videos that Y'all like share, and my love to watch different interviews (yas...Michelle Obama’s recent book tour interviews).

Well, I began doing this on Nov. 24th, and after 10 or so days...I still wasn’t in the Christmas Spirit.

So when thinking about this one afternoon, the Lord showed me that I was attempting, and failing miserably, at conjuring up this Christmas Spirit, because I equated the Christmas Spirit to my ability to resuscitate nostalgia. Nostalgia that was filled with sweet times as a child, giggly emotions, and anticipatory angst that was both fun and pure. Yet, a nostalgia which honestly had nothing to do with Him (Christ).

How often do we do this? How often do we find the necessity to reenact (i.e. traditions, experiences, etc.) in order to relive an emotion…and call that having the Christmas Spirit? 

Entertainment is usually where I run towards to conjure up this nostalgia. By doing this, I place my faith in a movie or a song to quench a thirst that was once readily filled by waking up on Christmas day and seeing a considerable amount of presents under a tree.

But like I said, somewhere between adolescence and adulthood, that thirst stopped being quenched, those warm feelings leading up to Christmas disappeared, and the excitement of opening presents just didn’t do it for me like it used to. And every attempt to bring these feelings back stopped working.. Hence, why I’d find myself saying in my head, year after year, “I’m just not in the Christmas Spirit.”

But here’s what I’ve learned this year.

I need to redefine what it means to be in the Christmas Spirit.

To be in the Christmas Spirit is not playing Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas” on repeat (such a good song right?!), nor watching Home Alone, It’s a Wonderful Life and a host of Hallmark Movies. Trust me. I’ve tried them all..

My favorite Christmas move.

To be in the Christmas Spirit is to practice being more aware of the Holy Spirit.

So often we hear that Christmas isn’t about presents but His Presence.

But how much of His Presence are we actively seeking Dec. 1st- 24th?

Maybe, exchanging presents isn’t the culprit to Christmas.

Perhaps it’s the lack of being aware of His Presence leading up to Christmas that can make giving presents stressful, preparing food a burden, and going through a rehearsed schedule, year to year, as if going through the motions like any other holiday.

So as we wait for Dec. 25th, the celebration of Jesus’ birthday, the best gift to Earth, let us not unconsciously forsake the gift we have right now…which is His Spirit. His Presence is readily available and very much wanting to interact with you.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ”

— Jeremiah 29:13

Now that I’ve cut out entertainment (for the time being), I’ve been amazed by how clearly I’ve been hearing and experiencing the Holy Spirit’s power in my personal life and especially in my prayer life. (As a result, the Holy Spirit has also been making me more acutely aware of  my hidden sins--another blog post for another time.)

So I can honestly say now, “I’m in the Christmas Spirit y’all!!”

Maybe next year, I’ll bake and decorate some cookies with Evan Jr., our son. 

Maybe I’ll pop some homemade popcorn and stream my favorite Christmas movie to watch with Evan Sr.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll go to a Christmas lighting ceremony with them both.

But this will all be done in addition to, and not in replacement of, trying to get into the Christmas Spirit. I already have His Holy Spirit, which is the ultimate essence of getting into the “Christmas Spirit.”

PonderedThought:

What are some things you could do to be more aware of the Presence of the Holy Spirit right now? Is it baking cookies? Watching that movie? Or does He want you to be more aware and appreciative of the Holy Spirit?

For the next couple of days, I challenge you to unplug from any “go to” thing that is crowding you from being more aware of the Holy Spirit. Consider this not a fast. But more so, a passionate pursuit of your Comforter, Guide, Intercessor, and Lover.

Your “go to” could be television, Hulu, Netflix, food, social media, or even work. Ask the Lord, and He will graciously guide you.

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Quarantining?: 10 Very Effective Ways to Draw Closer to God

Have you ever found yourself singing a worship song with lyrics like, “I give myself away” or “All I want is You” or “I love You with all of my heart,” and felt a tinge of conviction? Have you at times felt like, those lyrics weren’t true for you?

If not, I may be the only one who feels like this sometimes.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to sing these words and mean what I’m singing. But many times I feel like I’m lying to God when I sing songs of complete surrender or desire. So instead, I sing in my heart, “I (want to) give myself away. (I want to be in a place where) All I want is you. I (really do want to) love you with all of my heart..."

Why do I end up adding my own internal parentheses? Most times, I find myself doing this whenever I'm in a season of habitual disobedience and unconfessed sin. These seasons usually occur when I’m unintentionally or sometimes even deliberately fighting against the path that God is telling me to pursue—and in effect, fighting with God, growing hardened in heart, and slowly running away from any awareness of His Presence. (To clarify, if you are a believer, God’s presence never leaves you, because you are sealed with the Holy Spirit. But there’s a difference between having the Spirit and actively obeying and giving Lordship to the Spirit. When we disobey Him, we literally grieve His presence inside of us.)

And so I sing...knowing that my actions speak much more loudly than my words.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”

— John 14:15

During these seasons of disobedience, I usually find myself listening to a sermon and thinking, “Yeah, I need to go ahead and give up ___, and I know I need to go ahead and start __.”

Almost four years ago, Evan (my husband) shared with me that he could see me blogging in the future. At the time, I scoffed at the idea and inwardly rolled my eyes. I figured that his statement was a result of him not listening to all that I had been sharing with him regarding the Lord's purposes for my life (which at the time, DID NOT INCLUDE BLOGGING). But then he later repeated his recommendation again. And then again. And finally, when Evan and I were walking into our home late one evening,  Evan started venturing into another spiel about seeing me blogging. It was at that moment that I heard the Lord tell me to “LISTEN.”

After that evening, Evan didn’t have to remind me anymore about blogging. The Holy Spirit kept telling me. I fought the Lord, less out of sheer rebellion and more out of pure laziness, for some time. But delayed obedience = disobedience. Although I started drafting potential posts for almost a year, I didn’t have any concrete plans on actually starting a blog and publishing the posts. So every sermon, every song, every near death-like-experience (turbulence on a plane) would inadvertently remind me that I hadn’t entirely given myself over to God.

My point is this.

You don’t need to know 10 ways to get closer to God. 

More than likely, you already know how. The answer is simple. Be obedient. Openly confess sins. Prioritize God by studying His Word and talking to Him, listening to Him, and being aware of His presence daily.

Sure, you may have heard this all before. In fact, this blog post may have caught your eye because perhaps you wanted to find a different and easier way to draw near to God.

I can so relate to that feeling. How? Because a few weeks ago, I was tempted to google search, “10 ways to get closer to God.” Actually, this was more than a temptation, because I was in the process of looking it up. But while picking up my phone, I sighed, knowing that I already knew how to draw closer to God.

Honestly, I was just hoping to read somewhere that I could get closer to Him by, for example, spinning in circles 7 times or speaking in tongues for 7 minutes. I wanted to read words empathizing with my busy schedule and encouraging me to catch a Word whenever I could. I wanted to read that God was in my heart and that was all that mattered. I wanted to read that I was human and couldn’t possibly obey God all the time, so it was okay to settle for some sin in my life/not lay down everything to Him.

But that’s not what I’m going to tell you.

Let me tell you a quick story.

A few months ago, I sat, tired of trying to rock baby boy to sleep. No amount of breastmilk, walking, swaying, or singing was working. I leaned back in the rocking chair, closed my eyes, and just wished for the vision of what I had thought motherhood would look like to come true.

I wanted Evan Jr. to lay on my chest, nestled sweetly between my chin and my womb. I wanted to hold him for once without him resisting me with clenched fists and a squirming body, itching to get away. This was mostly my reality for the first 5-7 weeks of Evan Jr.’s life due to him having a very gassy digestive system.

Nonetheless, I took his discomfort personally every time he pressed his little hands aggressively against my chest in pain. Over time, I began to think that he didn't want me.  For once, I just wanted him to feel protected in my arms and to act as though he liked Mommy and no one else (this would come just a couple of weeks later). I wanted him to want me (I cannot stress that enough). And the moment that this thought resonated, the unbelievable happened.

As though an angel just tapped baby boy, Evan Jr. suddenly rested his head right below my chin. Up until this point, he had never done this. He would often fall asleep while breastfeeding, or after numerous bounces when walking back and forth, or after trying 100 different positions whenever I sat down.

But this...this effortless position felt right. This was the vision that I had imagined of motherhood.

He laid his head on my chest so peacefully. And as soon as I felt his deep breaths against my chest,  I felt tears welling up in my eyes. The moment that I had dreamt of since he was born happened. I peered down and stroked his hair. For the first time up until that point, he had resigned to sleep without fighting me with every last ounce of energy of his body. I leaned back and smiled... before being interrupted by another thought—a thought that I knew was from above.

“This is what I long for, with you.”

He spoke it so clearly. I wasn’t even praying.

Tears, for another reason, began drawing up. Simultaneously, I inwardly smiled and said, “Come on Lord. Can’t I just enjoy this one moment without you laying that on me?” I had been fighting the Lord. Yes, I was a new mom with a newborn at the time, but I had kept fighting the Lord.

I felt Him beckoning me to invite Him into my thoughts when changing Evan Jr.’s diapers. I felt Him inviting me to open up to Him whenever I felt overwhelmed. I felt Him whispering to me to worship Him when I felt down. To confess when I had engaged in wrongful thinking. To read His Word when I had some time alone.  But instead, I wanted to numb myself with HGTV and Facebook.

It’s so simple, yet the most challenging thing that you’ll probably ever do. And so I’ll repeat it again.

You don’t need 10 ways to get closer to God.

Be obedient (Stop doing what you know you need to stop doing, and begin what you know you should be doing.). Openly confess sin (Be honest. Don’t sugar coat it.).  And prioritize God by studying His Word (No other way around it. No commentary, spiritual book, or sermon will suffice) and be aware of His Presence daily (Talk to and LISTEN to Him, even now!).

It’s so simple, yet the most challenging thing that you’ll probably ever do…because it’s a matter of priority.

So start now :) .

If only you knew how much He yearns for you to stop fighting but to simply come, rest in His Presence, and surrender.

He’s waiting.

He’s always waiting.

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I think this song encapsulates this blog so beautifully.

5 Practical Habits to Consider Adopting as a Newlywed

My grandmother called me during my first year of marriage and frankly told me,

“The first 5 years of your marriage will build the foundation for how you and your husband operate for the rest of your marriage. ”

— My Very Wise Grandmother

At first, I thought “5 years is a long time.” But with time, I realized that she was so right. Evan and I get a lot of things wrong. Like a lot. I’m still learning how to...well that’s another blog post. However, here are 5 practical things that we do consistently that work for us. They may not work for you and your spouse, and these could very well change for us as the years go on. But for right now, these 5 habits are our current game changers.

1. Say 1 prayer in the AM together.  

This is not anything fancy nor time-consuming. Evan and I just make sure to always say 1 prayer together in the morning. When I was working at a school, Evan would call me while I was in transit to work and we would pray. Currently, we pray together right when we first wake up. Our prayer typically begins in gratitude to God for the day, and then we take turns praying for one another for 1 shared prayer request. By doing this, we help each other recognize when the Lord has answered a prayer request in one of each other’s lives; we feel connected spiritually by knowing that we aren’t alone in praying for particular things; and we also get a chance to confess anything that we need to confess to one another before praying. Literally, this takes 3-5 minutes. Simply put, this is just a good habit to incorporate in the fabric of your marriage. Evan and I choose to pray in the morning because we tend to get the day started around the same time, whereas we go to bed at entirely different times.

2. Practice adopting a lifestyle to 1 income

So on that day that my grandmother called, she also suggested that we live off 1 income and ultimately save the other. She and my grandfather lived by this principle, and I’m so happy she recommended it to me. If you are newly married, before choosing a lifestyle that forces you two to live off of 2 incomes, practice living off of 1 income and saving the other. In our case, this worked out in my transition to working in the home full-time after our baby boy was born. It also allowed us to save money quickly.

3. Never attack identity in an argument

So when Evan and I argue, there’s one card we’re not allowed ever to pull out, and that comes to attacking identity. We can say “at this moment you are acting ____,” but we don’t say, “You are crazy, irrational, a hypocrite, etc.” Do you see the subtle difference? The former implies that a behavior is temporary, albeit uncharacteristic. The latter conveys that in the fabric of your spouse’s DNA, he/she is something that can never be changed. You may think that this subtle difference is insignificant, but it really helps arguments to not escalate unnecessarily.

Shortly after our baby boy was born, Evan and I had the worse argument of our entire marriage at that point, and it was due to breaking this rule. When things escalated, we stopped and said, “We are doing what we said we would never do.” At that moment we prayed and checked ourselves and continued the conversation when we were more level-headed.

4. “Always” and “Never” are banned words when referring to an action that is negative about the other

This is something Evan and I both have to check each other on when we’re in an argument because it is so easy to present a false reality when stating “You always … You never….You are always…. etc.” The fact of the matter is that when you state something, you begin to believe it. And the truth is…more than likely your spouse doesn’t ALWAYS/NEVER do a particular thing.

5. Schedule a Weekly Business Meeting

We received this tip from an older couple at a marriage conference. Because communication plays such a huge role in the health of a marriage, Evan and I MUST SIT DOWN AND HAVE A WEEKLY MEETING about the week. We see the importance of this even more as life becomes busier as we get older. Life is unpredictable, so we just aim for our meeting to occur at some point every Sunday. Our meeting may spread out intermittently across 2-3 hours because baby woke up or we got hungry or so-and-so called. So don’t imagine us sitting at a table wholly organized and focused. We do what we can do, and still, reap benefits in trying. In this meeting, we go through 6 basic questions.

1. This isn’t a question but we begin by reading a chapter from Proverbs (usually corresponding to the date ex. if Sept 1, then we will read Proverbs 1.)

2. What is the status of our marriage from this past week?

   This gives us a chance to talk about what we could further work on, and it gives us a chance to thank the Lord for progress! We implemented this question after I asked Evan one day, “How can I bring up something that I’d like for you to consider changing without approaching in you in a way that is coming across as nagging?” And he suggested that instead of coming to him every day with something new (which I was doing smh), I could wait until our Sunday meeting to gracefully discuss with him anything that was troubling me etc without pulling out a laundry list (cause ladies, you know we got that list). And vice versa.

3. What is the plan for the week?

   Examples: What days are we working out? What do we want for groceries? Any events occurring during the week, in the evening, that we both need to be on 1 accord about? What are our plans for the upcoming weekend? In our case, what days will you be out of town?

4. What persons do we need to be praying for this week/ need to make sure we catch up with?

5. How did we spend our time this past week? Were we good stewards in getting certain items accomplished or did we waste certain evenings away?

6. Have we accomplished a goal from 1 vision that the Lord has given us?

PonderedThought:

• What are some good habits that you and your spouse implement in order to maintain a healthy relationship? Please post in the comments below! I really wanna know.

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I say "sorry" to our newborn son 100 times a day

One thing that I was never warned about when becoming a new mom was that I would be saying “I’m sorry” to my newborn son multiple times throughout the day. I probably say “I’m sorry” about 100 times a day. No, I’m serious.  

Case in point:

Good Morning Evan Jr. Let’s take a bath. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that your bath water was too cold. And I’m sorry for accidentally grazing you with my nail when picking you up out of your bath. And while we're on the topic, I'm sorry for not cutting your nails perfectly so that you wouldn't cut yourself when crying.

I’m sorry for not getting to you fast enough after your nap (I was just using the restroom while brushing my teeth and checking my email-no biggie). I’m sorry that you were crying due to being hungry and not because you wanted to be held.  I’m sorry that I didn’t moisturize your back (and now I see dry patches). I’m sorry I bumped your head. I’m sorry that you have to walk around with a poop stain on your back because the restaurant had no proper changing station for me to change your clothes (#reallife). I’m sorry I didn’t see that small eyelash in your eye that’s been irritating you ALL day. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’M SORRY!

I have a feeling those sorry’s are only going to multiply as the years go on.

As I reflect on my many mistakes as a new mom...I learn how often his cries are justified due to me simply being imperfect. He needs something and it’s my job to figure it out. However, due to my imperfections, often times I mess up in doing so.

And yet…

                       God never messes up.

Now that I’m a parent, knowing that God is a perfect Father is honestly mind-boggling. Sometimes I make the mistake of seeing the fallenness of this world and unconsciously attribute its fallenness to a feature of my God. That is simply not the case. He is a perfect Father, even in a fallen world. By fallen I mean the result of a once perfect Earth now being filled with sin, relational strife, disease, spiritual warfare, natural disaster, etc. Oh, how I can't wait to inhabit the new Earth (Revelation 21). Even in the midst of all the aforementioned, God is perfect. And His ways are perfect.  There is not one thing that He does for His child that is imperfect. Not one.

Can you just sit in that? If you are a believer, You have a Perfect Father.

He doesn’t need his coffee in the morning to effectively hear your prayers. He doesn’t need to scratch His head and wonder how He is going to provide for You, because He created every single thing.  He doesn’t need to be a doctor in order to diagnose the cause of your emotional turmoil, physical ache, or spiritual angst. Why? Because He is all-knowing. He doesn’t wonder how He is going to fulfill His promise to You, because He is all powerful. He doesn’t need to frantically map out your future, because He knew your ending before He even created the foundations of the Earth.

Yep, He’s just that perfect.

Therefore anytime He commands you to do anything or allows something to come your way that you simply don’t like, you have absolutely no reason to act as though God owes you an apology. He simply doesn’t. Even when living in a fallen world, He is able to make every single thing work together for our good (Romans 8:28). That’s just how perfect He is. If it were left up to me, you'd probably be praying for years and getting no answer because I'd be asleep.

PonderedThought:

When unwelcomed circumstances occur or “delayed” promises fail to come to fruition in your own timing, do your actions display the unconscious belief that God owes you an apology? If so, share more details below on exactly how and how you tend to overcome this lie on a day-to-day basis.

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Our Miracle Birth Experience: Part 4

Evan and I looked at each other. I mildly conceded to receive the epidural, because I couldn’t think of another solution. All I knew was that I couldn’t endure the pitocin naturally. With that, the nurses prepared the way for the epidural. The only thing I didn’t think about beforehand was that, in order to receive the epidural, I would have to sit on the edge of the bed, without moving in the least bit, while doctors administered a large needle into my back. I already couldn't sit down during a contraction. So when they said that I would have to sit still as well, I didn’t know how that was going to happen. But GOD!

One of the doctors was really taken by the worship music playing in the background and came and squatted down in front of me and made distracting conversation while the other doctor inserted the needle into my back. With that, the pain subsided. Within an hour, the notches of intense pain went down. Although I could still feel the contractions and feel the baby pressing down against my back, it was still much better. By 6:00PM, I dilated to 8 cm. At this rate, I saw that I really wasn’t in control of creating this birth experience. Again, nothing was going according to plan lol.

By 7:00PM, I hadn’t dilated any further. Unfortunately, the midwife said that if my contractions didn’t increase with greater intensity, I may have to consider other options. This was a subtle way of her stating that I may have to get a c-section, considering the risk of infection now that my water was broken. I was so tired and hungry at this point that I just wanted things to be over. Unfortunately, “being over” in my mind did not result in the beauty of seeing baby Evan Jr. Instead, it resulted in me being able to sleep and eat. I never thought that I’d have such a permeating thought throughout my birth experience. 

By 8:00PM, the baby began moving down further into my birth canal and I was 8.5 cm dilated. By 8:50 PM, I was 10cm dilated and ready to push! This excited everyone in the room because the end was near. I started pushing with all my might! Thankfully, I didn’t have to just push on my back but was allowed to take on more dynamic movements (i.e. being on all fours on the bed, being on my side, using a bar and towel to push). With each push, everyone in the room yelled in support that I was almost there! However by 10:00PM, I became annoyed in hearing “almost there” when it had been over an hour and well...we weren’t there. 

By 11:00PM, I began to think, “can you just reach in and grab him??” But despite my less than optimistic thoughts, by 11:35PM, baby Evan Jr.’s head pushed through! They immediately placed him on my chest. The first thing that captivated me the most was his smell. He smelled so different. So much like real flesh. Then his cry stole my heart as the reality settled in that this was a real living human being. His cry was so piercing and yet so cute. I couldn't believe that this human being was pulled from my womb. Actually, this thought still boggles my mind. 

Minutes later we realized why my labor took so long. Little fella was 9lbs and 2 oz and was positioned occipito-posterior (facing stomach instead of back). And guess what? By the grace of God, I had no tearing, stiches, nor episiotomy! You can't tell me that that wasn't all grace.

A couple of things I would do again/or simply do next time: 

1. Acquire knowledge but rely on prayer throughout pregnancy. -The best advice given to me was to make a list of everything I'm believing God to do during pregnancy and to pray over that list constantly (ex. healthy baby, good supply of breast milk, peaceful family relations, etc.) 

2. Read Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize,  and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

3. Have a midwife and doula --Their support went beyond any medical experience I've ever had.

4. Drink nettle tea throughout pregnancy, raspberry tea throughout third trimester, and eat dates especially in your third trimester. These tips will help with decreasing the likelihood of tearing, will prepare womb for delivery, and can even decrease labor and delivery time. . 

5.  Do gentle yoga during third trimester to open up hips and to build pelvic floor muscles 

6. Book a photographer to capture the moments of labor and delivery. Everything was such a blur and these pictures really helped to capture the moment.